Tag Archives: transexual

Gender Beyond the Binary

Hey there, Trystology here in celebration of National Non-Binary People’s Day!

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National what?!

Yeah! Happy National Non-Binary People’s Day! Words matter, and our use of them has vastly fluctuated throughout history. We at Trystology believe it’s time our language around sexuality follows suit! Words are powerful communication tools, and their meanings/our understandings of them shape our realities. For example, how do you define gender? How about manhood, or womanhood? Can you point to them? And what happens when your identification with gender expands past our already fragile societal norms and vocabulary?

Also, why is this blog post possibly our most important this year? I’m going to cut out of my normal writer’s voice for a moment to answer this first. People are dying, folks. All over the world millions have lost their lives to Covid-19, and even amid all of that loss and sadness we’re seeing more non-binary and trans lives lost due to ignorance than ever. It’s only July, and 2021 already accounts for more trans murders than all of 2019, and most are Black and Latina women. Even more lives are lost to suicide, and astoundingly more are ostracized from political, cultural, even medical representation.

This article is unapologetically about gender, and the language we use to describe it. Historically, we are more than ‘man’ or ‘woman’, or ‘male’ or ‘female.’ The word gender inherently surpasses society’s understanding of it, and we are here to discuss why the world, and the orgasm, extend past the binary.  

To our non-binary, trans, non-gendered, genderqueer, intersex community and more, we thank you, we welcome you, and we hope this article does you proud!

Binary, and Beyond!

It’s no surprise that as a bipedal species with two outward facing eyes, feet, hands, and ears that we would settle and find comfort with mere duality. However, the idea that there are only two neatly boxed up genders is a common and dangerous misconception. Always has been. Simply put, its false. For instance, Intersex folks have always existed and have been both ostracized and exalted in high societies and religious practices.

Non-binary is a term for those who don’t identify completely with “man” or “woman”, or “male” or “female.” Many don’t find home within these terms at all. Instead, some feel blends of both, some feel something altogether different, while intersex people are born with anatomical or reproductive systems outside of the strict male or female classification. Other terms for non-binary include genderqueer, agender, trans, non-gendered, and more. While none of these terms mean the same to everyone, they all speak to an experience of gender beyond male or female.

And even though non-binary is a new term, this experience has written historical relevance pre-dating the Middle Ages!

Practicing Proper Pronouns

Okay, so we know there’s more than male or female. We know. So how can we honor the experience of our non-binary family in society, culture, and the legislature governing both? Although we have a long way to go, we can simply start with the proper use of pronouns! Many who identify outside the already false binary prefer the use of they/them/their when being referred to in society. But how do we know when to use these pronouns? And what if we make mistakes?

In every article we’ve written about sexuality, Trystology has emphasized the importance of communication. The same applies here! Non-binary people are just people, and have been in our lives forever whether we’ve known it or not. In order to know how someone identifies, all we have to do is ask! Sure, this is a new conversation, but we are living within a time of revolution, transition, and change. Our courage now to respect one another and to empathize with others’ experiences can start with, “Hi friend, which pronouns do you prefer?” We then make the effort to respectfully adhere to the work an individual has put into knowing themselves. Will we make mistakes? Undoubtedly. But asking about pronouns is a way to grant visibility to those beyond the binary, and representation matters. Language has changed before, it’s changing again, and we will survive.

Questions Everyone Should Avoid…

Whereas open discussions aid society’s understanding of the non-binary experience, some questions are flat out rude, such as, “Have you… transitioned?” or “Do you still have a penis/vagina?” C N Lester, in Trans Like Me, speaks on this in a way that cuts right to the heart of the issue. Whether each of us knows someone openly non-binary or not, chances are good we all know a mom. When women give birth, we ask kind questions. “How are you and the baby?” or simply, “Congratulations!” The process of birth is intimate and unlike any other. It can be messy, painful, and complex. A mother may choose to describe her experience of labor to family member or friend, but for a stranger to ask how severely someone’s vagina tore giving birth would certainly be unacceptable and offensive… period. The same is true of asking about anyone’s genitalia. Not. Your. Business! And it’s certainly not anyone’s obligation to answer!

My. Family.

To pop out of my writer’s voice once more, I want to thank a specific member of my family for aiding in my understanding of this issue. Out of respect for them, they will remain nameless. However, in order to write this article properly, I asked them for a personal interview. I was honored when they agreed and was astounded at how much I too had to learn. Here are some points they shared with me.

They were identified as male at birth yet began dressing in women’s clothing from the laundry hamper in secret at age four. Pediatricians now estimate that children understand their gender and gender expression by exactly this age. For the cisgender folks reading, (those who identify with the sex they were assigned at birth), I ask you to imagine the mental toll of learning to hide your true gender from family and society so young. As a teacher, this breaks my heart. I’m happy to say that in their sixties, my family member has finally found support, a community, and safety within it. Home, you might say. And to this member of my family, I love you, I am proud of you, and I thank you for everything you have taught me.

At the end of my interview with them, I asked, “What, if any, advice would you give to the younger you?”

“I would tell them to go ahead and do what makes them happy.” They went on to say, “I’ve spent my entire life being what other people wanted me to be, you know? A real man, or whatever the hell that is. I took care of my kids financially, I had the nice house, you know. I’ve been there for my family when they were sick and stuff. But now it’s my turn. I finally feel entitled to make myself happy.”

I then asked, “What have you learned by having the support of your peers?”

Their emphatic response? “Be honest. I’m a firm believer that it may be hard in the beginning, but it will get easier as you go.”

I could hear in their voice that honesty meant much more than being open to others. It meant, first and foremost, gaining the comfortability and confidence to be honest with themselves.

Now for the Goods!

So finally… can non-binary people have sex? YES!! Non-binary, trans, intersex people and more have orgasms, and the biological make-up to do so. Just as most men and women navigate their orgasms differently, the same can be true for those who identify as non-binary. Here, family, are some of our favorite toys to rock, flaunt, and enjoy your beautiful selves!

The Toy Chest

Strap ons!

For the transmasculine community who haven’t undergone phalloplasty, strap-ons offer a great way to penetrate partners, and have been around for hundreds, yes hundreds, of years. Here at Trystology we offer a wide array from natural to spacey to honor every desired size, look, and feel. We also carry underwear style harnesses fit for a natural look, and perfect for packing! Strap-ons can suit transfeminine people as well. Estrogen therapy can take a toll on someone’s ability to maintain an erection and strapping up can provide a way to have sex while avoiding dysphoria or any contact with the genitals. For those who have undergone vaginoplasty, strap-ons can still be used the same way cisgender women use them today. No matter how you top, here’s a list of our top faves.

Let’s Vibe it Out!

Vibrators, specifically vibrating wands, are awesome for everyone. The reason? They offer a larger area of vibration that suits all kinds of genitalia. Wand vibrators do not require an erection and are strong enough to be used through clothing. Smaller bullet vibes can also be used for muffing, a sexual act stimulating the inguinal canals of transfeminine women.  

Rings and Things

Cock-rings, whether those that vibrate or those that don’t, can be used by both the transmasculine and transfeminine. For those undergoing estrogen therapy, the use of cock-rings at the base of the penis, or around the penis and testicles, can aid in maintaining an erection for a longer period of time. For those post-phalloplasty, vibrating cock rings can be used to heighten sensation to the back base of the penis.

Dilators

For our post vaginoplasty fam, dilators are a must, and it’s recommended to use them twice daily for up to fifteen minutes. This exercise will maintain surgical depth while healing from surgery, and can ensure the success of your procedure. Here’s our a list of medical grade, top of line dilators for you.

Off the Shelf

Without these amazing authors, this article would not have been possible. If you’re looking to understand the non-binary gender, a loved one, or yourself, here are the good reads we recommend.

In Conclusion…

I encourage you, reader, to look up the definition of gender. Its origin is sexless, and simply means “membership of a word or a grammatical form in such a subclass.” In laymen’s terms, the word gender helps us define parts of the whole. We are all parts of the whole. Black, Latin, Asian, White, Indigenous, L, G, B, T, Q, I, A, 2, and PLUS! Collectively we give breath, voice, and life to the rainbow of Earth. At least within this human experience, we can consciously choose to do so. The most courageous and important journey any of us undertake is the one toward self-understanding, and to that we at Trystology encourage all genders to flaunt proudly! As we brave making mistakes navigating this expanding world and vocabulary, let’s own those mistakes together. And if you’ve got a problem with that, we kindly ask you to… go have an orgasm.

Stand Up and Strap Up for Pride with Trystology!

June is Pride month, and here at Trystology we support our LGBTQIA+ community in celebration of everyone’s right to sexually express themselves without fear. And although Pride events cater to those who feel their sexuality may fall outside of the mainstream, this movement’s voice has inspired a global and united front to overcome prejudice by promoting self-acceptance and discovery. Ya know, light itself is comprised of a rainbow spectrum, and Pride month serves as a reminder to us all to embrace the fullness of our spectral, sexual selves! Thankfully, Trystology has you covered with this months LGBTQIA+ tips, high end toys, and tricks to proudly celebrate all month long. Strap up, folks, and here we go!

Let’s start with the history. The very first Pride Parade was held in 1970 to commemorate the Stonewall Uprising of June 28th, 1969, where N.Y.C.’s West Village gay and lesbian community bravely rose together to protest and fight against ignorance and police brutality. The Stonewall bar catered to New York’s marginalized queer community, a community vehemently outcast right before and after the New York City World’s Fair in 1964. When police raided the Stonewall, they were met with a clear message – the LGBT community didn’t want to be cast aside anymore. It’s with this sentiment that June has become a month of acceptance and celebration of individual uniqueness– biologically, racially, politically, emotionally, and yes… sexually!

You may be seeking clarification on the difference between LGBT and LGBTQIA+, and if so, here we go. The LGBT acronym stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender, but LGBTQIA+ includes those who identify as queer, intersex, asexual and anything in-between. Queer is generally used as a broader term for those who identify as non-straight, intersex refers to those whose sex is less defined due to genetic or biological differences, while asexuals seek an intimacy with life void of sex. Other terms often used include gender-fluid, poly, and “monogomish.” The fact is, no matter your sexual preference, regular intimacy supports a healthy immune system by naturally regulating cortisol levels to manage stress. As far as Trystology’s concerned, we all deserve the sacred pleasure our bodies have in store for us! So, from boas or candles for proud LGBT parents, to top of line intimate toys for any encounter, Trystology is proud to provide merchandise unique to however intimacy is defined by you!

And now… THE LIST!

P-Spot or G-Spot?!                                            

Let’s talk about it! Across the spectrum, men and women have intricate biology and pleasure centers. The prostate, or P-spot, is a small muscular gland that produces seminal fluid, and when stimulated anally or behind the testicles, can significantly increase the orgasms of cisgender men. The Grafenberg spot, or G-Spot, is located inside a woman’s vaginal wall toward the belly button, and as an extension of the clitoral network, swells when aroused. Stimulating these areas on partners can be exciting, ooh so fun, and beneficial to our overall health! Added bonus –Trystology carries tools and toys which double as G-Spot and P-Spot vibrators! So how and where do we begin?

Well, if prostate engagement is the goal, have you ever gotten lost only to find a back road home? To stimulate the prostate, we must journey to the magical, anal realm. The prostate is located inside the body, between the anus and testicles. For those new to the game, we recommend starting low and slow.

And if G-Spot engagement is the goal, think up and in. The G-Spot is engaged by a “come here” motion, and yes, is part of the clitoral network. Believe it or not, the clitoris is much more than the pea-sized button where the inner labia meet. The clitoris actually divides into two separate roots of nerves, usually about four inches long, coming together at the inner wall of the vagina. G-Spot engagement can cause female ejaculation for cisgender women while promoting vaginal orgasms.

This list of high end tools highlights vibration for anal or vaginal insertion to feel the buzz , inside-out!

A vibrating g-spot or prostate stimulator that moves back and forth to beckon you toward the absolute pinnacle of prostate pleasure, and thanks to its innovative WaveMotion™ technology, LOKI Wave™ is the ultimate pleasure product, curling in a beckoning, ‘come-hither’ motion for the most satisfying internal massage.
The 10 satisfying vibrating settings from two perfectly placed motors for simultaneous internal and external massage make it the perfect life-changing orgasmic experience.

In a world-first design, INA Wave is inspired by the caress of a lover’s fingers. It surges with a natural “come-hither” motion to massage your G-Spot or P-Spot while powerful clitoral/perineum stimulation creates a blended climax. Lose yourself in waves of uncontrollable pleasure.

Arc is made for exploring. Its bulb has a pleasant squish, with a beaked ridge for targeted vibes on the vulva or g-spot. Warm-up externally, then dive in! Arc’s handle has the perfect length and curve to give you just the right angles, without straining the hand or wrist. Enjoy different motions, like rocking, rotating, steady nestling, and sliding in and out.

The prostate orgasm is the biggest, most intense orgasm a man can experience, and the remote-controlled HUGO is perfectly designed to offer entirely new avenues of sexual satisfaction. With 8 settings and exclusive SenseMotion technology, HUGO is all set to become the play-partner you’ve been waiting for.

With rumbling vibrations that target both the prostate and the perineum, Vector leads the way to sensations that go beyond anything experienced before. Designed for comfort with an adjustable head and flexible base, Vector hits all the right spots. Vector is also 100% waterproof, and thanks to WeVibe’s Free Connect app, can be managed from anywhere in the world.

In 2012 Aneros introduced the Helix Syn™. Featuring the perfect combination of responsiveness and focused stimulation paired with the comfort and elegance of silicone, the Helix Syn™ went on to become the most popular hands-free male G spot massager in the world. Today we proudly present the Helix Syn™ Trident, the synthesis of our newest Trident series innovations with our most luxuriant velvet touch silicone yet. The Helix Syn™ Trident powerfully amplifies encounters with a partner, and takes solo exploration to the level of multi-orgasmic ecstasy.

Mini butt plug with an easy insertion tip. Base flares out for an easy to remove or keep in place feature. Offers 15 different vibration speeds for any mood or preference! 

Strap-up for Strap-ons!

Strap-ons and dildos can be the perfect addition to any couples play, and Trystology provides a spectral, high end selection! For partners seeking penetration without the penis, we have an array of comfortable harnesses, clitoris engaging bumpers, and dildos ranging from realistic to spacey. Whatever your size preference we guarantee to have what you need!

Calexotics made this harness for powerful play. The straps are easy and adjustable, and beautifully compliment this crotchless design. The ring diameter measures 2”, perfect for most dildos. This vegan leather product won’t disappoint!

The Bellaª couture lingerie harness creates a sophisticated and dramatic silhouette, with delicate lace, a cascading bow, and a peek of rear cleavage. It wicks away moisture and has two internal mini-vibe pockets that securely fit toys 1.25 to 2.25 inches in diameter. Sturdy and flexible, Bellaª will not lose its shape even with frequent use.

The Deuceª is a harness specifically designed for men. It assists in prolonging foreplay and maintaining an erection, and features a belt and adjustable leg straps. Its elastic O-ring expands and contracts to fit a variety of dildos and can also accommodate a mini vibe for additional pleasure. Included is a lightweight storage pouch with two pockets.

Shagger is Banana Pant’s newest dildo base stimulation cover! Inspired by the ocean Bumpher wants everyone to ride these waves of pleasure! Uniquely contoured, the soft succulent tips bend and flow with them, touching and titillating with every move. Cover the base with the Shagger for a ride of connection, sensation and stimulation. Without a dildo they can use as a manual stimulator alone or with a partner.

Long, smooth, and sleek. The Mistress dildo has multiple uses from vaginal to anal pleasure. Silicone dildo is made of premium silicone. Mistress vibe comes with a bullet vibrator that can be inserted in the base for extra stimulation. One of the most popular models by Vixen Creations!

Measures 6 x 1.25 inches

Though created for lesbians and guys who are female to male trans gendered, about 80% are purchased by heterosexual couples. Everyone is enjoying these Patented pleasure toys! Men with erectile dysfunction problems are using FeelDoe as prosthetics. Gay men have discovered that FeelDoe are ideally practical for solo play. One way or another, this fabulous invention is pleasing everyone worldwide!

Wands for the Wizard in You

Wands are long known ah-mazing tools meant for all types of sexual play. Trystology carries a spectrum of wands for her, for him, and for sharing. Some of our wands, like the Wand by WeVibe, are 100% waterproof, while others plug in with multiple attachments. If you’re seeking power, check out this list of favorites!

The most advanced (and powerful) cordless massager ever with playful attachments, responsive technologies and an ergonomic design that take it way beyond basics. Seamless intensity control can take you from 0 to 100 (and anywhere in between) with one touch. The one-touch control acts like a dimmer switch, keeping you in the moment without distraction. Wand’s ergonomic design, playful attachments and the We-Connect app make it the perfect fit for couples or you can keep it all to yourself for an epic night in.

Simple and Powerful. The Man Wand Xtreme is a stimulator kit designed for men and couples. Man Wand – Xtreme has two flexible flaps on the massagers head that can hold a penis of most any size while the textured silicone optimizes the vibrations and pleasurable stimulation.

The powerful vibrations of Man Wand can be enjoyed with or without an erection and users can customize their pleasure, taking full advantage of 3 powerful speeds and 5 scintillating patterns of vibration.

The Doxy is the world’s most powerful plug-in wand massager. Offering powerful vibrations that penetrate deep into the body, it’s extraordinarily effective when used as a body massager, or for intimate intentions. While many find themselves satisfied with the lower settings, the Doxy can reach up to 9,000 RPM: it’s the perfect tool for those who want the option to play hard and fast.

Doxy is the only wand massager with a controlled pulse setting. Taking the rumbly vibrations from low, to high and back again and at variable speed settings, it really adds a whole new dimension to your experience.

Please Be a Tease!

Along with our vast collection of power tools, Trystology carries many tools meant to tease and increase sensation during love-making. These tools can increase communication with a partner or loved one while ensuring sexy communication and exploration.

The We-Vibe Touch is a powerful clitoral vibe with 8 vibration modes created from silky-soft medical grade silicone. Body-safe and hypoallergenic, the Touch is free from phthalates, latex, and BPA. It is 100 percent waterproof, making it versatile and easy to clean with soap and water, and lasts for up to 2 hours on a single charge. Use only with water-based lubricants.

Ergonomically designed to target the prostate, the NJoy Pfun Plug delivers firm, controlled massage. Whether manually controlled or activated with the user’s own muscles in ‘hands-off’ mode, the Pfun Plug prods the P-spot with precision.

Thank You!

To our followers and clients, thank you for your courage to deeply love, appreciate and own the pleasure of your unique body. Without the LGBTQIA+ community, we couldn’t understand the vastness of pleasure available to us all. Everyone deserves to explore the intimacy inherent to them, and Trystology is here to support you along you journey, wherever it may lead.

Happy Pride!