Tag Archives: sexuality

One Story Along the Road to Sexual Health

What does sexual health mean to you? Yes, it’s Trystology here, asking our readers to join as we explore the incredibly vast topic of sexual health. Is it ‘safe sex’ defined by condoms or diaphragms? For those who are single, is it regular STI testing? For our honeyed-up crowd, is it loyalty? Regularity? What exactly is sexual health, and how could it be the same for everyone? Better yet, can it be boiled down to one thing for anyone, or is sexual health inherently more spectral?

This week I’ve taken to asking a slew of folks about what sexual health means to them, but every answer led me back to my own question.

I found myself alone asking, what does sexual health mean… to me? And since I probably don’t know you, I’m realizing all I have is my story, my journey, and how my idea of sexual health has changed over the years. My journey will be different than yours. Perhaps you will find parallels, pieces you agree with and things you don’t, and that’s perfect. To me, sexual health involves a regal, confident, and free mindset. One of knowing you are deserving of the pleasure your body has in store for you, and that no one, no thing, no situation, and no trauma has the ability to rob you of that without your explicit permission. What do I mean?

Well, without further ado, this road starts with my first partnered orgasm.

Wish me luck, ‘cuz here we go.

I, like many cisgender females I know, did not have an orgasm the first time I had sex. Nor the second. In fact, it took so long to happen I was convinced I was doing something wrong. Condoms? Check. My young attempt at being sexy? Check. Clean, and smelling good? Check. But I just couldn’t get there. I felt alone, and that feeling further prolonged my orgasm’s arrival. Not only that, I faked it. Not just sometimes, but every time. I recalled some elder female once telling me how important it was for men to feel powerful and successful in bed, and the last thing I wanted was to make anyone feel like as much of a failure as I felt I was.

Then, one magical day, it happened.

Now before you go thinking I was with some Romeo, let me assure you, I was not. It happened almost randomly. After nearly a year of sexual activity, I remember hearing a voice deep within telling me to let go. It fascinated me. I didn’t know what I was letting go of, but I just took a breath and followed the thought toward my first feeling of partnered ecstasy. This was also my first brush with sexual health. Simply put, having the courage to ‘let go.’

As the years and a few partners elapsed, orgasming never came easily to me. Somehow the words of that elder woman stayed, like gum in hair or oil in water. No matter the encounter, I always prioritized my partner, never myself. Sexual health and/or success was only achieved when the person I loved was happily snoozing away. This belief got me into some dangerous situations, as I never learned how to stand in my power. Honestly, I didn’t know it was an option. Yet, even after rape, abusive relationships, assault, lies, and general nonsense, that same voice would appear every so often saying, sometimes screaming, ‘let go, LET GO’ but let go of what, I still couldn’t pinpoint.

It wasn’t until my thirties I started to piece it together.

What was I letting go of? I’ll tell you. I had to release my bad habit of seeing myself as second to the world around me. This realization truly blew my mind. I was, am, and will always be deserving of the pleasure that exists beneath my skin. Outside of it too. Period.

So what changed?

Honestly, my current partner. Every so often life presents us with magnificent teachers. Many of them exist here at Trystology, but mine sauntered into my life four years ago. By the time we met, my mind and body had endured a lot. So had his, yet he had the courage and endurance to stand by my side as I stepped into my sexual power for the first time.

He asked questions about what I liked, and assured me he was willing to support, not shame me. I was so shy at the time, I could barely squeak out, “I don’t know,” but lovingly, he continued to ask. He showed me the door to seeing myself as more. More deserving, less ashamed. More empowered, less small. More me, less of a people pleaser. In return, holding him has never felt like a chore or job. Just the opposite, in fact. It feels like an honor, and somewhere along the way, sexuality became ours, not just his or mine.

Officially, what is sexual health?

I still think it varies. This story is just one of infinite stories, but I do believe the root of sexual health and wellbeing is knowing you deserve the unique pleasure waiting beneath your skin. You don’t have to be pretty or handsome enough, smart enough, wise enough, none of that crap. Simply living makes you enough. And whereas my partner inspired a change, that change was always available to me. Partnered or not. However, I alone had to step through that door to brave what was waiting on the other side. What I found was freedom, movement, and a version of me I’d never met. I was strong, sensual, and confident once I let my chains go. Proudly, I still am.

If you’re looking to boast your sexual health with pride and enjoy the skin you’re in, we gotta say, this set rocks. Monique Morin’s Wild Lace Long Line Bra is cozy, sexy, and unbeatably flattering
Bracli epitomizes class. This luxury lingerie brand adds lavish lust to any bedroom, while sporting real, yes real, pearls. These pearls also make this lingerie set wearable during the deed, and add pleasure to both you and your partner.

So hey you, person I’ve never met…

You deserve your body and everything it has in store for you.

Perhaps you don’t feel this way right now, but you do. You deserve partners who make you feel safe. You deserve a life second to none. You deserve whatever you deem healthy sexuality to be. Period.

In celebration of health, we’ve decided to feature some of the best lingerie Trystology has to offer. We carry beautiful sets by Monique Morin and Bracli, perfect for any occasion to beautifully flaunt exactly who you are.

Since working for Trystology, my wisdom and confidence has only grown, and in writing these blogs, we hope yours has too.

An orgasm a day, Trystology?! Really?! Isn’t that a bit… much?

No. Because you are worth all of you.

Always.

Also, still use protection. It’s important. 😉

Lovability makes great condoms in cute packaging. Embarrassed by visitors finding your stash? Not anymore! Sexual health. In a tin 🙂

And Sexual Independence for All!

Sexual independence

Light up the grills and grab your shorts! Summer’s here, the heat is on, and Trystology’s hot monthly topic is independence. Not just any kind of independence, mind you, but sexual independence. That’s right, we at Trystology are here to celebrate YOUR journey toward sexual independence… but how can we support something so uniquely and individually defined? Sexuality itself has infinite expressions, as does independence, and whatever pallet of hues you choose is your choice, and yours alone. What may be freeing to me might cage you, so what the hell does it mean to own your orgasm, and how can you do so confidently? When we say sexual independence, are we strictly talking about masturbation, or something bigger?

Maybe the real question is how much do you like being you?

Now, if that last question was simple for you to answer, I’m jealous and please come to the store as soon as you possibly can to spark this topic, teach a class, or just be our local guru. If you’re struggling to define what sexual independence means to you, or just how to own who you are at your core, join the club! Sexuality is a reflection of our deepest selves – the self without words or definition – and can come with a LOT of baggage in the form of shame and guilt. Luckily there’s something our sexuality is not, and that’s stagnant. Fear not, singles, I’m talking to you too. The human experience is such that we forget, like everything and everyone else around us, we are centered within a process of our own. We age, we learn, we change and grow, all while also existing within a society which only recently began to value self-care, not as an indulgence but rather as a necessity. And let’s face it, we have a long way to go. The fact is our sexuality plays a major role in overall health and wellbeing, so is it necessity, indulgence, or a little of both?

Self-Care as an Act of Rebellion!

As previously mentioned, the idea of self-care is new to the Western world. Most of us were programmed to believe that taking care of our needs last made us noble, hardworking, trustworthy, and good. Why then does breaking the rules feel so, I don’t know, great?! Side story – as a kid, I used to love when my Mom made me clean my room, but not because I actually enjoyed picking up. No, I liked the alone time. I would turn my ceiling fan on high, and throw my stuffed animals into it, only to burst into hysterical laughter when my poor, furry friends would smack the wall and thud to the floor. My mom worked from home, and needless to say, hated it. One day, she snuck up the stairs and caught me in the act of what could have only looked like “stuffie” execution. She doubled over with laughter and scared me half to death. Sure, I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to do, but I was getting to know myself, my humor, and my individuality. Amidst her laughter, she explained how she took conference calls from home, and making all that noise was disruptive to her day. Bottom line, I could only throw the stuffed toys into the fan, (good call, Mom), and I couldn’t do so if she was on the phone. My fun wasn’t over, but her boundaries needed to be respected.

The B-Word…

You might say our sexuality is much more complex than a stuffed animal hitting a wall at maximum speed, and I would agree. But owning aspects of who we are, especially our sexuality, involves a little exploration, laughter, making mistakes and learning important lessons, all which help us to establish and define these reeeeeeally important things called boundaries. Readers, we can’t stress this enough. The word boundary is not a bad word. Very similar to my mother’s response, a boundary can liberate and bring smiles to more people than just ourselves. They allow us to operate with others, not for or against them in a way that excludes ourselves. They help us to establish who we are by knowing who we are not. Truth be told, owning our boundaries can pave the road to independence of any kind, and can be loving, funny, even/especially sexy.

In order to provide liberty and justice for all of our nether-bits, it’s important to remember we all share the same major sex organ – the brain. An orgasm is like any other bodily reflex. It’s an involuntary response to pleasure governed by genitals, yes, but only with permission from the mind. That’s why boundaries are so important. They support a feeling of safety, and setting them doesn’t have to suck! A sexy conversation is always a wonderful start to any intimate encounter! What do you like? What makes you feel good, and how do you like it done? If these questions are difficult to answer, explore your own unknown! Here’s a list of our favorite books and toys for him, her, or them.

Off The Shelf:

Build Better Relationships Through Consent, Communication, and Expressing Your Needs
Are other people constantly intruding on your personal space, using your stuff, disrespecting you, and otherwise violating your boundaries? You can’t control what they do, but you can control how you understand and communicate your own needs and make choices about how you behave and respond to the people around you. Dive deep into self-work with this interactive guide that can be used alone or as a companion to Dr. Faith’s book Unfuck Your Boundaries. You’ll learn about how to give and get consent, how to make sure you’re stating your boundaries clearly and being understood, how to decide what is a dealbreaker, how to deal with boundaries in group settings, how to identify abuse, and how to hold yourself accountable to respecting the boundaries of others. Helpful to anyone trying to figure out healthier intimate relationships, better workplace dynamics, difficult family drama, or just how to be more confident in your own skin.
Hard is good, harder is better… for your health, your libido, your life.
Such is the provocative premise behind Dr. Steven Lamm’s The Hardness Factor, a groundbreaking book that will change the way men live and love. The Hardness Factor measures male health through the quality of an erection – perhaps the greatest male motivator for better living (more so than fear of cancer, heart attack, or stroke). The Hardness Factor asks, Can men be hard and in shape for sex their entire lives? The answer is, absolutely. Here for the first time are scientific, evidence based regimens – emphasizing nutrition, supplements, and exercise – to increase erectile quality.
Girl Sex 101 is a sex-ed book like no other, offering info for ladies and lady-lovers of all genders and identities, playful and informative illustrations on each page, and over 100 distinct voices, plus a hot narrative that shows you how to put the info to good use!
The essential guide for singles and couples who want to explore polyamory in ways that are ethically and emotionally sustainable.
For anyone who has ever dreamed of love, sex, and companionship beyond the limits of traditional monogamy, this groundbreaking guide navigates the infinite possibilities that open relationships can offer. Experienced ethical sluts Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy dispel myths and cover all the skills necessary to maintain a successful and responsible polyamorous lifestyle, from self-reflection and honest communication to practicing safe sex and raising a family. Individuals and their partners will learn how to discuss and honor boundaries, resolve conflicts, and to define relationships on their own terms.

The Toy Chest:

The name of Bess comes from Egyptian Goddess Bastet, who is the goddess of the home, domesticity, women’s secrets, cats, fertility, and childbirth. She protected the home from evil spirits and disease, especially diseases associated with women.
Bess fits comfortably in your hand and offers the most accurate stimulation, thanks to the innovative DirectPower technology. It concentrates on the sensitive points, with motor revolutions up to 10000 times per minute, to give the perfect orgasm experience
Zumio offers a 60-second quickie, mind-blowing multiple orgasms or hours of delicious exploration. What’s your pleasure? Searching for a way to achieve deep stimulation and precise control, Zumio designers took the circular fingertip motion, creating their revolutionary Spiro Tip Technology. The result is satisfying, whirling pulses with up to 8 levels that can be concentrated on smaller areas.
Zumio’s oscillation penetrates with a massaging effect that reaches deeper while being gentle on surface nerve-endings. The low vibration handle also won’t irritate or numb the hand during use. Alone or with a partner, this unique clitoral stimulator can provide pleasure fast or slow, tickling her pleasure zone like nothing else.
Enjoy a unique sensation like none other. An all-new internal coil makes the SPINNER twist as you insert, sending unbelievable sensations with each stroke!
The Tenga Spinner comes in 6 varieties, each with unique sensation strengths from their internal details as well as differing material firmness and tightness.
Simple and Powerful. The Man Wand Xtreme is a stimulator kit designed for men and couples. Man Wand – Xtreme has two flexible flaps on the massagers head that can hold a penis of most any size while the textured silicone optimizes the vibrations and pleasurable stimulation.
The powerful vibrations of Man Wand can be enjoyed with or without an erection and users can customize their pleasure, taking full advantage of 3 powerful speeds and 5 scintillating patterns of vibration.
This limited edition luxurious gift box offers couples an opportunity to treat each other to endless nights of passionate fun. It will turn her on and turn him up, perfect for all sexy occasions. Beautifully packaged in our silver feather box design, it contains our powerful G-Spot Bullet and our world-famous Mio. It’s an unbeatable combination and a perfect gift for all summer long.
Fun on the go and no one will know. Moxie by We-Vibeª is a vibrator one wears for discreet and exciting clitoral stimulation. Small, comfortable and whisper quiet, Moxie stays in place with a magnetic clip so that a moment of pleasure wont be missed. Increase the excitement by using the app to control the fun from anywhere anytime.

Whatever you choose, knowing the choice is yours should empower and inspire the infinite zigs and zags that exist throughout this thing called life. Independence isn’t the same for all of us, neither is sexuality, but setting boundaries and knowing yourself is the way to accomplishing either on your terms, no one else’s. Here at Trystology, we wish you independence, divine sexuality, and the permission to own your life, boundaries, and as always, your orgasm! You deserve it, and your road awaits.