I, personally, had always been curious about sex toys (you’re surprised, right?!?). Since my mid-thirties, I had wanted to explore the concept of a vibrator and how it might work for my body, but my embarrassment of going into a store held me back. So it wasn’t for lack of interest on my part – but my overwhelming sense of embarrassment if anyone knew!

• What if someone sees me?
• What will they think?

I suspect that many women are like me. Inside they have passions and desires, but perhaps their lifestyles, partner situations, and workload doesn’t allow our needs and desires to be satisfied. Perhaps manual stimulation, which previously worked, doesn’t seem to be doing the trick, or maybe, we just know there’s got to be something more. The reality is that the desire to purchase a product, and the act of actually going out and purchasing one was more than you were able to physically do. You were overwhelmed by embarrassment.

If exploring using a vibrator or sex toy for your sexual health is something that is right for you, these limitations shouldn’t stop you from getting a toy. Getting a toy, or experiencing achieving an orgasm through use of a vibrator shouldn’t be something you are ashamed of. Many women have never had an orgasm, and that’s something I think is wrong. My reasoning for promoting the use of sensual products and vibrators is to insure all women experience their natural gifts, and sometimes the only way a woman can achieve an orgasm is by overriding her brain! Our brains can “teach” us that we can’t have an orgasm, because we have perhaps never experienced one to that point. By using a vibrator, a woman can, in my experience, compel the orgasm to appear. Show itself.  So that women KNOW they can have the orgasm, and find ways to have them more easily.  This of course is the goal.  The orgasm.  Not something nefarious or vulgar.

Over the course of my experience at Trystology, I have encountered women and couples who seem to have a disdain for the concept of toys. I’m not sure where the distain comes from – whether it’s a true dislike for toys or a lack of need for all things mechanical when it comes to the intimacy and orgasms I’m discussing. Or if it comes from a lack of understanding, judgement or fear of trying something that they have been told or perceive is wrong.

There have been a number of occasions where I’ve presented to a group of women, and one woman will be sitting there, scowling in the corner. It’s usually because the hostess surprised the group of women with a gal (me) who brought sex toys, and they’re embarrassed or mortified. One such occasion one participant sat just to my left, and she would say things like “this isn’t something we talk about” and “women don’t need these things, that’s ridiculous”. I was very uncomfortable, however the hostess, aware of her friend’s discomfort, asked me to continue. In the end, this woman came over to me and thanked me for the presentation, as she said it was clearly something the women wanted.

It could be a generational thing, as the gal mentioned above was into her 70’s, and I know that my grandmother’s boyfriend, Dick, who was in his early 90’s once told me “In my day, we didn’t need things like that…” Which made me smile. He was clearly a traditionalist!   However, I have had plenty of customers in their 70’s and 80’s who’ve found their way to the store to get a vibrator, so it’s not that simple. Women of all generations make the decision for themselves as to whether they are open to the idea of using a vibrator, and whether it is right for them and their body.

I have nothing against manual stimulation!  Manual stimulation is something that works for many women and men. Personally, I enjoy my partner’s touch, and during many lovemaking sessions don’t require the use of a vibrator. So if that works for you, I think it’s great! My vision and goal is not to say everyone needs a vibrator. My goal is to empower women to own their orgasm. However we get there, more power to ya! I love the idea of each woman having a bag of tricks and options for how they achieve their orgasm, and on any given day be able to employ the one that works best for her that day!

So what does a toy offer that manual stimulation doesn’t?  Well, we know that each body is different and responds to stimulation in its own way.  What I say about a toy that works for me, may not work for you, and vice versa.  It’s all very personal.  As a broad stroke, vibrators can offer a more immediate, stronger sensation then most manual stimulation can offer.  People can tire more easily, so the body can give out, but for the most part, toys don’t.  With the statistic that most women take 20-40 minutes to have an orgasm, that can be tiring to manually stimulate a person for that period of time… a toy, and many toys nowadays strive for this, can assist a woman in achieving an orgasm in 1-3 minutes!  That can be a game changer.  Like we say in the store, “Men are like microwaves and women like crock pots…we simmer.  With a toy, you can level the playing field and turn a woman into a microwave!”  That’s one of our biggest reasons to recommend the usage of a toy.  evening the playing field.  Not all women like to be microwaves, and that’s okay.  Knowing you can be one, though, is important.  My husband once told me I couldn’t do a “quickie”.  With a toy, I was able to say “oh yeah, watch this…”

So, to toy or not to toy?!?! That’s your call! My goal is to provide you with options and tools you might not have thought of and look into a world that might be foreign to you and provide you with the information you need to make an informed decision as to whether adding tools and toys into your orgasm and lovemaking routine might be right, or even an option, for you!

For more insights and advice on sex, intimacy and toys, subscribe to our YouTube channel, visit the store, or have a private consultation with Roylin.

And don’t miss Roylin’s upcoming book, Trystology A Lover’s Guide.