When did lingerie become… a thing? And why, in 2022, do we still wear it? Do we have to look a certain way to “pull it off?” And in order to wear lingerie, do I have to be… enough? Sexy enough, trim enough, having big enough “whatevers” here, and small enough “whatevers” there?
Also, what is body positivity, what is body neutrality, and how can I just happily live within this skin I’m in without the nonsense?
Great questions đ Welcome to spring, Trystologists!
Yes, April dons National Lingerie Day, and even though the actual date of this holiday is the 25th, we’re going to be discussing lingerie throughout the month – for some great reasons. Reader, before you comb through the rest of this article, please ask yourself the few questions posed at the beginning, and from your perspective, answer them honestly. We’re in deep, we know, but hang tight – it’ll all make sense in the end!
Did you do it? Mmm-kay, let’s begin…
Lingerie’s closeted history began longer ago than you may think!
Believe it or not, lingerie predates the modern “tighty-whities” our mother’s taught us to change daily by about 300 years, give or take a few. Before the 20th century, men wore pantaloons, women wore pantalettes, and they were often made of two separate pieces of cloth tied together, which is where the modern terminology of “pair” of underwear comes from. Lingerie, however, was a different thing all together.
The first known “lingerie” was the chemise, made from soft, sheer cotton muslin and often cinched to look like a billowy dress… or a shower curtain. In the late 18th century, historical fashionista Marie Antoinette was said to have many chemises because she so strongly disliked corsets, (ahem… who could blame her?!), and enraged the French courts after an artist agreed to paint the queen in only her nether-bits. The chemise was worn under dresses, yes, but they were also delicate and demure for women of the time.
So why did Marie Antoinette, along with so many others, dislike corsets? Entire rooms, even pieces of furniture, were dedicated to fainting women suffocating under these whale-bone torture machines, pulled tight to accentuate small waists! The corset’s uncomfortable history dates back to the Minoan Empire when they were built for each gender. These corsets didn’t have the same sexy look they do now. They more closely resembled armor, and did a lot of damage to bodies, even though they were meant for supporting “good posture.” Around the 16th century corsets became tighter, and were specifically designed to boast lifted breasts and a tiny waist! Yikes!
Which brings us to our next question. Why is lingerie still a thing, and how has negligee culture changed over the years?
Undergarments have evolved from the intricate, and literally breath-taking caging they once were to an entire world for every one and every occasion. The 20th century gave us the thong, the push-up bra, patten leather and the glamorous pin-up look. From lingerie’s restricting past has sprung a lacier, lighter, more daring and delicate present.
And even though we have more “options” than we did a hundred-some years ago, it’s not just that easy. The lingerie market has been, and still is mainly, advertised only to those who fit a certain societal standard of beauty. I have an issue here, and it’s simply this – I don’t think we wear lingerie to fit a societal standard! At all! I think we wear it for something else completely! I think it varies from person to person, but lingerie can help us embody the beautiful, powerful, and sexy selves we feel empowered by! Wearing it can boost confidence. And it’s meant for everyone, period. If you want to wear lingerie, go for it! In fact, go wild!
If only our confidence, shoot, our brains, worked like that!
Most of us know how self-judgement works… ahem, it’s sneaky! And this gets directly to the root of why I believe we can choose to wear lingerie. Instead of wearing lingerie to match a standard, what if we used lingerie to set our own life standards. Standards that feel good. Like, “Yes. I’m enough. This body is enough. Far beyond enough, in fact. What exists in here deserves every decoration I can give it. Because I. Am. Incredible. And I wear this to remind myself of these facts.”
OOOoooh, but watch it, Trystology! You’re starting to sound like every other body-positivity channel out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah… I’m great! I still struggle sometimes, and I think that should be fine! This may surprise you, but we agree! Feeling wonderful about everything, all the time is… not realistic. So where did this current body positivity movement come from?
The Body Positive Movement
Here in 2022, we live within a society working hard to accept bodies of every size, age, color and gender, but this movement isn’t new! At all! Many brave people paved the way toward the body-love messaging we enjoy today. It all started in the 1960’s with the founding of the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA), or the ‘Fat Acceptance Movement.’ This is important to note, because at the time, heavier set people were fighting for their civil rights! They believed they shouldn’t have to change, that is was society who should change it’s standard of beauty instead! People wanted correct care from doctors, and wanted the right to celebrate their bodies without shame! That’s 100% fierce, warriors. Thank you!
This movement was also deeply soaked in racial justice. The standard of beauty toted throughout the 60’s was… how do I say… skinny and white! And even though this movement lit a spark, it still took the Western World decades to catch up and we have a way to go! Yes, all bodies are beautiful, and all deserve the right to live, walk, and flaunt confidently. But does this mean everyone should be talking about it on social media, using this hash-tag to gain followers? Even if they already fit society’s old standard? Is this new fad of “loving our bodies” taking away from a movement passionately started by people who were really trying to make a point?!
Enter body neutrality!
What psychologists have found throughout the decades since this movement began resonates with the original message of the movement. Here’s a question for you. Look down at your legs. What do you like about them? Is your answer purely superficial, or do you love your legs for the journey they’ve walked? Do you like/judge their shape because of how they make you look, or are you grateful for their well-being because of what they allow you to do? This is body neutrality. We may like the way our bodies look some days more than others, but we can always be grateful for our health. It’s possible to relish in walking, not because our legs look good, but because it allows us to see the world! We can appreciate our arms for those we’re able to hug! Simple. And we can wear lingerie because it makes us feel good!
Our bodies are like our own personal spaceships. We can decorate them however we want, but the larger WE drives the ship. That greater aspect of ourselves feels, thinks, loves, and is the most important part of who we are. What if we sought out beauty to dress this instead? Cumulatively, wouldn’t we all look and feel better?
Mom’s lingerie wisdom đ
When I was probably 16, my mom took me bra shopping. Don’t get me wrong, I had underwear and basic bra trainers before this, but I didn’t have a proper bra. Needless to say, this was a big deal! When we got to the mall, we entered Victoria’s Secret, and this time it wasn’t for my mom. It was for me, and I felt terrified. My mother lovingly looked at me and asked, “What do you like?” I didn’t know. I didn’t really look like the models on the wall, and I felt awkward! “Don’t look at them,” she said. “What do you like?”
I browsed. I knew I needed the basics, because I was briefed on the way, so I looked for a simple bra – one that could be worn under anything. One that would hold up, and be comfortable. I shook when I got sized, and finally found the basics I needed. Once I had those new bras in hand, something felt different. I felt feminine, but I still didn’t look like the ladies on the walls.
My mom was waiting for me outside of the dressing room. She looked at my new bras, and told me, “You know, you should get one bra, just because it’s beautiful!” I shyly looked around, and found one. It was gorgeous. Pink lace, push-up, and perfect. I tried it on, and felt amazing. In fact, I felt beautiful! We bought the bras and went back to car. Before we drove home, she glanced over at me.
“Why did I have you get one bra you loved? Who do you think that bra is for?” she asked.
I didn’t know how to answer her! Could I tell her how beautiful I felt? Would she judge me, or give me a sex talk I wasn’t ready for? I stared blankly.
“Honey,” she said, “I had you get that bra for you. The best lingerie you will ever own will be the lingerie you wear for yourself. I wear my best lingerie to celebrate me! When I have a job interview, or I’ve paid all of my bills, or I just wake up feeling less than perfect, lingerie acts as armor. It’s a reminder to me of my beauty inside. I hope it always does the same for you. Because you’re worth it.”
I love this memory with my mom. She’s a wise woman, and only makes more sense the older I get. May her wisdom be enough for every single one of us.
So reader, are you enough for lingerie?
Absolutely, undoubtably, YES! You can decorate your form however you see fit! Does it matter what you look like? Nope. All that matters is that you like you – the you on the inside. Do we want you to love your body? Yes we do. But we want you to love it for the spark it houses. That spark deserves all of our love! And size ain’t got nothin’ to do with it. We promise!
To see what we’ve got cooking at Trystology this month, follow us on Instagram, @Trystology!
