In Episode 10, Roylin talks “Hot Monogamy” with Marriage and Sex Therapist Dr. Megan Fleming. Dr. Fleming has been featured in Cosmo, Oprah, Men’s Health and more. Her motto is, “Become the happiest couple you know.”
But first, Have you had your orgasm today? Roylin forgot that she had! Funny thing, she couldn’t sleep at 1am after a busy day, and needed to have help going to sleep, so out came the toys! How about you?
Heard in the store this week: Two women read the sign outside the store, ‘For Love and Passion,” and exclaimed that they needed some of that! They came into the store, giggling, and searching for love and passion! They found it! Yay!
Megan and Roylin discuss her philosophy that couples should avoid comparing their relationship with that of other couples. Work on creating what’s hot for you and your partner. It takes conscious effort, and Megan suggests role playing, fantasy, and other ideas to keep engaged with your partner. With statistics that show intercourse frequency with your partner at just 1x per month or less constitutes a sexless marriage, Megan and Roylin strive to encourage couples to engage in conscious interaction. This can be in the form of touch and massage, the introduction of a sex toy, or with simple conversation and engagement. Communication is key for partners to share their desires, needs, and wants. This is important because it is known that most couples aren’t necessarily matched on their drive. There needs to be respect and negotiation on frequency, and it is interesting to note that the person with the lower sex drive is in control. It’s just the way it is.
Another fun analogy is that some couples aren’t even on the dance floor together, and that we need to bring them back onto the dance floor so that they can even engage. We discussed hibernation in Episode 8, so that played a bit into getting individuals out of hibernation, and onto the dance floor.
Roylin and Megan will meet again to discuss her new book Invisible Divorce. Until then, enjoy reconnecting with your partners!
You can check out Dr. Megan Fleming’s new book here…
Before talking about sexual hibernation, Roylin discusses An Orgasm A Day. This time about what to do when you or your partner is tired, but you still want to have that orgasm!
And, interestingly enough, the word heard at the store this week had to do with one of our recent episodes about being vanilla! It’s so fun to have our customers reflect our philosophy back to us with beaming happiness!
This episode focuses on sexual hibernation. What is hibernation? As Roylin describes it, it’s a state where we put our sexual health on hold, and sit in that comfortable place, where we don’t address our sexual needs, or desires. Hibernation is not always something we do consciously. Sometimes it just happens, because our partner is away. Because we don’t have a partner. Perhaps because life is too busy or stressful or overwhelming to even remember that we have a sexual life. It’s not a bad thing to be in hibernation, but it is something we should be aware of, and something we can consciously choose to get out of. And it has nothing to do with age, as one can be in hibernation in their 20’s just as well s they could be in their sixties.
Roylin discusses how we feel in sexual hibernation, and some of the tools we can use to get out of hibernation. With our brain being our biggest sex organ, we need to remember that we can choose to get out of sexual hibernation. But if that’s not enough, we have tools to help us do so.
The products of the day are meant to assist in getting us out of sexual hibernation. Whether we use a stimulating tool, like a stimulating balm, warming lubricant, or vibrating tool, there are a number of ways that we can wake up the body and work our way out of hibernation, whether we are with a partner, or not.
In the sex toy industry, the storage and cleanliness of toys is of utmost concern to not only consumers, but shops that want to provide customers with a way to maintain and manage their toys. While at the ANME Trade show this year, we were SOOO pleased to discover a brand new product that would help with just that! Uvee is a new company that has created an attractive storage and cleaning system that not only works for sex toys, but works for any item you would like to have cleaned! Your iPhone, for example, can be placed in the Uvee, and the ultra violet lights will kill 99.9% of all bacteria in 10 minutes or less using the UV-C patent pending sanitizing process.
It was so great to meet the owners. UVee was founded by Mother/Daughter team Carrie Martz and Brooke Martz O’Connor. They developed the idea out of necessity, as Carrie was pregnant and worried about infection during pregnancy with the use of toys. The research they did in developing a sanitizing storage case using UV rays is genius.
They offer Uvee in 2 sizes, a smaller as well as a larger option, which is big enough to hold a Magic Wand, one of the larger toys available! In addition, the larger Uvee has the ability to not only have multiple toys placed in at the same time (including your iPad or phone), it also allows for charging of the devices as well! Another great feature, besides of course the cleaning and charging, is the ability to lock the case, to keep all the items away from prying eyes!
The Uvee is an attractive and discrete case that offers customers so many great benefits! We are so excited to finally be able to provide an “all-in-one” option for cleaning, storing and locking all the amazing toys we offer at Trystology.
In this episode Roylin talks about sensory play, or erotic play using sensations like cold, hot, scratchy, or electric. And the “Have You Had Your Orgasm Today?” segment looks at the challenges of aging and how desire can diminish. But the benefits of intimacy and orgasm, with oxytocin, endorphins, and antibodies, never goes away.
Production for this episode fall’s on Roylin’s birthday, and finds her visiting Palm Springs Aerial Tramway for a walk in the snow. The snow, with its chill, adds a level of sensation that changes toys like the Njoy Eleven or Pure Plug, by creating a cold sensation, or warm sensation if placed in warm water. By using heat or cold with products like glass dildos or steel toys, individuals and couples can change an ordinary toy into an extraordinary experience. In addition to glass and steel, wooden toys, and even electro stimulation, or E-Stim toys can add to the sensory experience by changing the dynamics. Using all sensations, sight, sound, touch and taste, couples can enhance and enjoy each other in a whole new way.
While steel, glass and wood are altered in their feeling through heat and chill, an e-stim toy adds to the experience through increased sensation, and in some cases surprise. An electric shock can add an involuntary body response, much like orgasms do for the body, and like other sensory experiences, amplify the pleasure quotient 3-10 fold.
Whether you are vanilla, or a little bit (or a lot) kinky, each person, or couple, can benefit from the exploration of sensory play. Cool, warm, tactile, sharp, smooth, tickley, or hard can enhance your pleasure. Until you’ve tried it, you never know, so find the most interesting sensation you can find. Start with a soft feather, or something scratchy, and see what you or your partner think.
All the Power You’ve Wished For, From We-Vibe Wish
We-Vibe has been one of the top brands at Trystology since the beginning. They seem to understand how and what works for the body, whether it be the We-Vibe couples toys, like the Classic or Sync, or the Touch and Tango.
With the introduction of the new We-Vibe Wish, We-Vibe has entered a wonderful new realm with a soft silicone coated, powerful toy with nice aesthetics. We-Vibe built this toy with two powerful motors, and insured that, by design, the motors do not cancel each other out. They work in unison, or at other least complement each other, providing the user with a strong vibration at the tip. The Wish can be held at the base with very little vibration on the hand.
The We-Vibe Wish has a nice plush silicone tip and cover. Anyone who’s ever tried a tango and didn’t like the hardness of the plastic coating will be won over by Wish! And while it is not a small toy, it is small enough to fit in one’s hand, and flat enough to fit between the bodies without intrusion. The majority of the power is in the tip, so for clitoral stimulation, it has just the right curve and just the right power. The thing we love about the We-Vibe Wish is that it can also be used for massaging, teasing and for both partners. Nipple stimulation, clitoral stimulation, and on the penis or perineum. Our favorite is a warm massage oil candle poured on the body; a great compliment to the Wish for massage and relaxation.
The power level range on the Wish vibrator is low enough for most people, and the high is quite strong. This toy is sure to please. It’s also waterproof and rechargeable. And while I usually say quiet, it’s not the quietest of toys! But I think its other traits will win you over.
You can see all the We-Vibe toys, including the Wish, at Trystology.
In this podcast episode, Roylin explores the “vanilla” side of sexuality. Vanilla can come in so many variations, and not all vanilla relationships are created equal. Urbandictionary.com defines Vanilla Sex as Sex that involves no twists or kinkiness, and no S&M. Basically plain regular sex. Typically sweet and happy and very lovey-dovey.
Like most of what Roylin teaches at Trystology, each person chooses for himself or herself what is right for them. It’s interesting that not even Roylin’s 25-year-old son agrees with the concept that Roylin is “heterosexual, monogamous and vanilla” as she claims. He feels she is breaking the code of vanilla by introducing sex toys into the relationship.
Roylin challenges him to consider that adding a toy to insure a woman achieves an orgasm isn’t beyond the boundaries of vanilla sex! Why does vanilla sex have to be devoid of pleasures or orgasm? So, Roylin took to Facebook to survey whether vanilla could include a toy or not. There were many no’s, however the consensus was yes, it’s okay, as our society has evolved. In creating the survey, Roylin was able to show how diverse perspectives are able to come together with a new definition of vanilla. One participant came up with the following modernized definition for consideration.
Vanilla = lack of any kinks or fetishes. Varied positions and toys are fine because they are mainstream at this point. What used to be a kink in society may not be anymore as the society opens up to the idea.
What’s the deal with all the different types of lubes?
In the Toy Talk portion of the show, Roylin discusses personal lubricants, from Überlube, a silicone and vitamin E lube, to a water and silicone hybrid called Pink Unity. And Good Clean Love, a chemical free, water based lube.
Roylin discusses how lubes can be used to assist women with aging issues, like thinning tissue, or dryness and painful intercourse. Pjur Med Repair is a plant based water based lube that creates a water protection on the tissue to assist with lovemaking and avoiding painful intercourse. When used with Überlube on the male, or toy, you get a combination of protection and glide!
Lastly she discusses the edible lubricants from Sliquid, which Roylin likes to call dessert!! They are delicious flavors, and no matter what you like, whether Strawberry Pomegranate or Pina Colada, you will find a flavor you enjoy!
Tokidoki, the latest line of toys offered by Lovehoney.
Our favorite Tokidoki item at Trystology is the Unicorn Wand. What is a Unicorn Wand, you might ask? Well, think about the Magic Wand on steroids… cuteness steroids. Not only do you get the power of a plug-in wand style toy, but also the adjust-ability of a variable speed massager! You know, not just on / off or high / low! You get to roll the adjuster wheel and get the sensation to be as low, medium, or high as you’d like!
In addition, the Tokidoki Unicorn Wand has a colorful, bright turquoise handle with a hot pink head. On the head is this fabulous silicone rainbow maned unicorn cover that will amplify any sensation you might like to try. Who doesn’t love a unicorn!?!
While it may be a little too cute for some people, nobody can say that the power and shape of the unicorn wand cover doesn’t work for them! The unicorn horn and ears on the silicone cover are placed strategically so that whether you’re male or female or otherwise, you can enjoy the unique sensations offered by this adorable, powerful, wand.
And, hello!? It is also an amazing back massager. Yes, some people actually do use these wands to de-stress in other ways!
Lovehoney has been an exceptional designer of quality toys over the years, offering things like the Sqweel Wheel, and presenting the Fifty Shades line of products. With the Tokidoki collection it is no different! This wand style toy is a great addition to any collection looking for a cute and clever powerful massager.
Multiple vibration speeds accessed via scroll wheel
Removable silicone head with exclusive Stellina Unicorno design
Large head perfect for body massage or broad-surface contact
In this week’s episode of Trystology Talk, Roylin discusses the challenges of fitting in an orgasm every day. By asking each episode whether you’ve had your orgasm today, the realities of life come face to face, and we begin to realize that it isn’t always as easy as it sounds. With the brain being the biggest sex organ, things like orgasms, exercise and vitamins, can get put on the back burner when life gets busy. But they are good for us, and part of what makes us healthy. So she challenges us to figure out how we can fit it in to our busy and complicated days!
“Things We Hear in the Store” is a new addition to the podcast. In this week’s segment, we heard a man reading the window decal on the outside of our store, “The G-Spot Does exist. Have you found yours?” And without missing a beat, his girlfriend said loudly and giggling, “Well you found it last night!” To which he replied, “Really?! Awesome!” We just love stuff like that!
Tools for Your Sexual Health
This Trystology Talk episode is about sexual health! We’ve discussed the health benefits of an orgasm a day, with oxytocin, endorphins, and antibodies, but we also have other areas we should focus on for our sexual health, for both men and women!
Roylin discusses how women need to focus on their pelvic floor muscles, which get a lot of abuse during childbirth, and need to be tuned up as we age. The pelvic floor muscles help with things like enhancing the orgasm and assisting with bladder control. We’ve all been told by our doctors to do “kegels,” which means tightening and pulling in the muscles whenever we’re at a stoplight, or doing dishes for example. Unfortunately, most of us don’t do it. We are fortunate that designers have created products that we can use to do these exercises without much hassle. But the funny thing we always tell customers is that “they only work if you use them!”
For men, the sexual health aspect that needs to be addressed is the prostate. Being that the prostate is accessed via the anus, it’s a subject, and body part that most men prefer to ignore. However, the prostate can wreck havoc on men, as it can harden, swell with age. By massaging the prostate, men not only can address their sexual health issues, they can also increase their pleasure. Statistics show that men can achieve an orgasm 3-10 times more intense with prostate stimulation. What’s not to like about that?! With the introduction of tools like the Aneros Helix or Eupho, prostate stimulation can be achieved more easily, and even alone.
Womanizer air technology for orgasms in less than 3 minutes!
Two and a half years ago I was introduced to a new technology at a trade show. Two men tried to convince me that new “air technology” was incredibly good at giving women orgasms in less than 3 minutes. Yeah, right.
Long story short, well, they were right. Womanizer introduced the Delight, and changed my world, and the worlds of many women. For the past two years I’ve been committed to the Womanizer as a core product in my “orgasm a day” philosophy, as it works for most of the women I’ve referred it to. This year, for whatever reason, the company discontinued my favorite, The Delight, and introduced the Pro40, an awesome $99 waterproof version, in addition to their Deluxe version. Now the Pro40 won’t be returned to stock until 2nd quarter… YIKES! What’s a girl to do without her Womanizer?
As a responsible purveyor of such things, I wanted to be sure that in the drought of Womanizer, we provide a comparable tool! I researched and found the Satisfyer. Coincidentally, the Satisfyer is also a German based company, which is where Womanizer was founded. While Womanizer is my favorite, I have to say, I’ve come to really love the Satisfyer Pro.
Here’s the thing, we’ve figured out that air suction technology works for women, and orgasms. It brings the blood flow to the clitoris, and assists in achieving an orgasm quickly. Not all women want this, as it’s clear, women are like crock pots, and men are like microwaves. Some women just want to simmer. However, with an orgasm a day philosophy, we don’t always have the time luxury of simmering, so a toy like the Womanizer or Satisfyer are a perfect addition.
What are the differences? I like the Womanizer Delight because it has the ability to push a button and quickly return to the lowest sensation. It is also extremely quiet! I like the Womanizer Pro 40 because it is waterproof and capable of adjusting sensations with a plus and minus toggle… this is GREAT! The Satisfyer Pro2, which is clearly striving to be like the Womanizer, only had one button to turn on, and one button to go all the way to 11, and back. There was no chance of toggling up or down, so when you reached a sensation that was too high, it would have to be turned off or pulled away. We just can’t all take that high sensation. All Satisfyer toys are also waterproof, and under $100! The Womanizer models start at $99 and go up.
So being forced to look at the Satisfyer more closely, I explored all their offerings, and came up with a few that I think are amazing.
The Satisfyer Pro2 is a good offering for those that want a handle, and are able to either click rapidly to adjust the sensation from low to high to low again, or are willing to turn it off and back on again to start the sensation over. With this toy you use your thumb.
The Satisfyer Pro Deluxe is an awesome little tool that nestles between the labia right onto the clitoris, and with your middle finger, you’re able to click the back of the toy to toggle up to the sensation you like, or click it off, then on, or click in rapid sequence to get from 4 to 11 to 3.
The Satisfyer Pro Penguin is just darn cute with its hot pink self and small form.
And lastly, I like the Satisfyer 2, which is currently at $50, and is a STEAL! It’s nice because it has a handle, which is great for a lot of women, and it is the only one that currently has a toggle of plus and minus. It is also battery operated, which some people prefer.
Whichever you choose, the Womanizer Deluxe, the Womanizer Pro 40, the Satisfyer Pro Deluxe, Pro2, Penquin or Satisfyer 2, you can’t go wrong with this air suction technology! I’m so grateful that those two men annoyed me with their statements and made me want to try it! The world has been a better place since.
Check out our Satisfyer and Womanizer products at www.trystology.com
Our topic today is Fifty Shades. Why? Because the second movie is coming out!
But first, I want to mention that, as you might have seen on our Trystology Facebook page, we participated in the Women’s March on Washington. With a store like Trystology, we are women centric, and so this is near and dear to my heart. I felt called to stand up for women… Because we don’t want to go backwards. Only forwards.
My favorite part was sharing it with my husband, and amazingly enough my sister and her husband connected with us amidst the hundreds of thousands of people that were there… it was very emotional to share this with her.
Wherever your stance on these subjects, know that we at Trystology support the diverse perspectives. We just want people to be free to own their bodies and own their orgasms!
Speaking of that… Have you had your Orgasm today? Against all odds, I did. What do I mean by that…? Oh, geez fitting in an orgasm, some days is much like taking vitamins and or doing 20 min of Cardio! UGH! Every day I’d prefer to linger in bed with my man and enjoy some lovin’… but these days it’s a “get stuff done” kind of day! Up and attum! No time for lingering or lovin’. So, I must squeeze it in before I go to work… and since the brain is the biggest sex organ, it’s not always willing. But it is important. For my mental, physical and emotional health… I own my orgasm.
#OYO – Own Your Orgasm!
With that in mind, I want to propose a #OYO hashtag… Own Your Orgasm! Many of my clients are shy and don’t want to post with #AnOrgasmADay, so how about just simply #OYO? I’ll be working on this over the next few weeks, but let’s start using it today and spread the love!
It’s been a few years since Fifty Shades of Grey came out. We had so much fun watching women squirm in their seats while reading the book out in public. This isn’t a commentary about the quality of the book, it’s just a phenomenon about a subject that gave women and couples permission to explore something that they were judgmental about or afraid of. I can’t tell you how many men came in and were so excited that their partner was willing to explore a vibrator, or a little bondage or spanking because of reading Fifty Shades. Whether you liked the quality of writing, or not, Fifty Shades did give a generation or more of women permission to ask questions and explore.
Here’s the thing, in BDSM relationships, there’s conversation and agreement before there’s ever the laying on of hands… Not so much in traditional relationships. I’ve always said that it’s attraction. Hand holding, kissing groping, and lovemaking. Rarely a discussion about what one wants or agreement. Fifty Shades chapter 11 reveals a contract which listed the many things a couple could agree on. It introduces a new way of approaching the conversation and the act of lovemaking. AND it gives you permission to choose with your partner, and not allow societal norms to define your relationship.
Therefore, I loved the phenomenon of Fifty Shades! Whatever you thought of the concept of the book, if you haven’t at least looked at the first book for ideas, it might be something to explore!
So, what products are we discussing today!?! Fifty Shades friendly toys! Blindfolds, cuffs, feather ticklers and spankers!
Once upon a time, it was perceived that these items were too kinky for the vanilla or traditional relationship. You’d raise an eyebrow at the thought or mention of introducing these, even a vibrator or anal plug or kegal exercisers. Now each of these items is more or less accepted in some way or another!
Top product today is the Jimmyjane After Dark Blindfold, Cuff and Kegal Balls… soft leather, and glass balls makes this an incredible kit to start or continue play with.
What happens when you blindfold someone or tie them up? We isolate a sensation, so when people told me that the fact that the book showed she had an orgasm in each session, I say that since she was blindfolded, or restrained, her sensations were amplified, which assisted in making the concept of orgasm more believable.
When we blindfold, and then touch our partner… with our hand, or with a feather tickler, or more scratch toy like a Wartenberg wheel, or scratchy beard, our pleasure sensory receptors are on steroids.
For those that aren’t intimidated by a little heartier cuff, the Kinklab Velcro cuffs, and the under the bed restraints are a fun tool. They can be situated so that you can get out of them if you place them over the top of the bed, or to the sides, which can be more restrictive. It’s such a reasonably priced kit too!
And then there are sensory items. Feather ticklers are soft and each feather style can change the sensation. Crops and floggers tend to be more stingy or sensual, depending on how they are used. I recommend a suede flogger that you can drape over and caress the skin of your partner, even a fluffy flogger that has soft fabric intertwined with the suede. And if it is used to flog the body, it can have a softer or more stingy sensation, depending on the type of leather or suede the flogger is made of.
Each person, each couple, chooses what they are comfortable with. Not all partners are comfortable with restraints, or spanking or flogging. My job is to let you know what your options are. You get to choose what’s fun for you!
Thanks for sharing this episode of Trystology Talk, Sex and the Empowered Woman. I’m your hostess Roylin Downs!
Until next time… Trystology, for Passionate Wellbeing. It’s okay to look!
For audio podcast downloads, see TrystologyTalk.com, or iTunes. A video version is also available on our YouTube channel at www.youtube.com/trystology/.
