“Sometimes you have to play a long time in order to play like yourself.” – Miles Davis

So, what is sexual authenticity…

“Wait! Hang on, Trystology… isn’t September National Pleasure Your Mate Month? Aren’t we going to discuss how to give and receive great orgasms?!”

Well, yes.

But as Trystologists, we believe the best part of authenticity’s definition is it’s inherent inference that everyone is, in fact, different, and that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Miles Davis had a point. You may have to play for a long time, but play is the key word here. Play to know yourself, and others, for the real thing.

Sex, and Authentically Playing Well with Others!

Sexually, we all have our own authentic solo inside, and no matter how slow or erratic that vibration expresses itself, somehow it just works when we let go, and we’re not quite sure how. Intimacy is the sensual celebration of this release, together. Like jazz, it’s that one drum line, bass riff, or horn piece uniquely accompanied and better for it, toward an inevitable peak and fall. Freedom without plan or expectation.

Our partners, for better or worse, reflect our ongoing realities back onto us, and conversely, we do the same for them. We aid in guiding each other toward a more pure view and realization of our true selves. The jewel of this human desire for connection exists within the here and now, and choosing to share this present moment, intentionally, with someone we love.

The name ‘Trystology’ comes from the Latin word tryst, meaning a meeting between lovers, so this September, in honor of National Pleasure Your Mate Month, Trystology encourages every reader to give their loved one the best gift of all.

The honest, bare, and authentic you.

Afterall, that’s what we share with those closest to us, whether we like it or not. All of us have a resident crazy person who dwells within… those who love us know our more unique versions well. There’s nothing we can do about that other than to embrace it, flaunt it, and seek to accept all of who we are in order to love all of someone else.

So how will embracing our wild, desiring, hopeful, sweet and sensual side benefit our partnered pleasure, personal orgasm, and who cares anyway?!

How to Play with Others: Trystology’s Authenticity Edition 1.0!

Think of our sexuality as our deepest most creative self, wordless. It is within this sacred expression we are all unique, and sharing this can strengthen bonds of love, compromise, and overall understanding. Healthy vulnerability is good. It’s human, and can lead to more efficient communication over longer durations of time.

Now here’s the thing. No one’s perfect. In terms of sexuality, perfection doesn’t even apply. It has no place in creation. And sure, vulnerability can hurt. That’s why along every road we establish boundaries, not just as a form of protection, but also as a declaration of choice and self-love. By playing with our partners, we learn to give and ask for consent. We learn what we like, and how to communicate our needs.

This is Trystology’s 3-Step Guide to Pleasuring Your Mate, as Yourself!

1. Play Well Solo First!

In Trystology’s Authenticity Edition, why would we start with self-pleasure? C’mon, it’s not to be selfish! In order to ask our loved one what they desire, shouldn’t we know how to answer them in return?!

Knowing what we want, and how we like it only empowers ourselves, and our partners! Remember the quote at the start of this article? Play. Beneath our skin, pleasure exists. As we’ve said before, regular orgasms support stronger immune systems, sleep, and overall mental well-being. Without knowing what our bodies like, how can we share that magic with our partners? Maybe spice it up by encouraging them to explore too!

If you’re looking to re-familiarize yourself with your pleasure centers, here are some great tools to pack for the journey:

2. Playing better together.

Set aside uninterrupted time for each other. Commit to it, and plan for it. Now reconnected to what works for you, prepare yourself to listen to what works for them. Whether it’s a night on the town or a sensual evening in, take time to be with the one you love, and connect.

Since everyone’s primary sex organ is the brain, relaxing can increase arousal and the ultimate quality of climax. Wearing sexy lingerie and using stimulating oils, or even massage candles can bolster self-confidence, add ease and set the mood. Here’s a list of our top couples toys and products, perfect for any fantasy. Don’t forget to communicate! If words aren’t available, noises can be guiding all by themselves, but practice conveying your needs while hearing and honoring theirs.

Oh, and don’t forget the lube!

3. Future Fantasies at Play!

Our best advice is keep it going! Talk with one another about what does it for you! Have the courage to be yourself, remember to always respect boundaries, and above all else, don’t forget to play. Play, and watch what develops in your life. If sexuality encompasses a core aspect of our being, learning to be vulnerable while asking for what we want can only resonate outward into the rest of our lives. And yes, it only gets better together!

Sounds good, doesn’t it?

To all our lovebirds out there, we send you our best! Love each other, as yourselves.

And play on.

<3

Looking for more? Please join us Wednesday, September 15th from 6:30pm-8pm via Zoom for our Pleasure Your Mate Class! Spots fill quickly, so reserve your spot now! All beings and questions are welcome, so we hope to see you soon 🙂