Sexual Independence Month!

Let’s claim July as Sexual Independence Month!  Becoming sexually independent can look like what you want it to look like, so this month I’ll share some ideas that individuals can use to become “sexually independent”! But first, let’s discuss setting the tone for being able to claim sexually independence!

Whether you are a confident and assertive sexual being, or someone who is more curious or timid, there comes a time where we all become aware of our needs and desires. Sometimes this awareness comes naturally… you know those people who are just always “on”! Always ready. Then there are others who are comfortable to just “be”. If it happens, it happens. And then there are those who are in what I call “hibernation”! Much like a sleeping bear, hibernation for our sexual side of our being can mean that that part of ourselves can be “asleep”! You know that feeling! We all get it sometimes… It can be days, weeks, maybe even months or years when you aren’t aware of your sexual side of yourself! Work. Family. Stress. Financials. These all play into whether we are able to awaken our sexual side of our being to be open to allowing us to feel desire.

Below I am providing the Trystology Talk Episode 8 on Hibernation, for those that may want to “wake up” their bodies, if they find that this subject speaks to them!

Whatever stage you are in, on – content – hibernating – I’d like to have you choose this month to assert yourself and acknowledge your sexual independence!

I know this might not be an easy thing. How we respond to our needs and desires can vary.  By default, some people will act on them, while others might naturally tuck those feelings aside and ignore or pretend they don’t exist. Other’s may not even be aware that they “aren’t in the game”. While these responses are natural and happen automatically, without thought, I am asking you to make a conscious choice to choose to “own it“… your sexual self!

Here’s the thing… no one checks in on us as to whether we’re doing well with our sexual selves.  They might ask about whether you exercised.  Meditated.  Ate well.  But when you meet your friends for coffee, they will most likely never ask if you’ve had your orgasm today!  Really!  Right?!?  We can focus on our nutritional health, spiritual health, emotional health, physical health, but no one asks about or focuses (usually) on their sexual health!  THIS MONTH, I want to change that!  I want you to consciously choose to wake up your sexual side.

So what does that mean?  And what are you choosing?  Sexual independence is not much different than waking yourself up from hibernation.  It’s choosing to self pleasure, or have intimacy with a partner, even when you’re not necessarily feeling like it!  We take our vitamins when we’re not eating well.  We exercise when we “don’t feel like it”.  But when it comes to sex, and intimacy, we tend to think we have to feel like it!  This isn’t really true!  You can wake yourself up, and you can enjoy intimacy and pleasure… even if you don’t think you can.

All of this is so very personal, so take from this what resonates with you!  If you just want a massage oil and a massage to gain your sexual independence this month, then choose that.  If you need to learn to wake up the body, and want a stimulating balm, or figure out what vibrator might work best for you or your partner, then let’s explore that!  And some people still may want to explore the orgasm-a-day philosophy… solo or with their partner.  Either way, make a choice to find out what it is that might be interesting to you, and then… it’s all about play!

Sexual Independence Tools! Here we’ll provide some ideas to explore. We have curated tools that will help with regaining your sexual self.  We will start with Stimulating Balms for the clitoris, as some are really tingly, almost electric, like the ON Balm.  Other’s are more gentle, like Intimate Organics Gentle, or stronger, like Intimate Organics Intense or Coco De Mer Pure Delight!  We will include Ride for men, which helps to extend their experience, or enhance it, and provide tools to play.

You’ll see that, much like my podcast on hibernation, we have included the full spectrum of tools in this section.  From massage tools, to couples toys, and vibrators for him and her.

If you have any questions, or want any recommendations, don’t hesitate to give us a call!  We even do private consultations, if you’re interested!  We can be reached at 888-801-8952.

An Orgasm-A-Day for Masturbation Month

Roylin shares her “Orgasm-a-day” philosophy with Cindy in this Episode 3 of Trystology Talk: Sex and the Empowered woman.

Why do we at Trystology promote this philosophy?  It’s important to look at the challenges most men and women have when they approach their sex lives.  There are not very many sources to get good information about sex… what’s “normal”, what’s right for me, is this something I should explore?  We kind of find our way through our sex lives with a trial and error approach!  At Trystology we know how good orgasms can be for you, so we are promoting that you have an orgasm-a-day… or one a week… or one a month, if you’re only having one a year!  Figure out what’s right for you!

Why is this important?  Orgasms give us something we can’t get any other way!  Oxytocin, endorphins and antibodies to keep us healthy!  They also relieve stress, help with headaches, and make us happy!  AND They’re FREE!

Sometimes it can be hard to fit into our lives… much like exercise and vitamins.  However, orgasms can be just as important as both of those things!  For men, more frequent orgasms can improve prostate health, as well as cardiac health!  For women, we can avoid atrophy, and as my grandmother, Marion Downs says, we might live longer!  She quotes in her book “Shut Up and LIve: You know how!”, the Harvard Study on aging states that the more orgasms one has, the longer one might live, and it doesn’t matter if it’s with your partner, or by yourself!  Well, then!  Why not!

Marion Downs and Roylin in 2014. She was 100!

So this brings up the subject of Masturbation.  I traditionally don’t use that word, preferring the “orgasm-a-day” or “self-pleasure” connotation… because it’s more subtle and I don’t want to scare anyone away…  but here’s the thing:

“Don’t knock masturbation, it’s sex with someone I love”   – Woody Allen

We may not be comfortable with the discussion of self pleasure, but it is something when we love ourselves, and “love on” ourselves, we get huge benefits… My goal is to have all people feel comfortable with their bodies, empowered knowing what works for them, and with the freedom to give themselves what they need!  If your partner is home, GREAT!  Have a shared experience!  If they’re not, it’s okay, have an orgasm by yourself!  The rest of the day will look AMAZING!

How??? You might ask!

My thing is that we should all understand what works for us!  As women, our bodies are designed to take 20-40 min to have an orgasm.  That can inhibit some playfulness, and delay the ability to “fit” an orgasm into our already busy lives… however, when a woman can find a tool or technique that works for them, they can turn themselves from what we call “crock-pots”, where we simmer to be able to achieve an orgasm, to a “microwave”… the term we use for men.  When a woman is a microwave, they’re able to have an orgasm in 1-3 min, and go on with their day!  Doesn’t that sound great!?!

With the  new tools that are on the market, it’s not difficult for women to find different products that might work for them!  We have everything from incredible stimulating balms, which help to “jump start” women, by stimulating the clitoris and bringing blood flow there, to toys of every shape and style.  Air suction technology tools that help with imitating oral sex, and low or high vibration tools that could be used solo, or with a partner!  Below are a few tools that I recommend for the “orgasm-a-day” philosophy for women, and a couple for men!

Womanizer InsideOut

Womanizer

The newest offering from Womanizer, which you KNOW is one of my favorite tools for woman to achieve an orgasm is the Womanizer InsideOut!  OMG!  It’s a must have!!!  Not only do you get the unique Air-Suction technology Womanizer has been known for, you also get the dual stimulation of internal g-spot vibration most women know and love!

Zumio

Since it was introduced, Zumio has been a fan favorite of Trystology!  It’s oscillating, pinpoint stimulation is PERFECT for “Power Girls” who crave that intense stimulation, without the numbing sensation of most wand style toys!  AND it can fit between the bodies for a true intimate experience!  With it’s “60 second orgasm” claim to fame, its certainly worth a look!!!

Jimmyjane Form 2, whether it’s the original or the LUX version, has been the number one selling clitoral toy for Trystology, since we began selling it 9 years ago!  It’s low rumble, or high vibration suit women of all vibrational needs, all the way to my power girls!  It’s small enough to be discreet, but strong enough to be just what’s needed!  We don’t leave home without it!  No trip is complete without the Jimmyjane Form 2

The Leaf Life is Trystology’s #2 selling couples toy!  When it’s paired with a massage oil candle, like the Jimmyjane Afterglow, or our favorite massage oil/lubricant, Uberlube, the Leaf life can give partners so many options for sensual play, or lovemaking!  The Leaf is adjustable for low rumbles, to high vibration… maybe not high enough for my power girls, but it’s an awesome toy to use on nipples, clitoris, or even a penis or perineum!  And it’s oh, so discreet!

The Leaf Vitality is one of the most discreet, and versatile,  rabbit style toys we carry!  I swear we should design a planter pot, so women could just set it on their bedside tables to “hide” it from their family!  It’s adjustable dual stimulation works for most women… maybe not my power girls, but that’s okay!  We have other options for them!  The dual stimulation assists women achieve an orgasm more easily!

The Ina Wave is a TRUE Power tool for Power Girls!  It’s assertive clitoral stimulation does not let up, and it vibrational strength can go from a low rumble to a very strong vibration.  This power tool is amazing in that it can isolate the sensation to clitoral only, g-spot only, or no vibration at all.  AND it has an amazing ability to give the g-spot “come hither” wave… which has been a winner for mot of my customers!  This toy is not for the faint of heart.  It’s a true power tool!

we-vibe sync

The We-Vibe Sync is the most amazing partner play tools, as it can be used both inside the bedroom and out, and it can be used during lovemaking, or for foreplay or solo play!  It’s one of the only toys that can give stimulation to both partners at the same time, and with its bluetooth enabled option or remote control, it takes partner play to a whole new level!  Anywhere in the world!  Don’t miss out on all the We-Vibe toys!

Tenga Egg are a great partner play tool for playing with a penis, or a wonderful solo play toy for those with penis’.  The design on the outside of the egg are the design on the inside of the egg, so  you can select your desired sensation… with more stimulation or less…  They are able to be used for 1 to 8 times… depending on how rough you are with them!  They do pop!  Tenga says they are one time use!  Just add lube!

The Tenga 3D is one of the best sleeves designed for the penis!  It’s beautiful design makes it a subtle toy, when stored, and when turned inside out, it is an amazing sensory play, where the person playing with the toy can feel the sensations through the soft, proprietary material!  It’s an awesome partner play tool, or solo play!  And turn it inside out for easy cleaning!

One of the best, most effective, and yet dismissed male toys is the prostate stimulator, and the one that is a favorite starter, or even more advanced, is the Aneros Helix SYN! The statistics state that when the prostate is stimulated, it can give a man an orgasm 3 to 10 times stronger than a regular orgasm!  With those kind if statistics, and the fact that it helps with prostate health, it’s certainly something worth exploring!

All these products can be found at www.trystology.com

Enjoy Masturbation Month in May!!!

Stress and Intimacy

Stress and its effects on intimacy can be huge.

It can blindside you.  Something happens, like, say a fire, that takes over your whole community, and all of the sudden you go into survival mode.  It doesn’t have to be as drastic as that, but as a resident of Southern California, it’s becoming a little more commonplace, so I thought I’d bring it out in the open and discuss it.

As someone who promotes an orgasm a day, this is a very important topic.  Sex and intimacy, not only for couples, but for individuals, gives you something to help you relax, it releases oxytocin, endorphins and things you can’t get any other way… so for me, it’s kinda like taking your vitamins on a daily basis… you need it to be whole.  When you go into survival mode, much like Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, we collapse down into our base needs of shelter and food… this thing about intimacy and sex can just disappear.  The desire, the need… vanishes!  Such a fascinating thing to see while it’s happening.  As someone who notices… as many in relationships do, when their partner shuts down, and isn’t interested in going there… or when we shut down.  It’s an interesting phenomenon.

Many things can trigger this shut down.  The loss of your surroundings, whether displaced or actual loss of a home or material goods can change one’s perspective on sex and intimacy.  It can seem like “that’s not important now, we have other things to worry about”… The displacement and living with others, or being in a hotel room you have to share with other family members can also create that sense of “Really?!?!, now?!?”… So that switch seems to shut down until times change, or situations change.

We need to remember that our brain is our biggest sex organ, and when we are preoccupied with survival, and insuring the safety of others, or when we are displaced, and not in our surroundings, we can shut down aspects of our normal and healthy selves.  Our brain will not allow us sometimes to open those gateways when we are too preoccupied with survival.

Be patient with yourself.  This can take some time to reset the feeling of being whole again.  And be patient with your partner, as stressful situations can take time to recover from.  My recommendation is to be patient with yourself and your partner.  Take the time to communicate and reassure each other that this will happen again.  Make time to reconnect, and share some level of intimacy, whether it’s holding each other, cuddling, or just simply holding hands or touching.  Your bodies and minds will rebound before you know it, but recognize that each person recovers at their own pace.  Support those that are slower than you!

And remember… For love and passion.  That’s what life’s about!

Zumio and the Elusive 60 Second Orgasm

Is Zumio Just the Right Thing?

Zumio Vibrator

Throughout my time in this business, I have been in search of the perfect tool for achieving an orgasm quickly and easily. A vibrator with just the right amount of vibration, sensation, and yet something that is body safe, waterproof and rechargeable. One that can be used with partners or by oneself!  That doesn’t sound like too much to ask for, does it?  Along the way, I have found some amazing tools, many of which I LOVE!

The Eroscillator
While it’s a plug-in tool, the Eroscillator is a wonderful tool for all women, whether power girls or not.  It oscillates vs. vibrating, which allows for no numbing sensation, and women seem to love it.  It has the ability to change heads, so you can have the softness of the Soft Touch Finger Massager, or the more assertive sensation of the Grapes.  While it’s not waterproof, or rechargeable, it does offer women wonderful orgasms, and can be used by partners during lovemaking, having a handle and narrow head, it has some reach.

Eroscillator

Jimmyjane Form 2
This toy is my “go to” for most women.  The vibration seems to be something that most women can relate to, and it is waterproof, rechargeable and quiet.  It has dual head stimulation, good for nipples or the clitoris, and is so small it fits in the palm of the hand, easily.  Whether you’re using this for pinpoint stimulation, flat vibration surface or “sensation in stereo”, this tool is great from a multitude of angles. One downside is that it’s harder to fit between the bodies, because it is rigid and slightly wide… It is great in some positions, but not in all.  One great thing is that it has enough power for most power girls, so it’s a great travel tool for power girls.  It also has a low, low sensation, so it’s also great for most women.  I say it can give a woman an orgasm in 1-3 minutes!

Jimmyjane Form 2

Along comes the Zumio Vibrator

An odd looking plastic tool with a very narrow pinpoint head, with the claim of being able to give a woman an orgasm in 60 seconds? Forgive me if I am skeptical of this assertion! Upon meeting the Zumio, I discover that this is no gentle flower. From the first sensation, it is full speed ahead, and then ramps up to a total of 8 levels of sensations, which could be considered “ramming speed”, or knock you in the next room, as I’ve said about the Magic Wand, if this toy was not so small as to only have only a pinpoint head for direct stimulation of the clitoris.  The fact that it oscillates, like the Eroscillator, and has the power of the Form 2, makes it almost the perfect tool for my women who like a little more power or sensation!

Zumio Accessories

How do you use this odd looking tool? The Zumio looks more like a wand, so it can be held within the palm of the hand, pointing out. It has an “on” button, and a separate 8-shaped sensation adjustment button which takes you from the initial on sensation to the many power levels. I’m not sure most women will need to go past the third level, but as Womanizer said the same thing to me about their original product, and I didn’t listen to them, many women may not agree with me on that! I’d recommend that you start with the initial sensation and use it to tease the clitoris and perhaps go along the clitoral legs down the labia.  As arousal builds, you are able to allow more sensation on the clitoris, and perhaps ramp up the sensation on the top of the 8 shaped adjuster.  Whether you use a light touch, or press more firmly, it seems to work both ways!  The wonderful thing about this tool is that no matter what position, you’re able to fit it between the bodies during lovemaking!

And, YES! Zumio does seem to work within 60 seconds! AMAZING!

I find the Zumio to be one of the best toys for an “Orgasm a Day” philosophy, and one of the easiest ways a woman who likes stimulation can achieve an orgasm.

Trystology Has Moved!

Womanizer came on the sex toy scene a year and a half ago and made claims that many women couldn’t believe! First was the Womanizer 100 with a case, one of my favorites, but it was soon replaced by the Pro 40. The Womanizer 500 was also launched and has been just okay, not my fav due to the shape and the pointy button. I loved the rounded crystal of the Womanizer 100. The Womanizer Pro 40 was a brilliant no brainer; waterproof, rechargeable, and quiet. And sleek.

But now…

Womanizer 2GO

Womanizer has, in my opinion, outdone itself with the 2GO! Women of all ages are intrigued by sex toys, however some simply can’t or won’t buy a sex toy because they aren’t discreet, or they are mortified that someone will find the toy. With the NEW Womanizer 2GO, you have a discreet lipstick shaped toy. Though a bit too large for a lipstick, it reminds me of a discreet perfume bottle that you can keep in your purse, or travel with without fear of being discovered! And here’s the thing, it WORKS!

Womanizer 2GO is a new favorite at Trystology!

I might dare to say that I think it is my favorite air suction toy yet! It’s smaller shape, and easy positioning are quite nice. Its materials are silicone based, with all the benefits of the other Womanizers! The one thing that’s different, and that I really like, is the one button on, off, and change button. With a little practice, and nuancing the button, you can increase the sensation, drop it to the lowest speed, and turn it off. VERY convenient!

I also think that the color selection is quite creative! Not only do they have the classic black and gold, and the sleek white and gold, Womanizer has added a Mint and Pink! Okay, I wasn’t sure about this, but truth be told, it’s darling! I love it! So whatever your choice, I have no doubt you will love this new Womanizer 2GO offering!

Womanizer 2Go Classic White and Gold
Womanizer 2GO Mint and Pink

You can find Womanizer 2GO and other Womanizer products at Trystology.com

Trystology Talk Podcast E11: Sex Under The Weather

Sex when you’re sick? Why not?

Podcast audio only is available for download at TrystologyTalk.com.

Episode 11 was a tough one, as all our guests were sick with a cold, Roylin included! But, “The show must go on,” and so we shifted the focus to “sex and being sick.” Roylin was able to find 2 articles in Men’s Health magazine which addressed the topic.

But first: Have you had your orgasm today? Roylin was very adamant that all this illness going around was caused by a the lack of enough orgasms in our recent past. With the reflection of all her guest being ill, she pondered whether there had been a deficit overall, with much humor.

What was heard in the store this week? It was hysterical. While helping a male customer in his late 40’s, three young women in their early 20’s were shopping as well, with one trying things on. When she came out of the dressing room, he whispered “I’m not looking, I’m not looking” and Roylin went over to help the her. She looked amazing in the Patrice Catanzaro one piece. She decided to try another on, and then stated, “You guys, you have to tell me, why have I not pursued a profession in stripping?”… to which the man said “You must hear some amazing things here!” Why, yes, we do!

The episode focused on the need to get enough sleep, so that you don’t get sick, and having orgasms, because they help you sleep. They also give you oxytocin, endorphins, and vasopressin, which is shown to make you feel sleepy. So great! There is no evidence of passing on illness through the semen, but definitely not able to kill all germs, even if you bathe in antibacterial cream! So be careful and don’t infect your partner. But don’t be afraid of having an orgasm a day! It can only help with your immune system, among other things!

Womanizer Plus

Oh, and by the way, Womanizer is back on the shelves!

Womanizer Plus Video Review

Womanizer is the gold standard in air suction technology!

Womanizer has outdone itself with the launch of the NEW Womanizer Plus! A BEAUTIFULLY designed Womanizer product, with a longer handle, accents of Gold, Black and White, and all the great features that we have come to know and love about Womanizer products. This graceful and elegant air suction toy is designed with body ergonomics in mind. Whether you are small bodied, or a full figured gal, this toy offers convenience and practicality in a beautiful package!

Womanizer is the gold standard for a new category of air suction technology toys, which offers a woman the opportunity to have an orgasm, with touchless stimulation, often in less than 3 minutes! While this is unheard of from most current sex toys, and many women don’t always need or want to have an orgasm in less than 3 minutes, having the option is nice! The thing is, it works!

The Womanizer Plus is a GREAT addition to the Womanizer family, and a welcome addition to any woman’s “tool kit.” It has a wonderfully long handle, and is waterproof, rechargeable and quiet. It has the ability to adjust the sensation to higher and lower with a simple toggle button (+ / -). (Most other toys have a single button to go all the way to high and then back down to low in one direction only.) Anyone who has used a toy like this knows that the ability to make suction strength “corrections” to lower or raise the suction, is crucial. The Womanizer Plus offers that in such an easy to use package.

Womanizer plus

We love all the Womanizer toys, from the Womanizer Pro 40 to the Womanizer Deluxe… and now the Womanizer Plus! With a philosophy of an orgasm a day, it’s very easy to achieve when you’ve got a Womanizer in your tool box!

Trystology Talk Podcast E10: Hot Monogamy

Hot Monogamy!

In Episode 10, Roylin talks “Hot Monogamy” with Marriage and Sex Therapist Dr. Megan Fleming. Dr. Fleming has been featured in Cosmo, Oprah, Men’s Health and more. Her motto is, “Become the happiest couple you know.”

But first, Have you had your orgasm today? Roylin forgot that she had! Funny thing, she couldn’t sleep at 1am after a busy day, and needed to have help going to sleep, so out came the toys! How about you?

Heard in the store this week: Two women read the sign outside the store, ‘For Love and Passion,” and exclaimed that they needed some of that! They came into the store, giggling, and searching for love and passion! They found it! Yay!

Megan and Roylin discuss her philosophy that couples should avoid comparing their relationship with that of other couples. Work on creating what’s hot for you and your partner. It takes conscious effort, and Megan suggests role playing, fantasy, and other ideas to keep engaged with your partner. With statistics that show intercourse frequency with your partner at just 1x per month or less constitutes a sexless marriage, Megan and Roylin strive to encourage couples to engage in conscious interaction. This can be in the form of touch and massage, the introduction of a sex toy, or with simple conversation and engagement. Communication is key for partners to share their desires, needs, and wants. This is important because it is known that most couples aren’t necessarily matched on their drive. There needs to be respect and negotiation on frequency, and it is interesting to note that the person with the lower sex drive is in control. It’s just the way it is.

Another fun analogy is that some couples aren’t even on the dance floor together, and that we need to bring them back onto the dance floor so that they can even engage. We discussed hibernation in Episode 8, so that played a bit into getting individuals out of hibernation, and onto the dance floor.

Roylin and Megan will meet again to discuss her new book Invisible Divorce. Until then, enjoy reconnecting with your partners!

You can check out Dr. Megan Fleming’s new book here…

Invisible Divorce Book