Category Archives: De-stress

Fantastic Female Fellacio, and Pass the Cake!

A Guide to Oral Pleasure: For Her!

Trystologists – Welcome back to this week’s freaky edition of ‘Female Fellacio,’ with a side of cake! That’s right – April 14th was Cake and Cunnilingus Day, so we’re discussing oral pleasure: for her! We know we’re a little late to the party, but like an extended birthday, we’re offering some deals this week, along with invitations to a special in-store class! (Interested?!?)

First – what is this holiday, and why?! – April 14 was Cake and Cunnilingus Day, the collective ‘feminine flagship’ response to March 14th’s Steak and a Blow Job Day. These all land on the 14th of the month, since Steak and a Blow Job Day exists in response to Valentine’s Day. I’ve said it before, I’m sure you have too.

“People really like sex and oral sex.”

So I think this may just be another excuse to lick our lips mid-month 😉

“I’ll lick your lips.”

Calm down, we’re getting there!

Full disclosure, this article has been more difficult to write than writing and teaching a class about giving oral pleasure to men.

As a receiver of female fellacio, I can only speak to my personal experience – and it’s been rocky!

As a woman, have I enjoyed oral pleasure? Yes, absolutely!

Did that experience come for free?!

NO!

In my youth, I couldn’t fathom there were men in the world who loved giving oral to women! For some reason, it made me feel apologetic, insecure, exposed… looking back, it gave me pretty severe anxiety! (I’ll add here how grateful I am to men who helped me overcome this. If you’re ever reading this, I deeply thank you.)

Sometimes I felt in charge, other times I felt I was being intimately taken charge of (not sure how to explain this, or if I’m alone here), but when I really boiled things down, I was facing my greatest, personal fear.

Asking for what I wanted.

And when it comes to any of our orgasms, we as individuals have to advocate for ourselves.

Bringing us to our first important point:

Fake it ’till you make it does not apply to female fellacio, ya goose!

It actually doesn’t belong in intimacy at all!

We understand, folks. Any kind of sex is vulnerable, and nearly half of the population feels oral is more intimate than intercourse itself.

For some of us, the idea of our loved one covered in a face-full of bits can feel intimidating and exposing all by itself, never mind then mustering the courage to instruct someone how to do it?!

Well Hear Ye, Hear Ye! – Sometimes we all struggle with asking for what we want! And sure, this goes for everyone, not just we vulva-handlers. The only way to get around this, however, is by:

***asking for what you want, already!***

We know that sounded harsh, so let’s soften the blow.

These fears can stem from a lot of stuff… Traumas? Yup. Patterns of broken expectations? Mmm hmm. Religious beliefs, or prior rejections? Yes and yes.

Well, on Cake and Cunnilingus Day, (or April, as far as we’re concerning) we’re lifting the veil on this thinking! Because that part – daring to dream? To reach for the stars?! To ask for what you desire?!

You should never give up on that. And you shouldn’t fake the pleasure in your life…

Never, ever.

Since our core behaviors permeate multiple areas of our lives, let’s practice asking for what we want by starting with oral sex.

Sound good?

How many licks does it take?

Great question! So let’s dive in 😉

Note to the reader:

This article is written in two parts – instructional advice for the giver, and the receiver. 😉 So, lap it all up, and please discuss with your partners.

(If I knew ONE couple talked about their oral sex lives because of this article, I would feel over the moon!)

Hey, you’re kinda cute…

Before things heat up too much, we have to cover female arousal. Whereas those with swords tend to “lift” upon excitement, vulvas tend to soak…

Why?

(I’m so excited to write about this, everyone, because I’m learning so many things!!!)

To some of us this is becoming old news, and we couldn’t be happier…

“What’s the primary sex organ all genders share?“

The BRAIN! (<— We all shout this part collectively in my head… Fists in the air, and all.)

This is why I started the article the way I did, k? Some of us really want to enjoy oral pleasure, but can’t get out of our own minds long enough to really let go.

So what do you do?

Oral Pleasure 1’O’1 – Set the mood, everyone!

PLAN for a night of intimacy! This takes up a very precious resource, being time, but time worthwhile!

Trystology’s Matriarch, Roylin Downs, has been quoted saying, “Men are like microwaves, women are like crockpots… and a crockpot’s gotta simmer!”

She’s right! Vulva owners need a little time to simmer, so give her the kind of attention she craves! Perhaps that’s candles, a bath, or a sexy massage…

Giver notes: Be present with your partner, and let this be fun! I promise your partner loves your meaningful attention, so watch their breathing, caress their skin, and shower her with genuine compliments!

Trystology Tip: Give your lover a massage! Use just a liiiiiiiittle bit too much oil, and let the oil drip into nether-bits. JUST a little…

Receiver notes: Be present with your partner by being present with yourself!

Remember when we said plan? Take time beforehand to make sure any insecurity you may have has been assessed! Get ready, feel sexy, and do whatever YOU want to feel your best – and know that EVERY vulva is different, and yours is perfect just the way it is.

That said, if you wanna “scape”, DO SO! Some women shave, some don’t. Others wax, while others don’t. Some people rock a proud bush, some don’t.

But what makes you feel confident and sexy? Go that route, baby!

Clean is a different story. One thing all vulvas share in common is they don’t smell like perfume… none of them. So please don’t be thinking yours should, or ever will, or feel you need to perfume that area.

However, taking care of our bits is really important, and we can stay healthy and clean in many ways.

(Wanna know more? https://flo.health/menstrual-cycle/lifestyle/hygiene-and-beauty/how-to-clean-your-vagina)

Oral Pleasure 1’O’2 – It’s Getting Wet In Here!

Sexual encounters typically follow this “story-arch,” we’ll call it:

  • Desire
  • Arousal
  • Plateau
  • Orgasm
  • Resolution

But according to Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD and author of The Best Oral Sex Ever: His Guide to Going Down, women can experience any of these stages at any time throughout oral pleasure and intimacy!

So after you’ve kissed, caressed, and undressed your partner, you’ve hopefully sparked some desire and arousal. But what is actually happening here?

You might notice her breathing has increased. So feel her! Let your hands rub against her skin slowly and your fingers find your way between her thighs. Notice moaning, wetness, sensitivity, and the rest of her body as you slowly massage the entire vulva paying attention to favorite spots!

When desire strikes, signals are sent to the genitals to prepare for sex. When signals are sent to the vulva, blood flow increases in and around the Clitoris herself! The clitoris is the throne of feminine pleasure, and only about 1/4 of it is exposed right above the vaginal opening. Internal legs of the clitoris run down the inner labia, and hug the nerves surrounding the vagina. Upon arousal, the entire clitoris swells, pushing up against the Bartholin glands, moistening the vulva and vagina!

(PS, Bartholin glands?! I want to KNOW how many readers are learning about these for the first time, because I JUST LEARNED! Aaaand, vulvas are awesome…)

Giver notes: Get some supplies! Lay your partner on the bed so they’re on their backs, and put a pillow underneath their hips to boost their bits! First, this feels loving. You’re truly taking care of your partner, and making them feel prioritized. And second, this exposes all of her most sensitive areas for your feast!

Also, ask her what she likes. Lick her clitoris, and gently run your tongue along the sides of her inner labia. You can sweetly ask, “Like that?” or hum while gently sucking her clitoris. Every so often, grab her thighs and let your tongue slip into her vagina, thrusting back and forth.

Trystology Tip: Just because Bartholin glands exist, lube is always wonderful! We do sell flavored lube by Aloe Cadabra, which is an amazing water-based choice. (Optimal for toy use, which can really take oral for her to the next level!) We also sell Foria Wellness products, which are CBD infused arousal products specially designed for Vulva Owners. This stuff increases sensitivity without feeling synthetic.

Receiver notes: Stay with your breath, and remind yourself it’s okay to let go. This moment is about you, and YES you deserve it. So communicate with your partner! Feel free to moan, arch your back, pinch your nipples, bite the sheets! Maybe practice saying things like, “Yes, I love it like that. Don’t stop!” or “I love what you just did, can you do that again?”

Using our voices is empowering, ladies. And remember, what we practice in one area of our lives can permeate into other areas too!

Oral Pleasure 1’O’3 – Here She Comes!

Firstly, it’s always good to remember no intimate encounter should be about an orgasm, only. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t! And some women loooooooooooove oral, but prefer to finish in other ways.

However, this article is about Oral Pleasure for Her, so let’s get into the Plateau and Orgasm portions of our road map.

If you’ve been kissing her bits, following her signs, and you’ve both been communicating, chances are good she’s really heated up. This may be obvious due to color flush in the skin, hands and feet. As she enters the Plateau of her pleasure, her vulva and nipples will most likely turn their deepest color. She may even be gripping the sheets, or trembling in her inner thighs.

To take her from plateau to orgasm, things generally operate similarly to the way they do for men!

Giver notes: Get comfortable and patient. Whereas vulvas enjoy a wide variety of pleasure throughout Plateau, and orgasm requires some “In it to win it” attitude. When she’s ready to have an orgasm, you may notice some more moaning, (or screaming!). Her muscles will tense, and often times her back will arch. She may even say, “don’t stop,” so follow her response as she reaches climax, and try not to deviate from what’s working.

Trystology Tip: Ask her to tell you when she’s getting close! Gently let her know that it’s okay to guide you, and that you really want to know what makes her feel good. A great guide to giving great oral pleasure is imagine kissing her passionately… just, there instead.

Receiver notes: Communicate! Listen, my gal, no one gets what they want in life without advocating for themselves, and seeing themselves as deserving of what they want!! And NO ONE wants you to have all of the goodness life has in store for you more than your partner!! (At least, that should be the case for you both!)

**If you feel like you have to pee, don’t hold back!!**

Receiver, your body is really cool, and yes, female ejaculation is possible. Should this be the goal to oral pleasure, or any pleasure? No. But just in case you do feel a sudden urge to urinate upon orgasm, take a deep breath and let go!

Many more vulva owners can do this than realize, but they tend to hold themselves back from it because they’re… worried about peeing on their partner.

Urine and female ejaculate are not the same thing, and we encourage vulva owners to explore their self-pleasure if this sensation has come up with any regularity.

But Wait, There’s More!

Let’s discuss that last bullet, Resolution. Once your love, or you and you love climax, things don’t just end! In the same way things take a moment to heat up, or “simmer” if we’re using Roylin’s analogy, they take a moment to cool off too!

Once we have an orgasm, the heart rate starts to slow, and the body begins to re-regulate. This time is perfect for cuddling and snuggling, because all bodies are settling back down. Looking to keep your sweet connection? Hold onto it for a while!

ALSO!!

TRYSTOLOGY IS HOSTING OUR NEXT CLASS!!!

Wanna learn more? Like, what toys work best when accompanied by oral stimulation, what is female ejaculation, best positions and more?!

Well, mark your calendars!

Do you by chance get our newsletters??? SIGN UP!!! Oral Pleasure: For Her is just one of MANY classes we’ll be hosting this summer! Stay on it to get your tickets when they go on sale!

We are thrilled to host yet another class!

We already know this class is going to fill up quick, so if you’d like a seat in class, please get your ticket now.

And to all of our readers, followers, and dedicated customers: Thank you for seeing yourself as worthy of the pleasure beneath your skin! Love the skin you were born into, and dive into the pleasure of female fellacio!

MANhood From A Different Perspective… My Own

I am a man. But for a long time, I didn’t know what being a man meant for me. Not that I was too young to enter manhood, rather filled with too much shame, doubt, and a zeal for perfection above all else – not to mention, an abundance of misinformation about what being a man even was! When it came to sex, I also struggled from the same setbacks. Maybe you have, too. And if you have, welcome!

Conversely, if as a man, you vehemently reject the idea that manhood has it’s struggles, well, read on, because I’m talking to you as well.

Honestly, there’s a distinction that I want to make about what being a man means.

There’s a narrative about men — the label of man — that is restrictive.

We often acknowledge this narrow definition, assuming that men don’t talk; men brag. Men don’t share; men take. Men don’t feel; men manage. Really? That seems to be a narrow definition of what it means to be a man. In fact, the stereotypical definition of “man” hardly includes any men I know whatsoever. The majority, even if they deny or hide it, are more nuanced, more flawed, more vulnerable. 

Embracing manhood can be another hurdle.

I think being a man is taking responsibility, having integrity, caring for others, and most importantly, caring for oneself.

Let me list some of the ways in which I thought I wasn’t a man… Couldn’t get an intense, 5-hour erection? Not a man. Couldn’t make my partner climax? Not a man. Didn’t make a ridiculous amount of money or come from some rich family? Not a man. Lacking stability? Not a man. Cried at a commercial? You get it… (That last one may seem absurd to you, but there is a Coors Light Commercial that for some reason just pulls at my manstrings and makes me cry — well, I should say that I come to the brink of crying, but given that the commercial is only fifteen seconds long, I don’t have enough time to produce tears.) 

Needless to say, my younger self was confused in two major ways: 

  1. I felt that I wasn’t a man given the popularized, narrow, and harrowing definition, and;
  2. I hadn’t yet learned to be man, in the sense of existing with confidence as myself

So I needed to do two things; expand my definition of man, and embrace my responsibility of living up to that broadened definition.

The Multi-Orgasmic Man is a wonderful resource for men looking to broaden their sexual manhood, confidently!

Ironically, what was actually holding me back was revealing and exposing what I thought made me less than a man: my vulnerability, imperfections, speaking clearly, asking for what I needed, and showing up for myself… not just for my partner.

When I was very young, in high school, I had a sexual experience with an older girl. It was my first sexual experience. We made out, and I used my fingers to please her for 45 minutes. It was relatively innocent but the next week at school, I felt immense shame as if I had done something wrong or was inadequate. My immediate fear was not being good enough, even though I only tried to please her. Maybe I let her down, or didn’t prove how manly I was in the moment, or worse yet, be laughed at by her friends. At that moment, however, I was living within the expectation of what I thought “being a man,” meant.

Men are supposedly stoic and ultra confident, so should I have been that?! I was not, and judged myself for not only letting her down, but for letting myself down, too. Sure, there are some men who express stoicism and ultimate confidence — though I have my doubts as to what extent it’s genuine — but all men have ups and downs, good days and bad, fears and desires, and intense emotions. Yep, almost sounds like women! Isn’t that weird? Men and women with similarities? That’s crazy!

The more we hear that men are from some strange, barren planet, the more we believe it. No, women aren’t from another planet, and neither are men or the non-binary community! We’re all from Earth!

In any case, I assumed that I was not a person who need to succumb to my desires. I could do without sexual pleasure. That’s life! That manifested later when I dated a woman for four years, and for the last two years — TWO YEARS — of our relationship, we didn’t have sex (a very bad idea for prostate cancer risk, as explained here). That’s life, right?! That’s what it means to be with someone. You sacrifice everything, including your pleasure, and you sure as hell don’t bring it up! You take it like a man, as they say.

What I didn’t ask myself for a long time was how I could, as a man, be a good lover to myself.

It sounds like a strange question, perhaps. In fact, if that question seems like a contradiction to what it means to be a man, you’re not alone. You may think that if you’re caring, you’re merely covering your bases. That if you could make your partner happy, your happiness cup was automatically filled, too. I operated from this belief and left myself out of the equation. I didn’t understand how I could ensure my sexual pleasure while engaging with a partner? It’s fundamental to pleasing both you and your partner.

Deep down, I felt that I was just not good enough. But maybe, maybe if I gave my partner enough orgasms over the course of a 1-hour sex marathon, well maybe then, I would be good enough. Pressure? Sure, there’s pressure, but that’s what a man does, right?! Lives in constant pressure to be tough, perfect, strong, and devoid of any major emotions or emotional breakdowns.

Some people may call this sort of thing armor. I like that imagery, because armor is a literal heavy burden to bear. But even more, I like the idea that it was my representative showing up, not me. Hello! I’m Alex, the cool guy. I charm and tell jokes. I’ll make you laugh. I make you feel wanted and sexy. I... well, I represent Alex, the flawed human who has too much fear and shame to show up for himself. He’s dealing with depression and meaninglessness almost all the time, so he sends me instead. Will you ever see him, you ask? Not unless he has a mental breakdown and pushes me out of the way. But what does it matter if you see him? I’m perfect in every possible way! 

The problem with having the representative show up for you is the real you gets bottled up, resentful, unfulfilled, angry, and hurt.

And then, you end up doing things that hurt you and your partner. I’ve lied about petty things. Lost my integrity. Said I was okay with things when I wasn’t.

I’m in a new place now, though I hesitate to say that it’s entirely stable — there’s always doubts and questions.

Manhood is taking responsibility for your pleasure and your commitment to your partner.

There’s you, there’s your partner, and there’s the shared interaction that you’re having. All three need to work. All three need attention. Yes, even men are worthy of pleasure. Men can state their needs, ask for what they want, receive consent, and encourage their partners to do the same. Because guess what? Most men, (more appropriately, most people), are incredibly nervous about revealing their sexuality to others. 

The Hardness Factor measures a man’s health through the quality of his erection – perhaps the greatest male motivator for better living (more so than fear of cancer, heart attack, or stroke). This book asks, ‘Can men be hard and in shape for sex their entire lives?’ The answer is, absolutely. Here for the first time are scientific, evidence based regimens – emphasizing nutrition, supplements, and exercise – to increase erectile quality.

Friends have often come to me for advice about “manhood” because I have been open about my sexual experiences. It’s amazing how many men want to have a conversation about their experiences when I’m vulnerable enough to share my inadequacies. There’s just not a lot of safe spaces for men to have that sort of conversation. I hold a space for men to discuss their “manhood” in a way that isn’t self-congratulatory, but rather vulnerable, and “here’s what I’ve learned.”

Often we men feel as if we can be one of two things: a selfish asshole or a nice guy.

A selfish asshole takes what he wants and a nice guy gives everything to others. Surprisingly, both are eager to make everything about themselves. The selfish asshole is obviously out for himself, afraid to show more than what is necessary for a transactional moment. The nice guy attempts to cover any imperfections, hoping to appear incredible in bed, hoping for his partner to validate that he is worthy of having someone. Both, however, are rooted in the same broken idea of one’s self and what it means to be a sexual man.

I was the “nice guy,” and I’m still getting over it.

When I was at university, I worked with an incredibly attractive young woman who was mysterious, elusive, and out of my league (a concept I can get into another time because it’s bullshit). Anyway, I flirted with her in a way that was always reserved, always having my representative showing up for me. Astonishingly, she liked me, though she was wildly difficult to read (she had her own issues as well, as it turns out, just like everyone on Earth). She was my date for a wedding and we ended up at her place afterward. I was so nervous to perform and please her that I couldn’t get an erection. Frankly, it felt like a test. A test of my manhood. And I was failing! And as soon as that thought got into my head, it didn’t leave. What was wrong with me? 

I had performance anxiety, period. There’s a lack of research out there, but performance anxiety affects somewhere between 9-25% of men. (Here’s a decent article from WebMD detailing performance anxiety, which may answer more questions, if you’ve got them.) The bottom line is this: beyond gender binaries, the brain is everyone’s primary sexual organ, and if it’s not working, not much else will. It was my perception of how I was being perceived, not how I was showing up for myself and my partner. Of course it can be nerve-wracking to engage in sexual activity with somebody, but it’s also supposed to be pleasurable for everyone involved.

Personally, I have two recommendations for you if you’re discovering the man you want to be in bed… 

First, find out what you like! 

Do you really want to show up for your partner? Show up for yourself. You’ll be surprised that your partner wants you to feel good, too, believe it or not. Ask yourself what you want. How do you enjoy pleasure? What gets you off? 

If you’re having trouble answering those questions, investigate. Take it upon yourself to know what you like. A great way is masturbation. Try out more than just your hand. And it’s not just about your dick, either. There’s incredible products out there to help you discover what feels good. Here’s some that may intrigue you:

The Je Joue Mio is made of high quality silicone. It provides restriction for staying power and vibration for a rumbly ride!
Tenga spinners provide enticing sensations for solo or partner play! These masturbation sleeves are especially great for men looking to increase overall sensitivity to their manhood
Yes, the prostate can be stimulated, and this tool is designed to surround it with rumbly vibration! Curious?

Masturbation is not a shameful act. It’s a pleasurable act that ideally happens in the safety of a judgment free zone. You may have to work on creating that judgment free zone for yourself. Talking with a therapist can help, or even joining a men’s group.

Second, talk to your partner. 

A real man, hell, a good person, can hold space and have a difficult conversation about sex. Explain what you want. Ask what your partner wants. Having that conversation during a sexual interaction may not be the best time, so, be a man (in the very real sense of this blog) and bring it up when it isn’t easy. Have a conversation that is scary, that may bring up disagreement, that may leave you feeling vulnerable.

Learning Good Consent is an extremely helpful, ethical, and conversational book! Whether entering manhood, womanhood, or something less binary, Cindy Crabb navigates this sometimes awkward topic with poise and grace. For that, this book is always a Trystology favorite!

Communication is key to good sex. As a man, it’s okay to ask for what you want. But remember to listen as well. 

In the end, what does manhood mean to me?

Are you a man? Am I? Well, I have two answers to that. Yes, I am a man (one who happens to paint his toenails blue), but I’m also still learning what showing up as a man means especially with a sexual partner. For me, being a man is both a fact and an ongoing process. One part of that process is discovering where my feelings come from. Society and culture sure play a role, but there’s always more to the story; life, parents, friends, experiences. This is where I’m at and I still have progress to make (and oh my, am I still imperfect).

I hold space for others but still struggle to hold the same space for myself. Yes, I’m still becoming my definition of the “man” I want to be, and encourage you do to the same! You, too, may find your vulnerabilities and imperfections have made you a better man already. Sharing those tender bits, authentically, only brings those we love closer, all while bringing us closer to ourselves.

To all men dedicated to finding their confidence, redefining manhood, and/or deepening their relationships with themselves and others, you’re not alone. It’s just another life journey, so keep going! Just remember – be yourself!

Curious what else we have going on? Follow us @Trystology

The Art of Receiving Pleasure: How to Own Your Orgasm and Mental Health

Welcome back, Trystologists! May is here, spring has sprung, and summer is just around the corner!

To our dedicated readers, we know it’s been a while since our last post, and we’re going discuss why. See, we’ve been changing, shifting, and taking some much needed time to assess our mental well-being. There’s not much of it left, but May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and Trystology has a question for you…

How good are you at receiving?

Big question, right? We receive a lot as a collective on any given day. Most of us get mail, compliments, criticisms, internet, phone calls, texts, commercials and streaming daily. Perhaps in 2022, many of us “receive” too much! But is this the kind of receiving we’re talking about?

Not at all. What we want to know this:

How are you at receiving intimate pleasure, and how does that behavioral function show itself in other areas of your life?

If you’re a care-giver, people-pleaser, or really struggle to set healthy boundaries, you may have just spit out your coffee… We get it! Receiving pleasure is a common struggle, especially if it’s something you don’t feel you deserve. And that thought can be sneaky as all hell! It’s so sneaky, in fact, we may not even realize we struggle to receive until, (oops!), a partner wants to give us oral pleasure! Or maybe a big show of affection makes us feel crippling guilt and stress! Or perhaps, when it comes to sexuality and intimacy, asking for what we want feels so impossible because we don’t know how to trust, or truly be vulnerable.

Sounding familiar? Yeah… well, guess what? Us too! Again, this shit is common and sneaky. And before you continue reading, let us say this.

There’s nothing wrong with you. In fact, say it out loud right now, “There’s nothing wrong with me!”

Good… Take a breath. 😉

Now, it’s admittedly difficult for any of us to take care of our mental health in a world of so much distraction, or find time to be “in the mood.” I consider life to be a full-contact sport. All of us want to play the field, but how can we be in the game if we can’t keep our eye on the ball? And where’s the ball? Well, I think the “ball” is this present moment. Welcome to it.

Sometimes, when we find ourselves back here, we enter the present only to find the messes we left last time we visited, then run out as quickly as possible. But guess what? Our pleasure, our pleasure, deserves more from us. Sometimes we’ve gotta check in and clean house, so here are three tips we hope help along the journey.

The Art of Receiving: How to Own Your Orgasm and Mental Health

Finding the Fantasy

Here in 2022, many of us are stuck in the quick orgasm loop. I’m certainly not saying consistent orgasms aren’t good for the mind, body, and soul, because here at Trystology we’re all about owning our orgasms, and inspiring others to do the same! But beyond the physical cocktail of the human orgasm exists the fantasy, the feeling – the deeper script.

So what do I mean by being stuck in a loop? Well, many of us, when fantasizing during self-pleasure, rely on scripts of polarity to get there fast then be on our merry way. In other words, the raunchier, the better. Whereas there’s nothing wrong with however you fantasize, what if we took more time to really ask ourselves what we crave, then gave ourselves to permission languish and basque in a present moment with ourselves? What might we find by receiving pleasure more intentionally?

I can say from experience this exercise is notably difficult for me. Being present with my body, even in pleasure, can bring up memories I’ve practiced avoiding. Vulnerability can be terrifying, but it makes for necessary space to let go of the things that weigh us down. A great friend once told me, “Our minds and spirits bounce around from past to future, while our bodies are the only extension of ourselves truly trapped here in the present moment.” They were right. When our stress levels sky rocket, our hearts take the beating. When we’re not paying attention, bumps and bruises pop up. Pleasure helps bring us back here, eye on the ball, back in the game!

Getting Off , by Jamye Waxman is a great place for any female to explore what receiving pleasure means for them. It’s full of tips and tricks, along with helpful diagrams and illustrations. Looking to explore? Get yours today!

Even though this exercise of consistently checking in with my body, specifically my fantasies, brought challenges, I quickly started to see how I sacrifice my own pleasure in other areas of my life. A lot of the time, I just accept discomfort. Blindly. No question. For some of us, discomfort has been such a common occurrence, it almost feels safe… or predictable, at least.

WE’RE HERE TO SAY YOU CAN CHANGE THAT!

Your imagination is powerful, people. You can use it to receive pleasure in a variety of ways, starting today… so what’s holding you back?

True Consenting Adults

So now you’ve spent some quality alone time. Now what? You want to share with your partner, yet still feel uncomfortable, nervous, or flat out scared. Here’s where true vulnerability comes into play. Many of us view consent as, “Partner, may I please ______,” followed by a simple, “Yes.” This is a great place to start, but as our sexualities unfold and develop over time, this ask can start to feel shallow and robotic.

Eventually, each of our unique “consents” deepen, and carry with them attachments to feelings and trust. What is everyone’s major sex organ? Our brain! Arousal starts there for everyone! So how can any of us practice receiving pleasure from partners if we’re battling major fear or anxiety, while possibly even suffering silently?

By using our voice. By being vulnerable. And by telling the truth.

Playing Well With Others, by Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams, is a great guide for anyone looking for a walk on the wilder side. Great writing, honest accounts, and truly helpful hints.

Will this always a clean or painless process? No, but only because you’re getting out what has caused pain for so long. I have personally experienced anxiety ridden intimacy for most of my life. It’s only in the last few years of my life I’ve gained the courage to say, “I am afraid. I’m afraid I’m not enough, and I don’t know how to let go. I don’t know how to receive pleasure.” Sex, or the option to have sex, would spin my mind so hard, I felt I had to assume a whole new character to transform into my “sexy self.” That’s a lot of pressure for many people who are new to receiving pleasure! So share your struggles. Share how you are feeling, and work to trust yourself and your boundaries enough to let go.

Pleasure comes when the static of panic and stress fade. Believe, go slow, and be kind. Set up moments throughout intimate time with your partner to take breaks and check in. Let them know your goals – that you want to be present and learn how to receive. Address anxieties or fears as they arise, and allow your partner to physically be there for you. You may be delighted by the response!

“But what if I’m single?!“

Great question. Practice showing yourself every ounce of love you crave! Be the best to attract the best. By choosing to receive pleasure in your life, you actively teach the world how you wish to be treated. So don’t hold back!

REPEAT!

Step three is nothing new, but it may be the most important of these steps. Repeat! Practice! Commit! Because here’s the truth – many of us struggle with to receive pleasure because we were deeply hurt. To every reader, if this includes you, I am sending you all of my love right here and now. Trust is not easy. Your life, however, is worth your healing, worth your pain, and certainly worth your pleasure!

Is everything going to improve right away? No. Will it be easy all the time? No. But will you start to notice your life getting better? Yes, you will. You’ll see yourself just as deserving of pleasure as everyone else!

The Come As You Are, book and workbook by Emily Nagoski are extremely helpful for those of us who need a little nudge. This beautifully presented package encourages participants to honestly admit how they see themselves now while working toward a better future!

Here at Trystology we encourage you to view receiving pleasure, abundance, and safety as your birth right! Because it is. Our sexualities reflect deep aspects of our being, and when we learn to advocate for our own physical pleasure, we open ourselves up to say yes to more of what life has to offer.

Eat that bowl of cherries, whoever you are! 😉 We think it looks great on you!

Craving more? Follow us on Instagram @Trystology

Trystology’s Hunting For Treasure This Valentine’s Month!

The kind within, not without. You’ve just been invited to a self-love treasure hunt!

“Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.”

Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

I know writers have written about love for centuries, but these wise words from Paulo Coelho jumped off the page when I first read The Alchemist. They immediately sparked the thought, “Pssst! Yes, excuse me, but… has anyone seen my heart?! I need to find my treasure… now!!”

And it’s always right where I left it… on the inside.

Trystology Talk is back, and here to ring in this month of L-O-V-E with a Pre-Valentine’s Day self-love treasure hunt!

Your challenge, if you dare to accept, is no simple task! Team Trystology invites you to join us as we relocate, recalibrate, and renew our hearts to properly assess how they’re functioning and impacting our lives.

Our goal?

To love authentically!

And look, I’m not saying the way you love now isn’t wonderful! I’d imagine you’re like most of us – great sometimes, while lacking others. That’s normal! However, the better we assess our own emotional needs, the more understanding we have of ourselves and others. We learn to love deeper. Isn’t it true? Anytime we deeply look into ourselves, we recognize just how complex this human experience really is. In all that vastness, you too deserve love. Behind your eyelids, you deserve your own love.

Sounds great, I know… but what is love?!

(Baby, don’t hurt me!… Look, you’d think it if I didn’t write it, and if you don’t get it, enjoy your youth…)

Theoretically, I’m not qualified to answer this question. Scientifically I’m not either, but the emotion of love is primarily governed by the brain chemical, oxytocin. Oxytocin is produced upon orgasm, yes, but more specifically, it’s also the chemical that makes us feel attached to our friends, families, and partners. It combats stress by regulating cortisol levels in the body, proving a happy life is in fact a healthier one too!

Remember, though, we said challenge, and in order to find our treasure, we have to look within.

Isn’t it interesting how much our minds wander, from the past to the future, while our bodies and hearts remain restricted by this present moment? Sometimes we get caught in the race of life and forget we need our own attention too! Our health and well-being depend on it!

So, your challenge is this:

Go to your calendar, you’re embarking on Trystology’s Self-Love Treasure Hunt!! For the next 14 days, you must do something for yourself and OWN IT! Every. Day. It could be a bath. Perhaps a meditation or a yoga routine. Maybe it’s a walk, or a quiet moment to enjoy a hot coffee. Could be a song, or a new playlist dedicated to yourself. We recommend including time to self-pleasure! Whatever resonates with you, (and feasibly makes sense as an addition to your life), set reminders on your phone to follow through, all the while keeping your intention clear. This time is meant to ask yourself what you need right now, without judging the response.

I know this self-love treasure hunt isn’t easy, because on January 15th, Trystology began a 21-day challenge highlighting our gorgeous, and my new favorite, Chakrubs collection. These authentic crystal tools vary in shape and design, and benefit anyone seeking an intentional and natural addition to their sensual lives. Chakrubs features the discrete Slim, the full Original, the powerful Curve, and one of the oldest passion products known to women – the yoni egg.

Chakrubs genuine gem products come in nephrite jade, rose quartz, amethyst, black obsidian, quartz, and rhodonite. They are only safe when inserted vaginally, but can comfortably remain inside of the body for multiple hours. Once in, the egg acts as a weight for the vaginal wall to both squeeze and birth. They add intention to meditation, and make for a pleasant, gentle reminder to do your Kegels! (<— Mayo Clinic link, and worth a read!)

Trystology tip, please don’t disregard!: When seeking your yoni egg, or any crystal products meant for internal use, please find manufacturers who guarantee safety. Some crystals and stones are porous, leaving room for bacteria to grow. We provide Chakrubs tools because they’re ethically sourced, and made for internal pleasure. Just check their FAQ’s!

I’ll be honest – this challenge has been harder than I thought.

All of the Chakrubs products have an optional journal, and each prompt is deep. For instance, right here and now, what are you birthing into this world? Or this – what most often keeps you from accomplishing your goals? And maaaybe those are simple for you, but as a mid-challenge report, I’m frustrated how difficult it is to prioritize time for myself! But I’m also hopeful. Slowly, day after day, I am getting closer to my treasure.

Stay tuned for our final challenge updates. In the meantime, turn your internal compass toward your heart, and walk with us. Again, set reminders on your phone to do something for you. It might not be easy, but it’s worth it.

Happy Hunting! Treasure awaits!

For updates on the challenge, please follow us on Instagram!! @trystology

Your Orgasm, Your Pleasure… OWN IT THIS YEAR!

To all of our readers, followers, clients and friends, Trystology wishes you a joyfully kind, abundantly healthy, and sensually loving, Happy New Year!! 

Trystology here, as always, to encourage you to find the pleasure you deserve in your relationships, bodies, and lives throughout the new year! With 2021 in the rearview and 2022 ahead, how can we inspire the world and ourselves, even having gone through such awe-striking shifts? We are all people changed, yet we still can find ways to smile and enjoy our lives. Jobs are different. However, joy and heartache together make deeper capacities for love!

Here’s the thing… I think there’s a reason Trystology has succeeded through this pandemic. By encouraging people to find the pleasure they deserve!

I think we’ve exposed a wide community to self-care on levels we never thought possible. We all know so… we’ve seen it! We’ve seen women tear up, made non-binary people feel beautiful. All of us have had amazing conversations with great couples while empowering individuals and families. Trystology connected with a non-profit organization who resonated with us, (The Coalition For Family Harmony! We love you!), and we went Live on Instagram together! We’ve truly moved a needle very few organizations are able to even budge… at all! 

We are all, also, a group of women who share, dream, and create together. All while recognizing the feminine power we hold for each other. 

I somehow want this blog to be about empowerment and manifestation, and how a sexual practice, whether alone or partnered, can be a creative and effective way to manifest the life you want! 

I know times can feel tough, but collectively, this is what we at Trystology are doing for our community, isn’t it? And it’s working. We are for real… touching lives in very crazy times. 

The world is becoming exposed, because guess what?! We should ALL feel free to express exactly who we are! And know deep aspects as gems for ourselves too. That these don’t have to be separate things!

We have so much to celebrate this year. And somehow, we want our community to be encouraged to make the same magic in their lives too.

You know, I’ve never personally been a fan of resolutions, but in honor of this year, we pose one.  Own your orgasm this year!  Seriously! Own it!!!

This past year has been a lot for any brain to take on – and if you’ve followed us for any time, you may know that the brain is the biggest sex organ!

Not the genitals…  An orgasm is a unique reflex governed by the brain, expressed through the genitals, that releases a unique cocktail of dopamine (pleasure, desire, motivation), oxytocin (the bonding hormone), prolactin (satisfaction), and vasopressin (pain relief). Once climax is achieved, the brain itself slows down, and we’re left happy, sleepy, and relaxed. This cocktail also combats cortisol, our body’s alarm system made by the kidneys to help us run from danger.

What causes too much cortisol these days?

Stress!  Overwork!  And Judgements we might carry with us… from whatever source you trust… So our advice is to make time for YOU! Self Care, and self pleasure!  Here at Trystology we promote an orgasm-a-day. Are we saying regular climaxing is a fix all? No. But give this a try:

Find a quiet moment alone. Close your eyes, and see yourself and the fully realized you, then see if you can use your orgasm to become more and more of that. Make it a practice, and see what happens. Because we’re here to tell you this – beauty, wealth, success, blah, blah, blah – those things don’t validate you, or make you sexy. Authenticity, and perhaps a little self pleasure… that, however, does.

As you encourage yourself to find the pleasure you deserve this year… come as you are.

Take a look at yourself, and say proudly, “I am the only me! The same creative force that made mountains, oceans, stars and trees made me! And deep within me, that same creativity pulses. I am the Queen of my body, or the King of my soul! I own my orgasm!”

Wear the skin you’re in proudly, and let it become your home. Know, deep within, that superficiality does not validate you. Your heart, soul, uniqueness and owning your pleasure does.

To our regular readers and shoppers, thank you. Without you, none of this is possible! 

Shout out to our vagina owners!

Trystology is hosting a 30 day challenge to further encourage you to find the pleasure you deserve this year!

This may look like a quail egg, but it’s not. It’s one the oldest vaginal tools in the world, called the yoni egg, one of the many products created by Chakrubs. The yoni helps keep the vaginal wall tight, which in turn, strengthens our orgasm, while others have penetrative girth. The challenge, if you so choose to take it, is to use these gorgeous crystal tools  to encourage you to find the pleasure you deserve throughout the new year! It’s a personal 21-day devotion to self. Take a deep dive into the comprehensive four-phase workbook developed by Founder Vanessa Cuccia, designed to support you in making your Chakrubs practice a habit that enriches every area of your life.

Create a deep, transformative relationship with your Chakrub, awaken your erotic potential and be supported by practical tips like how to introduce yourself to your Chakrub, different ways to energetically cleanse your Chakrub, how to ask for and receive guidance from your Chakrub, internal and external massage techniques, and more! 

Please follow us on Instagram! The challenge starts January 15th, so stay tuned there, and get your Chakrubs while supplies last!

To Toy Or Not To Toy

That is the question, isn’t it?

Welcome back! Trystology here to celebrate National Sex Toy Day! Yes, November 4th is actually National Sex Toy Day across the nation, and we assure you, this isn’t just an excuse to sell toys. Honestly, the toys do that for themselves. To us, National Sex Toy Day is an opportunity to encourage everyone to further explore the skin they’re in… because they deserve to!

In fact, have you ever asked yourself why this store exists in the first
place?

Well, community, for those who don’t know her, and even for those who do, allow us to introduce our fearless leader, Roylin Downs! As a business owner, real estate professional, mother, wife, and incredible example of how to
live a full and happy life, she constantly inspires all those who work for Trystology to reach for the stars. Oh, and yes… she actually lives by the philosophy of having a daily orgasm. And whereas sexuality has always been a passion of hers, toys are a newer addition to her life than you might think! She, like many others, was curious about using them, and liked
the idea, but what if someone saw her purchasing a toy? How would she face the
embarrassment of walking into an uncomfortable store? And what would people
think?!

Statistically, the chances this resonates with you are very high. Seriously! We hear it all the time. And this is where we, as a collective, come face to face with our overarching discomfort with how we got here in the first place! I’ll try to whisper this
softly, as not to offend…

SEX! SEX! SEX!

You. Are Here. Because. Of SEX! But societally, we don’t really want to talk about it. Least of all, give ourselves open permission to enjoy the creative process sex can provide, which one can surmise, may be one root of why ANY creation in our lives labeled “worth while,” must involve ultimate struggle and stress in order to validate itself. Doesn’t make a lot sense when you think about it, does it?

But why?

Historically speaking, it could be for a lot of reasons. Trauma? Sometimes. Lack of understanding/inner-standing? Usually. Suffering from bad information? Almost always. To toy or not to toy confronts our discomfort with sex, or bigger yet ourselves, head on. And for this holiday, we want to let you know this – more than having sexual organs, you have a nervous system! Think of your nervous system as the body’s general manager, and then think of what happens when your boss is grumpy 24/7. Do you like going to work under these circumstances? Probably not… (And if you do, you might be into some lovingly painful play! Let’s just say we have an entire section of our store just for you!)

Jokes aside, our brains and nervous systems do a lot! They keep us alive, and deserve a break every so often. Pleasure, whether it be a smile, snuggles, laughter, a warm bath, or a great orgasm, is essential to a life well lived. In not discussing our sexuality, we negate the importance of consent, and the grace of knowing what we like and what we don’t! After all, orgasms are actually good for you. Same as broccoli, or walking, or having healthy relationships can benefit a life in moderation, so can pursuing healthy and safe sexual pleasure. The biochemical composition of orgasms can help combat depression, boost our immune systems, and increase our everyday confidence! But no one feels shame about eating broccoli, so what’s the deal?

I digress…

Once upon a party, Roylin purchased her first toy.

She wasn’t comfortable entering the typical sex shop, but felt fine attending a party amongst friends. To her surprise, she wasn’t the only women there who felt this way! Statistics show many women still have no clue what their orgasm even feels like, if they’ve had one, or how to replicate the few they’ve had! We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again, everyone’s major sex organ is their brain, and in order to orgasm, that GM must give the body permission. However, vibrators and other toys can quickly bypass the system, allowing our unique orgasms to reveal themselves. Rumbly coaxing, if you will. This realization, that so many women feared, dismissed, or felt ashamed of their pleasure, was the driving force behind Roylin’s creation of Trystology. Twelve years later, it exists as a monument and zocalo for all people to revel the skin they’re in.

Now, are we saying that in order to orgasm, you must have a toy?

Not at all! In fact, if toys just aren’t your thing, yet you know how to get yourself there in other ways, more power to you! We support that! But if you’re still wondering how to get yourself there, or want to spice things up, toys can be incredibly useful and fun. And you shouldn’t feel any guilt or shame for authentic desires you have, so long as consent is involved. Our goal here at Trystology is simply to provide you with options and tools you might not have thought of.

Now what kind of National Sex Toy Day would this be if we didn’t suggest a couple of beginner and user friendly tools to practice with?

This month we’re highlighting We-Vibe’s Tango X, and the Zalo Bess!

The We-Vibe Tango X is one of the best toys to boost anyone’s big moment.

It was designed to be just a bit longer than other bullets, and has a unique rumble that permeates deep into the skin. As a little side note, not all vibration is created equal. Some toys have a high, buzzy vibration, while other have a lower rumble. The higher, buzzy toys stimulate nerves on the skin level, but toys with more bass penetrate the skin. So because this bullet has a more rumbly vibe, it’s perfect for prostate stimulation, g-spot play, and a full body teasing. The vibrations are not too intense, either. We Trystologists classify this toy as a medium vibration. To toy or not to toy? This is a great first purchase to figure that out for yourself.

Zalo Bess is a store favorite, and very popular with our female clientele!

Bess has two motors – one for a pinpointed clitoral stimulation, and the other to power a discrete dildo on the opposite end… did we mention it’s gorgeous!? We recommend this toy as a starter due to it’s incredible versatility, and it’s undeniable benefit as a couple’s toy. Bess comes with three separate attachments for the clitoral side – a small silicone cap to spread the surface of vibration, a nipple stimulator, and a g-spot wand. It has a low, medium, and high level of vibration along with a pulsing, waving, and steady setting. Looking to spice things up? This tool is about five toys in one, which is precisely why we highly recommend it for anyone looking to explore. This tool works well with water-based lube, or oil. Please… no silicone lube on this baby. She’ll break! 

In short, ‘to toy or not to toy’ is not why Trystology exists…

Trystology is here, and will be for years to come, to provide safe space and permission for all looking to explore their pleasure by owning their orgasms. That general manager within, our brain, does need stress relief. And however you find it, we hope you remember to smile all while loving the skin you’re in. Our bodies are not meant to be judged, shamed, bullied, or worked to the bone. They are our homes, and will be for our entire lives. Trystology tip – enjoy every moment you can. You’re so worth it. In case you forget, we’re here to remind you again and again!

To our community, we love you, and thank you for making this place possible. May we all feel blessed and deserving of the beautiful skin we’re in!

Sex: How to Authentically Play Well with Others!

“Sometimes you have to play a long time in order to play like yourself.” – Miles Davis

So, what is sexual authenticity…

“Wait! Hang on, Trystology… isn’t September National Pleasure Your Mate Month? Aren’t we going to discuss how to give and receive great orgasms?!”

Well, yes.

But as Trystologists, we believe the best part of authenticity’s definition is it’s inherent inference that everyone is, in fact, different, and that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Miles Davis had a point. You may have to play for a long time, but play is the key word here. Play to know yourself, and others, for the real thing.

Sex, and Authentically Playing Well with Others!

Sexually, we all have our own authentic solo inside, and no matter how slow or erratic that vibration expresses itself, somehow it just works when we let go, and we’re not quite sure how. Intimacy is the sensual celebration of this release, together. Like jazz, it’s that one drum line, bass riff, or horn piece uniquely accompanied and better for it, toward an inevitable peak and fall. Freedom without plan or expectation.

Our partners, for better or worse, reflect our ongoing realities back onto us, and conversely, we do the same for them. We aid in guiding each other toward a more pure view and realization of our true selves. The jewel of this human desire for connection exists within the here and now, and choosing to share this present moment, intentionally, with someone we love.

The name ‘Trystology’ comes from the Latin word tryst, meaning a meeting between lovers, so this September, in honor of National Pleasure Your Mate Month, Trystology encourages every reader to give their loved one the best gift of all.

The honest, bare, and authentic you.

Afterall, that’s what we share with those closest to us, whether we like it or not. All of us have a resident crazy person who dwells within… those who love us know our more unique versions well. There’s nothing we can do about that other than to embrace it, flaunt it, and seek to accept all of who we are in order to love all of someone else.

So how will embracing our wild, desiring, hopeful, sweet and sensual side benefit our partnered pleasure, personal orgasm, and who cares anyway?!

How to Play with Others: Trystology’s Authenticity Edition 1.0!

Think of our sexuality as our deepest most creative self, wordless. It is within this sacred expression we are all unique, and sharing this can strengthen bonds of love, compromise, and overall understanding. Healthy vulnerability is good. It’s human, and can lead to more efficient communication over longer durations of time.

Now here’s the thing. No one’s perfect. In terms of sexuality, perfection doesn’t even apply. It has no place in creation. And sure, vulnerability can hurt. That’s why along every road we establish boundaries, not just as a form of protection, but also as a declaration of choice and self-love. By playing with our partners, we learn to give and ask for consent. We learn what we like, and how to communicate our needs.

This is Trystology’s 3-Step Guide to Pleasuring Your Mate, as Yourself!

How to Play with Others: Trystology’s Authenticity Edition! - Self Pleasure

1. Play Well Solo First!

In Trystology’s Authenticity Edition, why would we start with self-pleasure? C’mon, it’s not to be selfish! In order to ask our loved one what they desire, shouldn’t we know how to answer them in return?!

Knowing what we want, and how we like it only empowers ourselves, and our partners! Remember the quote at the start of this article? Play. Beneath our skin, pleasure exists. As we’ve said before, regular orgasms support stronger immune systems, sleep, and overall mental well-being. Without knowing what our bodies like, how can we share that magic with our partners? Maybe spice it up by encouraging them to explore too!

If you’re looking to re-familiarize yourself with your pleasure centers, here are some great tools to pack for the journey:

The Womanizer Duo!

What could be better than a Womanizer? The mind blowing clitoral stimulation of a Womanizer blended with deep G-Spot stimulation thats what! Revel in 12 escalating (independently operated) intensity levels to bring user to explosive, climactic bliss. Using patented Pleasure Air Technology, the clitoral stimulator’s pressure waves gently suck the clitoris to deliver a superb new orgasmic sensation.

Zumio

Unlock new sensations with Zumio i, using elliptical rotation – not vibration – to deliver precise stimulation exactly where you want it! Zumio i’s spoon-shaped tip spreads stimulating energy across a larger area, creating a more diffuse range of clitoral sensation while its elliptical pattern, 8 speeds, and pressure sensitivity put you in complete control of your pleasure.

We Vibe Vector

With rumbling vibrations that target both the prostate and the perineum, Vector leads the way to sensations that go beyond anything experienced before. Designed for comfort with an adjustable head and flexible base, Vector hits all the right spots to lead your beloved prostate owner to their strongest orgasm yet!

Tenga Spinners

Enjoy a unique sensation like none other. An all-new internal coil makes the SPINNER twist as you insert, sending unbelievable sensations with each stroke!

How to Play with Others: Trystology’s Authenticity Edition! - Quality Coupled Play

2. Playing better together.

Set aside uninterrupted time for each other. Commit to it, and plan for it. Now reconnected to what works for you, prepare yourself to listen to what works for them. Whether it’s a night on the town or a sensual evening in, take time to be with the one you love, and connect.

Since everyone’s primary sex organ is the brain, relaxing can increase arousal and the ultimate quality of climax. Wearing sexy lingerie and using stimulating oils, or even massage candles can bolster self-confidence, add ease and set the mood. Here’s a list of our top couples toys and products, perfect for any fantasy. Don’t forget to communicate! If words aren’t available, noises can be guiding all by themselves, but practice conveying your needs while hearing and honoring theirs.

Atom Plus by Hot Octopus

Whether used for solo play or with a partner, the Atom series represents the dawn of a new age for C-rings. Atom Plus combines innovative design with powerful vibration motors to create a C-Ring that delivers deep, rumbly stimulation to all the right places.

Rainbow Crystal Bubble Dildo

Calling all Rainbow People! Finished with a glittery dichroic bulb, this dil will soon become a favorite! The rainbow spectrum-colored gentle curve fits well in the hand, and the bumps make the smooth glass easily gripped. The texture is perfect to achieve an ongoing “first penetration” feeling. The Rainbow Bubble’s curve was made for partnered G-spot or A-Spot stimulation. 

NJoy Fun Wand

Njoy’s most versatile design, the Fun Wand provides a plethora of sensual possibilities. Ideal alone or with a partner, the Fun Wand is great fun for combined oral and G-spot stimulation, or flip the toy (and your partner!) over and use the graduated bulbs to give them the anal treat you know they deserve…

We Vibe Ditto

Explore anal play with We-Vibe’s new slim, flexible, comfortable vibrating plug. Wearable by either a man or a woman, facing forward or back, Ditto can be controlled conveniently by its remote or with the We-Connect app. Playing with other We-Vibe toys? We-Connect can control both from the same device! Rechargeable and fully waterproof!

Oh, and don’t forget the lube!

How to Play with Others: Trystology’s Authenticity Edition! - Authentic Favorites and Further Fantasies

3. Future Fantasies at Play!

Our best advice is keep it going! Talk with one another about what does it for you! Have the courage to be yourself, remember to always respect boundaries, and above all else, don’t forget to play. Play, and watch what develops in your life. If sexuality encompasses a core aspect of our being, learning to be vulnerable while asking for what we want can only resonate outward into the rest of our lives. And yes, it only gets better together!

Sounds good, doesn’t it?

To all our lovebirds out there, we send you our best! Love each other, as yourselves.

And play on.

<3

Looking for more? Please join us Wednesday, September 15th from 6:30pm-8pm via Zoom for our Pleasure Your Mate Class! Spots fill quickly, so reserve your spot now! All beings and questions are welcome, so we hope to see you soon 🙂

Ring, Ring! Calling All Bootys!

Calling all bootys, calling all bootys!

This is your annual Trystology check-up, making sure your rear is in the clear for National Anal Health and Awareness Month. Yes, it’s August, and this month is all about the booty. Don’t worry, no gloves or turning your head to cough is necessary … unless it is, in which case we encourage you to visit your doctor before stopping here.

Instead, we’ve decided to celebrate the month by digging deep to give you the goods on the taboo topic of anal pleasure for her, him, and them. Take a seat, a deep breath and get comfortable as we demystify and openly discuss the intimate, pleasurable, and yes, normal, act of anal sex.

Tense already?

Let’s start by getting to the bottom of some major misunderstandings surrounding this issue. Anal sex, although gaining in popularity between couples of all genders, is not new to humanity, is not dirty, and does not make anyone wrong for enjoying it. Nor does reveling confidently in booty play define your sexual preference in partners. Right now, we’re talking about anatomy. The fact is every human being has millions of pleasure providing nerve-endings in and around their A-Spot, and this ecstasy, for some, can actually support better health and wellness.

Also, if anal play is strictly not your thing, that’s fine too! We’re all different, as we should be. Reminder: we all share more similarities than differences. We all have beating hearts, hopes, desires, bootys, and share the same major sex organ – the brain. In order to enjoy any sexual act, communication and consent together reign as king and queen of this jungle.

Oh, and one more thing…

Here at Trystology we always promote safe sex. If you’ve been blessed with long-term relational bliss, the call is yours, but condoms are always encouraged when entering the back door.

Feeling better? There here we go…

But the butt’s an exit only, right?

More like exit and. Yes, one of the biggest fears with anal play is, I’ll say it, poo, which just isn’t a sexy thing to discuss. To both the timid and the tigers, when done correctly, this issue can be avoided. Now, we all have tummy issues sometimes. If booty play is something you’ve pondered, your first try might not be on a bloated or gassy day.

Trystology tip:

Day of, you might want to avoid dairy or any flatulent prone foods like beans or broccoli. Also, stress itself can make the stomach bubble, so above all else, relax and get your head out of the game.

Um, won’t anal pleasure… hurt?

Lube, lube, lube, my dudes. The anus, unlike the vagina, does not lubricate itself. Safe anal pleasure requires lubrication, protection and when used, can level up any orgasm. However, as stated above, stress can be a major pain here too. When our bodies are stressed or feeling fear, we brace for emotional, and yes physical, impact. Clenching due to stress can make this experience more painful than need be. Getting the brain to calm is a major must.

Trystology tip:

Relax, and go slow. No one is running a race here, and pornography can be incredibly misleading. Even the best porn stars in the game need to warm up for anal play, so let romance and sensuality be your friends. Maybe try a warm bath to clean and calm your tush before the push.

Also, not all lubes are created equally!! Lubricants vary from silicone based, water-based, hybrids, and oils, all of which are safe for anal sex. However, silicone lubes are not made for toys. I repeat, silicone lubes are NOT for toys. The medical grade silicone used for many toys can break down when slathered in some silicone lubes, so don’t break your expensive toys! Water-based and oil lubricants are safe for toy use, so you decide.

Here are Trystology’s top-selling lubricants of every kind:

Uberlube is a premium silicone lubricant free of parabens and other harsh chemicals. Versatile, Uberlube may be used for sex, massage, anti-frizz, and anti-chafing. Formulated with only the highest quality silicone and fragrance-free, Uberlube is perfect for sensitive skin. Weightless in consistency, waterproof, and never sticky, it is easy and comfortable to use. Artfully packaged in a non-porous glass pump bottle and safe to use with rubber latex, silicone, plastic, glass, and metal toys.
Luxurious, long lasting, water based lubricant. It’s made with herbal formulations and an eco-friendly biodegradable bottle for environmentally conscious users. The luxe formula contains a stimulating combination of ingredients (horny goat weed and ginseng) to help increase blood flow to applied areas for longer lasting and increased performance. Sold in multiple sizes from 2oz to 8oz for increased fun!

Formulated for more comfortable anal pleasure, this is the first silicone based lubricant that contains jojoba extract. The jojoba relaxes the skin and anal muscles, but does not desensitize or numb. It’s long lasting, no messy clean-up, contains extra-moisturizing hyaluronan, and is latex condom safe.
All natural Bisabolol extract from the chamomile plant makes this the perfect silicone glide for relaxing anal sex. It has been used for hundreds of years in skin remedies because of its skin healing and muscle relaxing properties. Bisabolol is known to have anti-irritant, anti-inflammatory and anti-microbial properties.
Coconut oil based lubricant by Coconu! Personal moisturizer also works very well as a massage oil. Long lasting formula protects and heals dry skin creating a lasting slippery effect. Made with USDA certified organic coconut oil.

Can anal play stimulate the P-Spot and the G-Spot?!

Yup! Sure can. Anal play is pleasurable for vagina owners, penis owners, and anyone in between. If P-Spot and G-Spot are unfamiliar terms, the P-Spot refers to the prostate, located two to three inches inside the anus of cisgender men. It is stimulated with a finger, buzzy toy, dildo or penis. Why is it pleasurable? Because it provides direct contact with the prostate, and encourages a complete ejaculation, which can lead to you or your partner’s strongest orgasm yet. The prostate will get larger, or feel spongy, upon stimulation, and this type of pleasure can induce an orgasm with or without an erection. Start gently, communicate, and enjoy the ride as this orgasm can be most intense for penis owners.

Trystology Tip:

The second most common type of cancer in the U.S. is that of the prostate. We don’t say this to scare anyone. In fact, here’s some information which may ease your mind, and bits. Harvard found that prostate owners were less likely to develop cancerous cells when their prostates emptied fully, and regularly. Anal play for him/them can actually support longer and stronger sexual health.

Here are some P-Spot tools to fit any bottomline:

  • Lelo Hugo
The remote controlled LELO HUGO is perfectly designed to offer entirely new avenues of sexual satisfaction. With 8 settings and exclusive SenseMotion technology, HUGO is all set to become the playpartner you’ve been waiting for. It’s USB-rechargeable and 100% waterproof. This expertly sized pleasure object deeply massages the prostate, while a secondary motor in the base stimulates the perineum for overwhelming stimulation.
  • Aneros Syn V
Helix Syn V produces quiet yet powerful vibration in an ultra-compact, hands-free design and can be used in two modes, powered and unpowered. Helix Syn V offers a unique experience in unpowered mode with fuller, more robust stimulation. Powered mode introduces 8 expertly tuned, preset vibration patterns at 3 levels of intensity for a total of 24 enhanced sensory experiences, utilizing a simple multifunction button control.
  • Sensuelle Homme Pro S
Here’s the rechargeable prostate massager by Sensuelle. Curved to follow the body’s natural flow, this internal massager has ten different vibration intensities and a ball massager at the tip. It has three different up and down speeds for complete pleasure!

Ah yes, the G-Spot. Otherwise known as the Grafenberg Spot, it’s located in the vagina if cisgender women one to three inches in and toward the belly button, however, can also be stimulated anally. The G-Spot enlarges with steady contact like the prostate, whether directly through the vagina or by way of the back door. Gentle come hither motions to start are best for anal pleasure and sensations only increase when coupled with buzzy or oral clitoral stimulation.

Trystology Tip:

Start with a plug! Taking in a partner’s full member, or even a dildo, can feel intense to start, so start low and slow! Plugs are designed to stay in place, and many come in super cute designs! Some vibrate, some don’t.

Either way, G-Spot, here’s the buzz on some of our favorite fillings:

  • Godebuster Medium Plug
A medium glow in the dark, vibrating, anal plug… Does it get more fun? Godebuster can be used for personal pleasure or as a gift for lovers or friends.
  • Rianne S Booty Plug Set
Rianne S allows wearers to display their booty beauty with pride! These extra sleek silicone plugs are beautifully finished with a gem-like stone. It’s the ideal training kit to further explore anal pleasure and undiscovered erogenous zones.
  • Sensuelle Mini Plug with Remote
This plug can be used solo or with a partner for lots of sexy fun. It comes with fifteen different speeds and a one year warranty!
Features also include a USB Rechargeable Bullet, USB Rechargeable Remote, it’s 100% Waterproof (submersible), and there’s a toy bag included!

Conclusion?

If you’re happy and you know it, bottoms up! Anal pleasure, when done carefully, kindly, and safely, can excite your love life while improving your health, not shaming it. Here at Trystology, we encourage you to love your tush, and all the pleasure it has to offer. Check up complete, and your rear is clear for take off!

Own It for National Orgasm Day!

“We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.” – Lily Tomlin

Yep. Lily Tomlin. Wise gal, we think. And to celebrate National Orgasm Day, we at Trystology are here with oodles of reasons why #OYO, owning your orgasm, can support a fuller, healthier, and happier life for you and the ones you love! Or maybe just like. Or… make those less than favorable slightly more tolerable. You decide. Read on, the satire has only just begun.

We’ve discussed it before, but for those new to the news, orgasms are great! There’s just no doubt about it. They produce a unique cocktail in the body that relieves stress, supports the immune system, and most importantly, encourages a positive self-image. 

Thing is, your orgasm belongs to YOU!

No one else feels it, experiences it, or has control of it. Certainly, partners can, and hopefully do, relish in your experience, but the nerves are yours, and we encourage everyone to have the nerve to explore themselves without shame, guilt, or fear. That said, sometimes this is easier said than done. Shame, guilt, and fear are monster emotions that can take over any occasion, private time included. Perhaps you’ve been there, and maybe you haven’t, but a busy brain can be a real buzz kill. There’s more too. The brain is EVERYONE’S primary sex organ. So, what can we do when the brain goes… a little off the rails?

The easy answer? “A little self-love goes a long way!” 

O-kay, but shut up already!

We get it! “A little self-love goes a long way, everyone!” We hear it, constantly. Everywhere. This sentiment has even fingered its way into commercials via advertising these days. But we’re not selling paper towels here, people. We’re talking about that sweet, sweet O. That horizonal hokie-pokie. That no-no in the uh-oh. That… okay, I’m embellishing. But has our popularized advertisement of ‘self-love’ made it a farce? A sell? Some utopian fantasy that moves consumerism forward?!

Take a deep breath. Not exactly… lets go back to basics for a sex… I mean sec.

They key to loving yourself is knowing who the hell you are. And this doesn’t happen overnight. This happens throughout life, folks, which as every adult knows, involves suffering, not perfection. It just does. If you disagree, you’re probably young, or an ostrich. Maybe a unicorn, I’m not sure. Either way, come see me. Let’s talk, because all of us, sometimes, have a real shit day. News flash, we’re allowed to! And whereas orgasms aren’t solving world peace, (and imagining some politicians in the act absolutely horrifies most), they can relieve headaches, keep us healthier and more tolerable, intimately connect us to our partners, and remind us that some shit storms really are followed by a rainbow.

Imagine this…

Tomorrow morning, you wake up to your dream vehicle just waiting outside for a test drive. Who drives it first? Your neighbor?! I sincerely hope not. I hope you drive it, and enjoy every curve of the road, beam of the sun, and wind in your hair. Well, our bodies are just vehicle, and one more miraculous than any piece of steel out there. They’re exquisite. And before giving anyone a ride in or on these skin suits, we should know how they handle, what they like, what they need, and how to keep them humming along these backroads of life.

Here’s a hint.

If life is the road, communication is the fuel. But you can’t communicate what you don’t know to be true, especially when it comes to your body and bits.

For vagina owners, where’s your g-spot, and how do you like it stimulated. Not sure? Take that baby for a spin! It may be a longer road-trip than you expect, so pack up the lube and take it away. Some navigational advice for those who don’t have theirs mapped out, which is completely normal for women of any age, it’s one to three inches in the vagina, up towards the belly button. Steady come here motions work well here, so hydrate for the ride. Clitoral stimulation can help here too, but how does yours like to be touched? Here are some of our favorite exploratory tools to pack for the journey.

Deep in penis possession? How does your body achieve its strongest climax? If you’re not sure, have you found your prostate? If it’s flat out not your thing, that’s fine, but inviting Mr. Prostate out to play could really change your game. Just like the g-spot, it’s about three inches into the anus, and reaching it solo first could be just the secret you want to spill. How about your perineum. Know about it? It’s the patch of skin behind your testicles, and if anal play is a strict no, another road to prostate engagement. Rumbly vibes, pressure, or simple licking can do the trick! Below are the tools we find essential for the trunk.

For today, treat yourself!

In a world turned upside down, we think self-exploration, self-knowledge, and knowing your orgasm is time well spent. Truly. At the end of the day, your body is your vehicle to manifesting whatever your heart desires in this world. So today, strap on the do not disturb sign. We at Trystology won’t judge, and it can just be our little secret.

Things that will make me smile during self-quarantine

Every day I try to start the day off positive, and if possible, with a laugh.  It’s a little hard to do, when you are in the same place, day in and day out, and every day is Monday, and ever day is Saturday!   I don’t think any of us ever thought that at “this age” (whatever that age is) that we’d be quarantined, as a nation, in our own homes.  Sure, we can go out for necessities, but other than that, well, it’s a day of bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, dining room, living room, back to kitchen, bathroom, back to living room, kitchen, dining room, bathroom then off to bed.  Perhaps you have some variable if you’re working from home, but either way, it can tend to take on a bit of monotony.  Since I can be a silly gal, I thought I’d share things that I’ve found in my daily life that make me smile!  

Cups can make you smile?

  • Nude Dudes
  • Mona Divine

As I said in my previous blog, I love tea.  Every morning I wake up and before or after I try to meditate, I like to make my tea.  Here’s where I’ve been having so much fun!  I enjoy trying to figure out who’s going to get which mug today!  Do you have a mug collection?  Maybe you know what I’m talking about.  My favorite mug these days is my Trevor Wayne “Nude Dudes” mug.  Who wouldn’t want to have a cup full of naked men?  Okay, maybe there’s someone, but for me, it makes me smile!  My mother-in-law, who is 81 and has dementia, lives with us, and while I traditionally have a Kate Spade cupcake mug for her that was given to me by my sister-in-law Denise, now and then, I shake things up and give her my Nude Dudes mug. She giggles.  My husband, on the other hand, loves Divine from the John Waters Movies, so I have a Trevor Wayne Mona Divine mug for him.  It’s pretty badass… And some days, I just have to use the Trevor Wayne Resting Bitch Face mug… because sometimes you just want to have something pink that’s got an attitude.

  • Resting Bitch Face
  • Golden Heroes

Aromatherapy can be funny?

Peaceful AF Mindfulness Spray

After tea, at some point during the day I either get stressed out, or try to do some yoga… that’s when I pull out my Warm Human Mindfulness sprays.  These are aromatherapy blend sprays that were created to help people get centered, empowered, inspired and helps to set the intention for the afternoon.  

There are 4 different scents for adults, as well as 4 scents for kids.  I LOVE them.  They’re even great for spraying on the mat for cleaning… I choose one of the four scents and spray it around me in a circle over my head.  That way I’m enveloped in the mist of the amazing scents.  So what’s so funny about these?  Well, the names are certainly cute, and make me smile!  One of them my husband says I’m not allowed to have yet… because I don’t do what it says!  I’ve decided that during this time of self-quarantine, I’m going to try to earn the ability to use that one!  LOL!

  • Pretty Dope Soul Spray
  • Yoga-To-Be Free
  • Spiritual Gangsta

Here are the Warm Human Mindfulness Spray names:

Peaceful AF– “I am a diving magical creature of peace, exhaling all of the stuff that freaks me out, and inhaling positivity and rainbow vibes.”

Spiritual Gangsta– “Got that Earth-loving wild spirit, warrior heart, beautiful soul that’s gonna spread love and serve the world kinda vibe.”

Pretty Dope Soul– “Humble enough to know I have a ton of flaws, but also wise enough to know that my heart is pure, and my soul is as dope as they come.”  

Yoga-Ta Be Free– “I’m flexible and kind to myself every step of the way.  I will rest, stretch, open my heart, breathe deeply and simply begin.”   

Aren’t they fun?  Can you guess which one I’m not allowed to have?  LOL

Malicious Women crack me up!

Malicious Women Candle Co Bitch You Got This!

Another one of my favorite thing that’s been making me smile during this self-quarantine is my stuff from Malicious Women Candle Co. They have a few things that make me smile… first of all their candles! OMG!  My mom even wanted me to light one of their candles during her surgery the other day!  “Fuck It.” Infused with “Just Fuck it!” with the scent of Cedar and Bourbon.  There are so many sentiments that they create that make me smile, but the one I brought home to carry me through the Quarantine is “Bitch… You Got This!”  Infused with “Positive Vibes” with the scent of “Pink Champagne”.  You gotta love that, right?  When I’m not lighting candles to make me smile, I’m wearing my Bitches Against Bullshit long sleeve shirt.  I mean a girl’s gotta have one of these, right?

Malicious Women Candle Co Bitches Against Bullshit Long Sleeve hooded T-Shirt

How to let kitchen towels crack you up!

Twisted Wares Please Wash Your Hands, No Seriously! Terry Towel

The last thing that has been carrying me through this with a sense of humor is my Twisted Wares towels!  We just recently got the “Please Wash Your Hands, No, Seriously!” towel, but my old standbys are “Shut Up, Liver, You’re doing Fine” which seems appropriate in some households I’ve spoken to lately and “Spooning leads to Forking”… but my favorite, before this whole adventure, was “Don’t Worry Dishes, No One is Doing me Either”… now it’s more likely “Good in bed”… LOL!

 These Twisted towels have a great sense of humor and really help me make it through the day!

  • Spooning Leads to Forking
  • Don’t Worry Dishes, No One’s Doing Me Either!
  • Good In Bed Towel

Well, I hope you enjoy seeing the things that make my self-quarantine so much more fun! You truly need to keep humor in your life these days! In some ways this time can be so hard and frustrating… and yet, as you can see, in some ways it’s so easy to bring a smile to your day! I hope that you can find humor in yours! If you come up with ideas, please don’t hesitate to share them, here, or on our Facebook or Instagram pages!