Happy June, Southern California! Multi-colored flags are blowing in the sea breeze, and it is that time of year again! Trystology is celebrating Pride in all of it’s glory, but this year, we want to do so differently. Instead of recounting the history of Stonewall (don’t know what that is?! Please look it up!), emphasizing proper pronoun use, or spreading the good word that orgasms are natural and healthy (goes without saying, right?), we at Trystology have a special thanks to give this Pride season. See, whereas the LGBTQ community has had to define themselves by using labels to break free from heteronormative language and society, the love represented by this flag knows no boundary. In a world full of madness, this flag waves as a beacon to all those looking to authentically love and be loved beyond the label.
And well… that’s great for all of us… and in our humble opinion, here’s why! đ
Full disclosure, as a shop specializing in intimate products for adults, we know most people here in the US have hang-ups about their sexuality.
It’s a sad, but true, fact that we grew up with bunk information about sex – if any at all! And because orgasms, arousal, and intimacy don’t come up as typical dinner table conversations, many of us were left to answer our own questions behind locked doors, on the internet, or within inaccurate anatomy books! Worse yet, as we looked, we only found two labeled camps – his sexuality and hers. Each had a specific function that neither could cross, like some sacred lock and key! Meanwhile, all of this “hush-hushing” and bad information left a lot of us feeling guilt and shame about our bodies, our desires, and the pleasure hard-wired beneath our skin for centuries. And that’s not LGBTQ specific, this informational short-changing was bad for everyone!
Got questions? That’s great đ There are resources and people here for you!
Now there’s no getting around it – historically, the LGBTQ community has faced persecution, insult, discrimination, violence and invisibility. On the morning of June 28th 1969, warriors at the Stonewall bar in NYC ushered in a new demand for equality, and one that now echoes every June worldwide. But with only about 8% of the population identifying within the LGBTQ umbrella, why has Pride become such a big deal for all of us, all over?
Our educated guess?
Beyond labels, the LGBTQ community fought for their sexual rights, their freedom, and their visibility – and by doing so, also fought for yours!
And in their fight, the LGBTQ community further exposed one of the biggest lies we tell our younger humans, and that’s this:
Man = Masculine vs Woman = Feminine
Wrong-O! Every human being is comprised of both masculine and feminine energies. To the heterosexual shifting in their chair right now, yes, this means you too! My male partner has many masculine traits, but he can also make mean curtains, which doesn’t impact his gender identity at all! Women like Becca Longo can kick the ever-living hell out of a football, and may just be the NFL’s first female kicker! She’s good at what she does beyond the false binary. Period.
Now, those last three innocent sentences I just strung together really put a smile on my face, and I hope they put a smile on yours. But not long ago, even those innocent statements would have raised eyebrows. It is thanks to the LGBTQ community for pushing boundaries, making room for all of us to confidently fit and identify – somewhere. The man who loves dresses, the woman attracted to her female best friend, and the non-binary person who didn’t fit the male or female checkbox aren’t marching for football or curtains. No, the they’re marching to love, be loved, and send a message – you are worth divine love too.
Since Trystology is a sex-positive haven for the community, we have one more big, BIG thank you to share. And O… it’s a big one đ
THANK YOU FOR MAKING SEX BETTER FOR EVERYONE!!!!
Yes, community. Thank you for making sex better for everyone. You know what happens when an open dialogue starts? About anything? Empathy. Discovery. Growth. Vulnerability. Confidence. Healing. That’s what happens. And over the last 50 years, this dialogue has begged the question:
“What is my sexual preference?”
Lemme tell ya somethin’ right now. That is fucking revolutionary! Our grandparents never asked about this, and neither did a lot of our parents. Men were expected to be men, women were expected to be women, and anything outside of the realm of missionary was downright taboo. And women getting their orgasms?! Pshh, forget it.
This Shari Zinn Harness is stylish, study, elegant, and extremely well-made. The soft leather makes for a snug, confident fit without constant readjusting!
The introduction of, “What is my sexual preference,” was a seed of consent. This neatly wrapped question encourages exploration for those who don’t know how the receive pleasure, and relief for those who do! And that really amped up the sex world. Sturdy, well designed strap-ons became more readily available for everyone, including the hetero couples! Plugs became fun for all genders! The truth came out that if you’re alive, you’ve got pleasure beneath your skin. And better yet, your pleasure is uniquely yours to discover.
The Lovense Hush is without a doubt one of the best vibrating anal plugs on the market. The size and shape provides a luxurious feeling of fullness, while the Lovense motor does the rest. Lovense products have a strong vibration, so this power plug promises to get you there again and again.
(Now, pro-tip. Don’t just go out your front door today asking the world about their sexual preference… No, no. That’s rude. Remember – your discovery is your own to share with whomever you see fit, and that goes for everyone else too. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, people, looks sexy on everyone!)
In closing, one more shout out for the LGBTQ community! We know we’ve said it a lot, but we just won’t stop.
Thank You!
Thank you for being who you are, and giving the world consent to do the same. As human beings, we all cover a vast spectrum of talent, ingenuity, creativity, intelligence, and yes… sexuality. No one person out there is exactly the same as you, and none of us are the same today as we were yesterday. As we continue to grow as a society and world, may this banner wave, and may we all have pride to love beyond labels.
Welcome back, Trystologists! May is here, spring has sprung, and summer is just around the corner!
To our dedicated readers, we know it’s been a while since our last post, and we’re going discuss why. See, we’ve been changing, shifting, and taking some much needed time to assess our mental well-being. There’s not much of it left, but May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and Trystology has a question for you…
How good are you at receiving?
Big question, right? We receive a lot as a collective on any given day. Most of us get mail, compliments, criticisms, internet, phone calls, texts, commercials and streaming daily. Perhaps in 2022, many of us “receive” too much! But is this the kind of receiving we’re talking about?
Not at all. What we want to know this:
How are you at receiving intimate pleasure, and how does that behavioral function show itself in other areas of your life?
If you’re a care-giver, people-pleaser, or really struggle to set healthy boundaries, you may have just spit out your coffee… We get it! Receiving pleasure is a common struggle, especially if it’s something you don’t feel you deserve. And that thought can be sneaky as all hell! It’s so sneaky, in fact, we may not even realize we struggle to receive until, (oops!), a partner wants to give us oral pleasure! Or maybe a big show of affection makes us feel crippling guilt and stress! Or perhaps, when it comes to sexuality and intimacy, asking for what we want feels so impossible because we don’t know how to trust, or truly be vulnerable.
Sounding familiar? Yeah… well, guess what? Us too! Again, this shit is common and sneaky. And before you continue reading, let us say this.
There’s nothing wrong with you. In fact, say it out loud right now, “There’s nothing wrong with me!”
Good… Take a breath. đ
Now, it’s admittedly difficult for any of us to take care of our mental health in a world of so much distraction, or find time to be “in the mood.” I consider life to be a full-contact sport. All of us want to play the field, but how can we be in the game if we can’t keep our eye on the ball? And where’s the ball? Well, I think the “ball” is this present moment. Welcome to it.
Sometimes, when we find ourselves back here, we enter the present only to find the messes we left last time we visited, then run out as quickly as possible. But guess what? Our pleasure, our pleasure, deserves more from us. Sometimes we’ve gotta check in and clean house, so here are three tips we hope help along the journey.
The Art of Receiving: How to Own Your Orgasm and Mental Health
Finding the Fantasy
Here in 2022, many of us are stuck in the quick orgasm loop. I’m certainly not saying consistent orgasms aren’t good for the mind, body, and soul, because here at Trystology we’re all about owning our orgasms, and inspiring others to do the same! But beyond the physical cocktail of the human orgasm exists the fantasy, the feeling – the deeper script.
So what do I mean by being stuck in a loop? Well, many of us, when fantasizing during self-pleasure, rely on scripts of polarity to get there fast then be on our merry way. In other words, the raunchier, the better. Whereas there’s nothing wrong with however you fantasize, what if we took more time to really ask ourselves what we crave, then gave ourselves to permission languish and basque in a present moment with ourselves? What might we find by receiving pleasure more intentionally?
I can say from experience this exercise is notably difficult for me. Being present with my body, even in pleasure, can bring up memories I’ve practiced avoiding. Vulnerability can be terrifying, but it makes for necessary space to let go of the things that weigh us down. A great friend once told me, “Our minds and spirits bounce around from past to future, while our bodies are the only extension of ourselves truly trapped here in the present moment.” They were right. When our stress levels sky rocket, our hearts take the beating. When we’re not paying attention, bumps and bruises pop up. Pleasure helps bring us back here, eye on the ball, back in the game!
Getting Off , by Jamye Waxman is a great place for any female to explore what receiving pleasure means for them. It’s full of tips and tricks, along with helpful diagrams and illustrations. Looking to explore? Get yours today!
Even though this exercise of consistently checking in with my body, specifically my fantasies, brought challenges, I quickly started to see how I sacrifice my own pleasure in other areas of my life. A lot of the time, I just accept discomfort. Blindly. No question. For some of us, discomfort has been such a common occurrence, it almost feels safe… or predictable, at least.
WE’RE HERE TO SAY YOU CAN CHANGE THAT!
Your imagination is powerful, people. You can use it to receive pleasure in a variety of ways, starting today… so what’s holding you back?
True Consenting Adults
So now you’ve spent some quality alone time. Now what? You want to share with your partner, yet still feel uncomfortable, nervous, or flat out scared. Here’s where true vulnerability comes into play. Many of us view consent as, “Partner, may I please ______,” followed by a simple, “Yes.” This is a great place to start, but as our sexualities unfold and develop over time, this ask can start to feel shallow and robotic.
Eventually, each of our unique “consents” deepen, and carry with them attachments to feelings and trust. What is everyone’s major sex organ? Our brain! Arousal starts there for everyone! So how can any of us practice receiving pleasure from partners if we’re battling major fear or anxiety, while possibly even suffering silently?
By using our voice. By being vulnerable. And by telling the truth.
Playing Well With Others, by Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams, is a great guide for anyone looking for a walk on the wilder side. Great writing, honest accounts, and truly helpful hints.
Will this always a clean or painless process? No, but only because you’re getting out what has caused pain for so long. I have personally experienced anxiety ridden intimacy for most of my life. It’s only in the last few years of my life I’ve gained the courage to say, “I am afraid. I’m afraid I’m not enough, and I don’t know how to let go. I don’t know how to receive pleasure.” Sex, or the option to have sex, would spin my mind so hard, I felt I had to assume a whole new character to transform into my “sexy self.” That’s a lot of pressure for many people who are new to receiving pleasure! So share your struggles. Share how you are feeling, and work to trust yourself and your boundaries enough to let go.
Pleasure comes when the static of panic and stress fade. Believe, go slow, and be kind. Set up moments throughout intimate time with your partner to take breaks and check in. Let them know your goals – that you want to be present and learn how to receive. Address anxieties or fears as they arise, and allow your partner to physically be there for you. You may be delighted by the response!
“But what if I’m single?!“
Great question. Practice showing yourself every ounce of love you crave! Be the best to attract the best. By choosing to receive pleasure in your life, you actively teach the world how you wish to be treated. So don’t hold back!
REPEAT!
Step three is nothing new, but it may be the most important of these steps. Repeat! Practice! Commit! Because here’s the truth – many of us struggle with to receive pleasure because we were deeply hurt. To every reader, if this includes you, I am sending you all of my love right here and now. Trust is not easy. Your life, however, is worth your healing, worth your pain, and certainly worth your pleasure!
Is everything going to improve right away? No. Will it be easy all the time? No. But will you start to notice your life getting better? Yes, you will. You’ll see yourself just as deserving of pleasure as everyone else!
The Come As You Are, book and workbook by Emily Nagoski are extremely helpful for those of us who need a little nudge. This beautifully presented package encourages participants to honestly admit how they see themselves now while working toward a better future!
Here at Trystology we encourage you to view receiving pleasure, abundance, and safety as your birth right! Because it is. Our sexualities reflect deep aspects of our being, and when we learn to advocate for our own physical pleasure, we open ourselves up to say yes to more of what life has to offer.
Eat that bowl of cherries, whoever you are! đ We think it looks great on you!
When did lingerie become… a thing? And why, in 2022, do we still wear it? Do we have to look a certain way to “pull it off?” And in order to wear lingerie, do I have to be… enough? Sexy enough, trim enough, having big enough “whatevers” here, and small enough “whatevers” there?
Also, what is body positivity, what is body neutrality, and how can I just happily livewithin this skin I’m in without the nonsense?
Great questions đ Welcome to spring, Trystologists!
Yes, April dons National Lingerie Day, and even though the actual date of this holiday is the 25th, we’re going to be discussing lingeriethroughout the month – for some great reasons. Reader, before you comb through the rest of this article, please ask yourself the few questions posed at the beginning, and from your perspective, answer them honestly. We’re in deep, we know, but hang tight – it’ll all make sense in the end!
Did you do it? Mmm-kay, let’s begin…
Lingerie’s closeted history began longer ago than you may think!
Believe it or not, lingerie predates the modern “tighty-whities” our mother’s taught us to change daily by about 300 years, give or take a few. Before the 20th century, men wore pantaloons, women wore pantalettes, and they were often made of two separate pieces of cloth tied together, which is where the modern terminology of “pair” of underwear comes from. Lingerie, however, was a different thing all together.
Yes, Trystologists, this is the actual painting Queen Marie Antoinette was scorned for. Technically, she’s wearing her lingerie! Ms Antoinette, you fox!
The first known “lingerie” was the chemise, made from soft, sheer cotton muslin and often cinched to look like a billowy dress… or a shower curtain. In the late 18th century, historical fashionista Marie Antoinette was said to have many chemises because she so strongly disliked corsets, (ahem… who could blame her?!), and enraged the French courts after an artist agreed to paint the queen in only her nether-bits. The chemise was worn under dresses, yes, but they were also delicate and demure for women of the time.
So why did Marie Antoinette, along with so many others, dislike corsets? Entire rooms, even pieces of furniture, were dedicated to fainting women suffocating under these whale-bone torture machines, pulled tight to accentuate small waists! The corset’s uncomfortable history dates back to the Minoan Empire when they were built for each gender. These corsets didn’t have the same sexy look they do now. They more closely resembled armor, and did a lot of damage to bodies, even though they were meant for supporting “good posture.” Around the 16th century corsets became tighter, and were specifically designed to boast lifted breasts and a tiny waist! Yikes!
Which brings us to our next question. Why is lingerie still a thing, and how has negligee culture changed over the years?
Undergarments have evolved from the intricate, and literally breath-taking caging they once were to an entire world for every one and every occasion. The 20th century gave us the thong, the push-up bra, patten leather and the glamorous pin-up look. From lingerie’s restricting past has sprung a lacier, lighter, more daring and delicate present.
And even though we have more “options” than we did a hundred-some years ago, it’s not just that easy. The lingerie market has been, and still is mainly, advertised only to those who fit a certain societal standard of beauty. I have an issue here, and it’s simply this – I don’t think we wear lingerie to fit a societal standard! At all! I think we wear it for something else completely! I think it varies from person to person, but lingerie can help us embody the beautiful, powerful, and sexy selves we feel empowered by! Wearing it can boost confidence. And it’s meant for everyone, period. If you want to wear lingerie, go for it! In fact, go wild!
If only our confidence, shoot, our brains, worked like that!
Most of us know how self-judgement works… ahem, it’s sneaky! And this gets directly to the root of why I believe we can choose to wear lingerie. Instead of wearing lingerie to match a standard, what if we used lingerie to set our own life standards. Standards that feel good. Like, “Yes. I’m enough. This body is enough. Far beyond enough, in fact. What exists in here deserves every decoration I can give it. Because I. Am. Incredible. And I wear this to remind myself of these facts.”
We LOVE Monique Morin. This lingerie brand is beautiful on every body, and shamelessly celebrates curves! Check out this full Bloodstone set!
OOOoooh, but watch it, Trystology! You’re starting to sound like every other body-positivity channel out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah… I’m great! I still struggle sometimes, and I think that should be fine! This may surprise you, but we agree! Feeling wonderful about everything, all the time is… not realistic. So where did this current body positivity movement come from?
The Body Positive Movement
Here in 2022, we live within a society working hard to accept bodies of every size, age, color and gender, but this movement isn’t new! At all! Many brave people paved the way toward the body-love messaging we enjoy today. It all started in the 1960’s with the founding of the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA), or the ‘Fat Acceptance Movement.’ This is important to note, because at the time, heavier set people were fighting for their civil rights! They believed they shouldn’t have to change, that is was society who should change it’s standard of beauty instead! People wanted correct care from doctors, and wanted the right to celebrate their bodies without shame! That’s 100% fierce, warriors. Thank you!
This movement was also deeply soaked in racial justice. The standard of beauty toted throughout the 60’s was… how do I say… skinny and white! And even though this movement lit a spark, it still took the Western World decades to catch up and we have a way to go! Yes, all bodies are beautiful, and all deserve the right to live, walk, and flaunt confidently. But does this mean everyone should be talking about it on social media, using this hash-tag to gain followers? Even if they already fit society’s old standard? Is this new fad of “loving our bodies” taking away from a movement passionately started by people who were really trying to make a point?!
Enter body neutrality!
What psychologists have found throughout the decades since this movement began resonates with the original message of the movement. Here’s a question for you. Look down at your legs. What do you like about them? Is your answer purely superficial, or do you love your legs for the journey they’ve walked? Do you like/judge their shape because of how they make you look, or are you grateful for their well-being because of what they allow you to do? This is body neutrality. We may like the way our bodies look some days more than others, but we can always be grateful for our health. It’s possible to relish in walking, not because our legs look good, but because it allows us to see the world! We can appreciate our arms for those we’re able to hug! Simple. And we can wear lingerie because it makes us feel good!
What can we say… we told you, we really love Monique Morin! Here’s another gem – the Vertigo set! Comfy, supportive, and SO sexy đ
Our bodies are like our own personal spaceships. We can decorate them however we want, but the larger WE drives the ship. Thatgreater aspect of ourselves feels, thinks, loves, and is the most important part of who we are. What if we sought out beauty to dress this instead? Cumulatively, wouldn’t we all look and feel better?
Mom’s lingerie wisdom đ
When I was probably 16, my mom took me bra shopping. Don’t get me wrong, I had underwear and basic bra trainers before this, but I didn’t have a proper bra. Needless to say, this was a big deal! When we got to the mall, we entered Victoria’s Secret, and this time it wasn’t for my mom. It was for me, and I felt terrified. My mother lovingly looked at me and asked, “What do you like?” I didn’t know. I didn’t really look like the models on the wall, and I felt awkward! “Don’t look at them,” she said. “What do you like?”
I browsed. I knew I needed the basics, because I was briefed on the way, so I looked for a simple bra – one that could be worn under anything. One that would hold up, and be comfortable. I shook when I got sized, and finally found the basics I needed. Once I had those new bras in hand, something felt different. I felt feminine, but I still didn’t look like the ladies on the walls.
My mom was waiting for me outside of the dressing room. She looked at my new bras, and told me, “You know, you should get one bra, just because it’s beautiful!” I shyly looked around, and found one. It was gorgeous. Pink lace, push-up, and perfect. I tried it on, and felt amazing. In fact, I felt beautiful! We bought the bras and went back to car. Before we drove home, she glanced over at me.
“Why did I have you get one bra you loved? Who do you think that bra is for?” she asked.
I didn’t know how to answer her! Could I tell her how beautiful I felt? Would she judge me, or give me a sex talk I wasn’t ready for? I stared blankly.
“Honey,” she said, “I had you get that bra for you. The best lingerie you will ever own will be the lingerie you wear for yourself. I wear my best lingerie to celebrate me! When I have a job interview, or I’ve paid all of my bills, or I just wake up feeling less than perfect, lingerie acts as armor. It’s a reminder to me of my beauty inside. I hope it always does the same for you. Because you’re worth it.”
I love this memory with my mom. She’s a wise woman, and only makes more sense the older I get. May her wisdom be enough for every single one of us.
So reader, are you enough for lingerie?
Absolutely, undoubtably, YES! You can decorate your form however you see fit! Does it matter what you look like? Nope. All that matters is that you like you – the you on the inside. Do we want you to love your body? Yes we do. But we want you to love it for the spark it houses. That spark deserves all of our love! And size ain’t got nothin’ to do with it. We promise!
To see what we’ve got cooking at Trystology this month, follow us on Instagram, @Trystology!
Ever heard the old saying, “Age is just a number?” Well, sometimes yes and sometimes no, right?
Welcome back to Trystology Talks, friends! In this article we’re exploring sex and aging – the facts and the myths, all while recognizing the unique journey each of us has walked. Some of us have adventured further along this path than others, and although it can be difficult watching ourselves change and transform as the years roll on, aging is something sacred that unites us all. Our wrinkles represent our pasts, and whether those wrinkles signify our children, our scars, our smiles or our pain, (or all of the above), they’re proof of the paths we’ve walked, and stories we’ve lived. So, does this aging mandate a specific time and place for a sorrowful goodbye to our sexual selves or intimate desires? Do we have to lose our mojo as we age? Simply put, not if we don’t want to!
Now, is there anything wrong with choosing to let it go? Not at all. But as we said before, we all have a unique journey within the skin we’re in. Some may feel completely satisfied without sexual desire in their lives after a certain point while others feel drawn to further exploring their sexuality until they bid they’re last farewell. Either way is perfectly fine, but our goal in writing this is to empower you with good information to choose for yourself!
No matter your age, your body is your first home. It is not separate from you, and fuels whatever life you choose to live. Please love it for everything it is, everything it does, and everything it has allowed and continues to allow you to experience. You. Are. Worth. It.
Always.
So let’s get down to brass tax. What happens to the body and our sexuality as we age?
Beyond age, even gender, the truth is we all share the same primary sex organ. The brain. Is it just a sex organ? We know, no. It orchestrates all bodily function, including aging and regulating our sexual organs.
As our brains age, certain hormone production slows, and that’s all part of life. Let’s face it – we don’t need to reproduce for our whole time here. This is why women experience menopause and men experience lower sex drive. But our ability or inability to reproduce need not dictate our choice to have orgasms as we age! The human orgasm is a cocktail beneficial to the body throughout our lives. Yes, it can boost the immune system. Yes, it can produce hormones providing easier access to joy and happiness. And yes, it can combat high cortisol levels throughout the body, lowering systemic stress, even relieving pain.
So what’s normal for each gender regarding sex and aging?
Women
Women can go through many changes as they age since their unique physiology is designed to house and birth life. A woman may experience changes in her vagina, which can shorten, narrow and become more stiff as the vaginal walls thin, especially if there has been a longer break in sexual activity. Whereas this may cause some painful intercourse, there are ways to navigate this. First, we at Trystology always recommend a water based lube, like Sutil Rich Body Glide, partnered with a simple vibrator. Even if you’ve enjoyed years of partnered bliss, the vibrator can act as a tool to help move lubricant up and around the vaginal wall, encouraging more supple tissue within. This practice can lead to less pain during intercourse, and honestly, boost your confidence that girl… yes you can still have an orgasm!
The Dame Arc is a perfect tool to re-awaken delicate vaginal tissue within. Sex and Aging Tip: Please use a water-based lubricant for insertion. We recommend Sutil, for it also contains hyaluron, the same component in hyaluronic acid that helps rebuild the skin’s surface… just within the vaginal canal đ
Also, many women at some point in their lives have either a partial or total hysterectomy. This can mean part of the uterus, the entire uterus, or the uterus and fallopian tubes and ovaries are removed. Does this mean the vagina is gone? No. The clitoris? No. Pleasure centers still exist, and whereas there may be some hormonal changes for sure, this doesn’t mean the end of a fulfilling intimate life with a partner, or solo. If this means hormone therapy for you, you may notice a surprising increase in sexual drive, and this is 100% normal. Our suggestion is with lube and a vibrator, get to know your pleasure centers again with confidence, and don’t write off pleasure if your body is craving more! And please, if these methods don’t work for you, consult your doctor to see what’s possible!
Men
Yes, as men age, some performance issues can arise, (and pssst, that’s normal and okay!). Impotence can be a very real struggle for men, and not just sexually. It can impact a man’s confidence and the way they view themselves throughout their daily lives. Herbal supplements or medications can prove to be helpful, but our first suggestion is this – have the courage to get to know your body again. Some men benefit from using rings, commonly known as “cock rings,” to restrict blood flow within the penis, aiding in longer lasting erections. Some rings also provide vibration to the perineum, which stimulate the prostate from the body’s exterior. Vibration on the penis itself can help with arousal, often times best if low and rumbly. Also, to keep a healthy p-spot, men can use toys designed to stimulate the prostate internally! We know this method isn’t for everyone, but can really boost your overall prostate health and the quality of your orgasm.
The We-Vibe Vector is a perfect tool to explore sex and aging in men. It provides different sensations on the testicles and perineum while adding constriction to the penis – and for the brave of heart, the testicles too!. The entire mechanism vibrates, giving pleasure to any partner looking to saddle up.
Similar to women, some men require surgeries as they age, specifically procedures known as prostatectomys. This surgery is performed to remove the prostate all together, but again, this does not mean a fulfilling sexual life is no longer within reach. If you have questions, check in with yourself first. If the methods stated above don’t work for you, ask your doctor! Theres simply no shame in scheduling an appointment to boost your overall ability to love the skin you’re in.
Our Non-binary Fam
Like I said at the top of the article, sex and aging unite us all. I’ll be frank – the information regarding aging within the non-binary community is specialized. I want to encourage each of you to love the body you’re in, and I want to provide good information for you to do so! This knowledge is admittedly outside of my wheelhouse, but I did find some great information for you to review! Please check out this pdf full of great info, and let us know what you think.
Great question! When anyone goes without intimate pleasure for a period of time, whether that’s two weeks, a month, or multiple years, the body and mind can enter a state of sexual hibernation. This may make the idea of sex seem uninteresting, or just out of reach completely. While this hibernation is a normal response to lack of sex, it can cause rifts in our minds and within our relationships. Does this mean we have to give up? No. We can always come back to our sensual selves, it just may take some effort! In our youth, we are often driven by our sexual needs, and as we age, especially within long-term relationships, we sometimes need to transition from being driven to driving by choice. There can be slow and sweet ways of going about this by simply adding more intimacy into our relationship. Intimacy doesn’t mandate sex – ever. Intimacy for you could be holding hands more often, enjoying walks together, kissing, even snuggling. Re-establishing physical closeness can be a crucial element of keeping our love alive!
To everyone out there, young and young at heart, thank you. Thank you for reading, and thank you for exploring the ways you can love the skin you’re in, no matter your age. Regardless of where we are along this journey of life, its important to check in with ourselves to determine what’s right for us in any given moment. Along this path of sex and aging, we wish you luck, love, and pleasure.
As always, we at Trystology encourage you to Own Your Orgasm! At every age đ
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It was the stuff of dreams, and so long ago I only remember pieces. Embraces here, sighs there, hands on the crook of my hip, all followed by myriad feelings and ah-ha moments Iâm still grateful for â freedom, shared self-respect, joyful consent, and a deep recognition of human beauty which surpassed anything Iâd felt before. Iâve grappled with how to say this for years, probably because I’ve feared the shame of sharing, but truth be told the experience made me better! I became a better lover, more compassionate to myself, and more empathetic to the love other couples share in and out of the bedroom. This recognition of beauty opened my eyes to the intangible energy of beauty that exists within us all. So if you’re curious about whether or not a threesome is right for you, Trystology is here to help!
Now, is everyoneâs first intimate, multi-person experience like this example? No, and that’s exactly why we’re using it to kick off this March 3rd, National Threesome Day! (And if you cocked your head to the side reading ‘National Threesome Day,’ yes, it’s a real thing and we didn’t make it up!) There’s a lot to demystify when it comes to the world of multi-person play of any kind. So in light of the day, Trystology is here to hopefully give you helpful tools to navigate turning this fantasy into reality, realistically!
I think itâs only responsible to include a disclaimer here:
Having threesomes does not make you better or worse at sex, more or less experienced, and certainly not more or less sexy! It’s simply an experience we can choose to take part in, or not! No one moment in any of our lives define us. A close friend reminded me just today that life is a long, complicated journey, taking many twists and turns, highways and detours. The whole painting makes us who we are, and weâre always free to add more paint! So please, read responsibly. Here at Trystology we value sex positivity in all its expressions, and believe us, itâs a vast spectrum! Our goal is making you feel safe, sexy, confident, and beautiful within the skin, heart and mind you inhabit. Do you need a threesome to get there? Absolutely not! But if you feel a threesome is right for you, read on!
Ah â one more thing. Yes, Trystology is full of sex educators of all kinds, but weâre just humans striving to live life on our terms the very best we can. This comes from a few perspectives, and doesn’t claim to speak truth to everyone. Take what resonates and leave the rest! YOU know you best!
Alright, letâs dive in… what is a threesome?!
I wish I could provide a clear cut answer to this question, but the truth is, I can’t. I don’t mean to disappoint, but here’s why. Yes, we can agree the term threesome involves three consenting individuals, but does this necessarily mean nudity or intercourse? Well, no. As we begin exploring dream threesomes, I think it’s important to acknowledge that multi-person play can happen in a variety of ways.
In her book The Ultimate Guide to Threesomes, Stella Harris writes that especially if it’s your first threesome, “it can be a great idea to start small. There doesn’t need to be nudity or genitally focused sex acts for a threesome to be fun.”
We highly recommend this book to anyone looking to create the threesome right for them!
She makes a great point here! Our seasoned readers know all too well that true intimacy surpasses the physical act of sex! It involves establishing safety and trust, knowing our bodies, setting our boundaries, and establishing great communication to truly allow ourselves the brain space to receive pleasure. Can a threesome include all parties participating in intercourse? Yes, but couldn’t it also manifest as an intimate massage? Snuggling? Strip games, or simply making out? Yes, yes, yes, and yes!
The Safety of the Set Up
It’s always first, isn’t it? The fact is this can be a really big decision requiring planning and patience, but can also happen on a whim! And even though many of our fantasies include this out-of-the blue rendezvous, we are here to inform you that the random hook-up is rare, people! It just is. I think many people feel that if there’s too much planning involved the sexiness fades, when that certainly doesn’t have to be true! Where there’s a will, there’s a way, so trust your gut. Here’s how we recommend doing this safely.
First, communication is key.
There are lot of reasons to have a threesome, and many reasons not to, so please marinate on this for a while. Some great reasons to seek a threesome could include living out fantasies, trying something new with a partner or friend, meeting new people intimately, or even confronting jealousy or possessiveness! However, threesomes can’t fix what may feel like a broken relationship, and should never be used as a form of revenge. Our sexuality is precious, and when we are injured or injure others within this realm, the hurt resonates deeply and can carry on for many years. When done with integrity, the joy can last for just as long. Our tip? Make sure you’re sound in your decision and that all parties involved are game.
Second, allow yourself to trust everyone involved.
Here in 2022, there are many great sites to plan hook-ups like Adult Friend Finder, Fet Life, and 3Fun, or you could party with people you already know! However, when seeking your dream threesome, ask the questions that are most important to you while allowing others to do the same. What do I mean? I’m so glad you asked! Let’s say you’re in a relationship and looking for a third to horizontal hokey-pokey. Are you okay with your partner kissing someone else? What is their comfortability with you doing the same? Are you looking to invite a man, a woman, or someone non-binary? Which positions have you pictured in your fantasies? Knowing what’s comfortable and what isn’t is vitally important here!
If you’re single, how do you see the threesome of your dreams? Do you want to know these people after the deed, or are you simply looking for the experience by itself? Get specific! Write it all down! And let yourself fantasize! I’ve said for years that sex is wonderfully weird. I’ve had some straaaange sex dreams that left me waking up, craving pizza. All I’m saying is the flow of our thoughts is unpredictable at best, but very informative! Listen and tune into yourself to find what works for you without shame or guilt!
Last, use protection and don’t feel weird asking potential partners about their sexual health.
Need some condoms? We’ve got you covered! Lovability condoms are made from high-quality, long-lasting latex, and the packaging is great!
There are ways to conduct these conversations with kindness. You could start by opening up about your own sexual health, and go from there! We feel comfortable speaking about our health in every other way! The truth is, stigmas surrounding sexual health keep people in cycles of either catching STI’s or judging others who have them all because they lack good information. Save yourself the stress – ask and share.
Minding Manners
Believe it or not, this topic is so incredibly vast, multiple thick books and articles have been written about it. This is just one more in a wide sea of information, and we still highly suggest reading from some pros, like Stella Harris! That said, let’s talk etiquette. And guess what… we’re talking about honesty and boundaries!
Yes, lovers, your honesty is an aspect of basic politeness.
In order to achieve the threesome of your dreams, honesty is crucial. How can you expect honesty from a group if you’re not showing up honestly yourself? Every successful threesome story I’ve heard involves all people getting their needs met, and that doesn’t happen by magic. Discussing our needs, fantasies, hard yeses and clear no’s can play into the sexiness and success of great threesomes! Also, whatever boundaries you and your partners set need to be respected at all times. Everyone’s major is sex organ is their big, juicy brain. If that brain doesn’t feel safe or respected, it’s a no-O-go! (See what I did there?)
The greatest joys of threesomes come when all involved are comfortable and relaxed! Provide snacks and beverages, negotiate how to take breaks, and make comfortable space! This extra time and courtesy can yield true partnered ecstasy, great orgasms, and maybe some great snuggled sleep! Like anything else, if you’re hosting, we urge you to be a good host! If you’re a guest, be a great guest! Some light food, beverages, and great music are great ingredients to get the night going.
Lastly, should we expect the threesome to be perfect?
Should we expect to have the greatest orgasm ever, and if we don’t, deem the experience a huge mistake? No. When we start discussing multi-person play, I personally believe we should emphasize sensuality over overt sexuality. There’s an element of trial and error to any first intimate encounter, so of course there will be when another person is added to the mix. Whether we’re talking sweet caressing or steamy, more time-consuming BDSM, a threesome can be quite the experience! We should feel free to revel in all parts of it. Feel each other. Luxuriate in each other by recognizing that you are a part of beauty itself. Then joyfully recognize, so are they.
Do Unicorns Exist in Real Life?
Yes they do! This guy may not be the usual suspect, but who knows! Stella Harris defines unicorns like this: “Generally, any third in a threesome scenario. Initially coined to refer to an attractive bisexual woman who would join a couple to fulfill their fantasies while not having needs of her own, and who would then go her own way. Termed unicorn because such people don’t exist.” A lot to unpack here, but this definition gives us a lot of important information to go off of.
Unicorns are people with needs too!
I think it’s important Harris defined unicorn in this way. Many seeking a dream threesome as a couple think their unicorns won’t have needs of their own, or that their role is limited to giving the couple the pleasure they crave. Consent reigns as the ruler of all sexual encounters, and a threesome is no different. Everyone is there, everyone deserves the pleasure of the moment! Fair, right? Right. Now, are all unicorns looking for an orgasm? Not necessarily. Just like threesomes are difficult to clearly define, the roles of unicorns can be too. Really, it’s whatever consenting adults agree to.
Another important point – do all threesomes have a unicorn? NO! Sometimes three people can just agree to have a great time! I think the name of the threesome game is expanding your view of sexuality, and enjoying the ride!
So how did my snowy night end?
Wonderfully, all because of how it began. I was blessed to have amazing partners who ensured comfortability, respect, sensuality, and safety. By the time we were finished, we all giggled and snuggled sweetly. I can’t speak for them, but the threesome almost felt like an out of body experience. It was as if we were dancing in the stars. Was it hot? Hell yes! I didn’t worry about my imperfections once, which came as a shock. Deep down, I still thought I had to be enough for good sex, or to even be considered attractive. I compared myself to every person I considered beautiful, and always felt just out of reach. Almost enough, but not quite. I didn’t yet realize great intimacy could be available to everyone! Two incredible human beings changed that for me. I’m thankful for their gorgeous selves and souls to this day. Their support, sweetness, and loving willingness to play actually changed my life. Since that night I have loved my body and spirit more by judging them less. You know who you are, and I will never forget you. I send you silent smiles often and hope you receive them, only to find yourselves smiling out of the blue.
Good luck out there, lovers! We at Trystology wish you safety, joy, acceptance, beauty and a very Happy National Threesome Day! Something to note – other than defining the term unicorn, this article was intentionally written to be genderless. The threesome of your dreams won’t be the same as others, but we all experience intimacy, touch, arousal and fantasy. May we all revel in the skin we’re in! Period!
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Hello readers, and welcome back to Trystology Talk Valentineâs edition, part two! We are kicking off Valentine’s weekend with a list of our Top-10 Toys, so if you’re new,lucky you!
Trystology started this “Month of Love” with a simplechallenge. You were all invited to somehow prioritize yourselves every day for two weeks, all to prepare for authentic time spent with the ones you love this Valentine’s Day! Our question? How did that go? Would you say it was… easy?
If you did we’re jealous, because prioritizing ourselves wasn’t easy at all! Life moves fast and the truth is, in order to have quality alone time, we have to make it. There were days my only quality time was a thoughtful cup of tea. However, I also found pockets of time throughout the week where I could set time for myself more often. Easy? No. Worth it? You bet! So in light of our collective “ah-ha” moment, we have an idea!
This may sound bold, but after all this quality time reprioritizing the relationship with ourselves, Trystology wants to re-invent Valentineâs Day!
Maybe instead of roses or chocolates for just one day, we could dedicate time to ourselves whenever possible, (especially in February), to better appreciate those closest to us year-round. And yes, we have the ability to make that process sensual! Life is so multi-dimensional, and when we stay connected to ourselves, we can connect honestly with the ones we love! It is feasible to live our busy lives, and introduce romantic escapades, quality time, and even toys to our partners with fierce confidence as ourselves! It’s simply all about making the time.
And hereâs a little secret – when we know what we like alone, weâre better equipped to excel in partnered bliss!
So here it is, the wait is over! We proudly present Trystologyâs Top-10 Toys, and wish you and your partner quality time… together!
You may be asking why we started here. Does it vibrate? Nope. Mandate penetration or aggression? Also noooooo! Bondage is all about taking something away to heighten something else, and yes, this comes in varying degrees. It requires consent above all else, because bondage is meant to aidin vulnerability as opposed to ever causing harm to another individual. And whereas flogging, restraints, ball-gags and blindfolds can seem scary, the true benefit of these tools isnât defined by how brutally theyâre used. The measure of their benefit exists within the deep intention of their use.
As a quick example, let’s explore blindfolds! When we blindfold our partners, or allow them to blindfold us, we invite a heightened level of focus to our sensual experience. The human body is so attuned to knowing our surroundings that when one sense is removed, or hindered, the others heighten! Blindfolds, and other bondage tools, can give couples the opportunity to reconnect and rediscover each other, sweety with some spice so nice. Here are our favorite sets, but we also sell blindfolds galore! Take a browse.
Iâd like to ask delicately if youâve ever been in an intimate position that was⌠um⌠difficult to hold? Perhaps, unsteady? Maybe kinda awkward? Well, we all need some cushion for the pushinâ sometimes, and Liberator products are here to save you! We picked the Liberator Wedge Pillows as #2 on our list because of just how much comfort, control, and depth of sensation they provide couples by positioning them comfortably. These pillows are specifically designed to support backs while lifting the goods! They come in cute designs, theyâre discrete, theyâre strong, super durable, and they help!
#2 Top Ten Toys
Honestly, just please get one! Please! You will not regret it, we promise!
One of the hardest questions any of us get in the shop is, âWhat is the best toy?!â The question usually accompanies hopeful eyes. The truth is we all have a different answer because every body is unique. To us, vibrating toys are defined by their type of vibration. As our long-time readers know, not all vibration is created equal! Itâs just not. Some rumble, some buzz, some flicker, and all feel great to different people! Hot Octopus products sport a both rumbly and fast vibration all at once, and their Atom Plus does not disappoint.
#3 Top Ten Toys
This tool provides restriction to the penis, vibration to the testicles, and equal vibration to anyone enjoying the ride! The silicone is beautifully made, and my favorite part of this tool is the width of vibration for that cowgirl in you! Even though the Atom Plus is classified as a âcock-ringâ, itâs perfectly designed to vibrate the entire clitoral network of the rider.
We-Vibe products always find a way into our top recommendations for good reason! Their silicone is supple and smooth, and the vibration varies from low to strong seamlessly. We put the Moxie at #4 on our list because of how flirty it is! Looking to be a tease, or just teased? The We-Vibe Moxie snaps onto the panty-line with a durable magnet. Once in place, pull up those big girl panties and buzz around! You can keep the remote for a sneaky self-pleasured day, or surrender the controls to someone you love!
#4 Top Ten Toys
If youâre craving a fun date night, and have or love a clitoris, this toy turns up the heat for a steamy nightâs end.
Trystology Tip: While not all women require clitoral stimulation to achieve climax, most do. And not for, like, a few seconds either. The fact is, it takes a lot of women up to 40 minutes of stimulation to have an orgasm, and tools like this, teasing like this, can help clitoral companions get there faster!
Weâre talking booty, boo! Ah, the Aneros Syn V. Full disclosure, if we were making a list strictly about anal play, menâs health, or orgasms by direct prostate engagement, this tool would be #1. The Aneros Syn V is designed to vibe directly on the prostate by way of the anus. The silicone is smooth, yet hard, for a steady, strong vibration that wonât quit.
#5 Top Ten Toys
But Trystology⌠arenât there implications to finding anal stimulation pleasurable? What if Iâm⌠straight?
Well, itâs one thing if anal play isnât your thing, but men find internal stimulation pleasurable because thereâs a lot of nerve endings down there, period. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with it! Better yet, internal stimulation with the prostate can cause much more intense orgasms for men while ensuring a fully emptied prostate. Health!
So nice, We-Vibe made it on Trystology’s top ten toys twice! The We-Vibe Tango X is a very versatile tool. It has a rumbly vibration that goes from a steady low to a decent high. The glory of this tool is not in itâs crazy power, however. Rumbly vibrations penetrate the skin, pleasuring deeper nerves, so the Tango X provides pointed vibration for full body chills.
#6 Top Ten Toys
Itâs also one of the longest bullet vibrators on the market. Itâs a âchoose-your-own-adventureâ bullet, and we approve!
The Rianne S Plugs made #7 on our list for all the right reasons! Even if this type of play makes you squeamish, please read!!
In our humble Trystology opinion, plugs donât get the credit they deserve, but we understand why! This type of pleasure can seem really intimidating at first! Iâve said it in previous articles, and Iâll say it again⌠I donât know you, but say you were standing in front of me, minding your business peacefully. Then, out of nowhere, I lunged at you. I guarantee your sphincter would pucker! Donât act like it wouldnât!
When we are afraid, we tense! And anal play, when done incorrectly, can be incredibly uncomfortable. However, when done correctly, (by ensuring trust, consent and optimal arousal, using lube, relaxing, etc), anal play can take any sex life to the next level! These plugs made our top ten toys list because they can stimulate prostates just as effectively as they can stimulate g-spots!
#7 Top Ten Toys
Rianne S. uses very soft silicone, and provides sets to steadily graduate the size of your plug if you want, and at your pace. They also offer gold metal plugs, allowing more advanced users to explore internal pressures and temp variations. And theyâre so cute!
Here at Trystology, we completely understand the importance of finding a good harness. Strapping up can be so fun, so empowering, so intimate, but if the harness isnât secure and comfortable, fully embracing your sexy self can be tough. So without further ado, we introduce the Joque Harness to our top ten toys list!
#8 Top Ten Toys
At #8, the SpareParts Joque Harness ensures the security you need for the passionate play you crave. The O-Ring is interchangeable, giving the wearer options regarding dildo sizes. Our favorite part of this harness is the sneaky pocket, perfectly made for bullets or vibes, so the wearer can give and receive.
We canât say enough good about VixSkin products, and since theyâre here at #9, weâre thrilled to tell you why. The silicone used to create VixSkin dildos is supreme! These products are smooth yet sturdy, and beautifully shaped for thoroughly enjoyed fullness! And thatâs not allâŚ
#9 Top Ten Toys
Sure, a nice, realistic dildo is great, and this company creates many, but they also create products on the wild side⌠and this is important! Letâs face it! Some people love penises, real in all of their splendor, and others donât! We picked this beautiful Tie Bright design to showcase a beautiful dildo that doesnât take itself so seriously! If youâre looking for fullness, a smooth feel, and some delightful fun, the Maverick Tie Bright is one of our favorites!
#10 – An Authentic, Well-Taken Care of YOU!
#10 YOU!
We know this last one is cheeky, but authentic love requires all of you! Even if no toys ever make their way to your partnered or un-partnered bedroom, your creativity, desire, and presence will always belong to you. We at Trystology encourage you to foster relationships which encourage you to cultivate, renew, and remind yourself of the love you crave, and the life you strive to lead! This especially includes your relationship with yourself! Share that authentically!
“But Trystology, we’re busy!” Yeah, yeah, we are too. We’re not saying that here in 2022, it’s simple to make time for ourselves, our partners, or our passions. We’re just saying it’s necessary. So this Valentine’s Day, give the gift of time. Time to yourself and those you love doesn’t happen by magic. Like all things in life, these things happen when we plan for them. So plan to live a smile-worthy life! And start today!
Oh… and please, please make time for your orgasm. Own it! Self-love is the gift that keeps on giving, and Trystology wishes you and your partner abundance, joy, connected intimacy, and a very Happy Valentine’s Day!
Trystology would like to say a special thank you to AVN!!!!
AVN, (The Adult Video Network), has nominated Trystology as 2022âs Best Boutique!! In the NATION!! We don’t know how well you know the industry, but this is a HUGE HONOR!
First, congratulations to our very own Roylin Downs! None of this is possible without you, and you have uplifted your staff along with your community. Youâve changed our lives, enabling us to give the love you teach. Thank you, Roylin <3
And to our loyal customers, new and old, this really isnât possible without you! We strive to give you the best only as a reminder that you deserve the best. Because you do, in all areas of your life! But only if you believe it.
We know you’re worth it, always! And we love you, Valentine! <3
