Below is an email I sent out in late February 2024 for International Women’s Day, but since I never posted it to this blog, AND since the post is still valid and important, I wanted to reiterate its message.
As I woke up in the wee hours of the morning, which I’m prone to do lately, I couldn’t help thinking about Trystology and the significance of this month, especially with International Women’s Day approaching on March 8th. In these uncertain times, it feels more imperative than ever to celebrate and uplift women. As the International Women’s Day website aptly states, “when women themselves are inspired to be included, there’s a sense of belonging, relevance, and empowerment.”
From its inception 15 years ago, Trystology has been dedicated to the cause of Women’s Empowerment. This manifests differently for each of us, but at its core, it’s about elevating women and empowering them to assert what rightfully belongs to them: their bodies, their choices, their consent, and yes, their orgasms. I know, I know, I often steer the conversation back to orgasms, but it’s an undeniable aspect of our autonomy—our right to Own Our Orgasms!
Yesterday, as I sifted through my emails in search of updates on our favorite Bitches Against Bullshit t-shirts, a shocking discovery gave me pause. The owner of the company had become the target of harassment and shame for her unabashed and, in my opinion, brilliant social commentary. Lacey, with her unapologetic and mischievous flair, fearlessly speaks her truth. From the limited edition “Not Today, Mansplainer” Infused With “The Well-Earned Confidence of Free-Thinking Women Everywhere” to “Beach Please, I’M A MOTHERF’N MERMAID” and “All the Fucks,” Lacey and the Malicious Women Candle Company have won our hearts! Yet, despite her success, Lacey, like many of us navigating the tumultuous tides of 2023, almost lost her business due to the haters.
This International Women’s Day, let’s uplift women like Lacey who boldly speak their truth and refuse to be silenced. I am grateful for her refusal to succumb to the stifling dictates of conformity, advice be damned! I urge you to read her latest blog, “Dystopian Hellscapes: The War on Women,” a poignant reflection on the state of women’s rights in the United States.
As we commemorate International Women’s Day on March 8th, the theme of “Inspire Inclusion” resonates deeply within us. It beckons us to champion the inclusion of women and girls in every facet of life—be it leadership, education, or economic empowerment. Let’s pledge to foster a culture of understanding, value, and inclusion for women at both the individual and organizational levels. And as we embark on this journey of empowerment, let’s not forget the power of affirmations. On March 10th, let’s continue our empowerment journey with affirmations of self-love and worthiness. Embracing the powerful words “I AM” serves as a testament to every woman’s uniqueness, worthiness, and right to empowerment. Together, let’s forge a more inclusive world where every woman feels valued, heard, and empowered to thrive.
The AMAZING thing about this post was that I couldn’t know then that we would not be receiving any shipments of the Bitches Against Bullshit shirts in the coming months. Shirts that we had been sporting for the past few years… and that my customers started asking me daily “When are you going to get the shirts back in stock… I had no answer. They were SOLD OUT, and I wasn’t able to order them. Then in late August, when we had again had our 5th customer come in for the week… I wrote to Malicious Women and asked them “Can you help a girl out?” I told her “My customers are “bitches against bullshit”. We have an attitude, and love empowerment. And in this world we live in right now, this message NEEDS to get out!”
You won’t believe this, but Lacie, the owner, called me!
We are now the ONLY other store besides the Malicious Women Candle Company in Sonomish Washington who carry these AMAZING shirts, caps and candles! For this I am so grateful, as I’m so happy to be a purveyor of maliciousness to empower women to be Bitches Against Bullshit!
Roylin and Ryan in 2015 at the International Lingerie Show with Womanizer Air Pleasure Technology
Click on image to view Video
Because at Trystology, it’s not just a toy, it’s a relationship!
So many of you may be wondering “what’s the big deal”!?! Why would you want to Celebrate (emoji) Air suction Toys?!? When I was first introduced to the Womanizer… and then, as now, I hated the name! Though I understand that since it was born in Germany, the original name translated to “Casanova”… which would have been okay! LOL… but when Ryan introduced the air suction concept to me… and he and his business partner… both men… said it would give a woman an orgasm in 1-3 minutes, you have to understand that I was skeptical. Like you, I thought… REALLY?!?! I even think I asked them “how does it work on your clitoris?” They offered me a sample and the rest is history! It’s truly a special concept, that is worth celebrating… because when a toy like this works for you, it becomes part of your “relationship”! LOL ❤️ 😊
In the video I include here, I interview Ryan about the original Womanizer, and suggested that at Trystology, we would call it the “Kiss me there”. I told him “I had it on good authority, that the Womanizer worked. Afterwards, my husband asked me “It’s not fair that you tell them that the toy works, when you only used it that one time…”. I sheepishly smirked at him and told him I hadn’t JUST used it that one time when he knew I tested it. But I had tried it when he was brushing his teeth, and again when he was in the shower… and this morning before we came to the Trade show to do this interview! LOL… Yes, I did have it on “good authority” that it did in fact work… in 1-3 min!
Original Womanizer Tools
Womanizer Plus from 2016Womanizer Womanizer W500
So NINE YEARS!!! That’s truly something to celebrate! Having been in business 14 years, knowing that more than 2/3 of my time I have sold Womanizer and air suction oriented toys, is AMAZING! The toy, for the most part, has been such a universal toy, that most women, and those with clitoris’ have enjoyed the remarkable effectiveness of Air Suction Toys. There have been many a day when women come in to the store and say they’ve had challenges with being able to achieve an orgasm… and I point them in the direction of the Womanizer, and the Zumio… (that will be a different blog, but it’s coming!) One woman left with both… as many do, and called me 20 min later, after she arrived home, and said she wasn’t broken!!! She’d had her first orgasm in 6 months!!! She was elated! Another called me from the Mid-West, and asked me about the Womanizer Premium, but since she was having a procedure, and couldn’t have an orgasm, she wanted me to wait to send it. When I finally did, a few days later I received a call from her asking how to turn it off! I laughed after we hung up as I realized she had just received it and tried it! Made me smile!
The thing is… when orgasms can be so elusive to some women, it’s amazing when a tool like Womanizer, Satisfyer, Lelo or We-Vibe can give an individual an orgasm in 1-3 minutes, it’s truly something to Celebrate! (Emoji). I like to explain to people that the definition of an orgasm is “an involuntary response”, and that’s kind of how the Womanizer and other air suction tools work. They can be placed over the clitoris and they will do their thing… flickering air, and suction, and for a bit you might feel like “hmmm… not sure this is going to work”… and then all of the sudden, BAM! It happens… it’s not something we can will to happen. It just happens. And that’s why I recommend toys that have a drop sensation, or you can turn off immediately, or else you might throw that toy across the room. LOL 😝
Roylin and Ryan at the Womanizer Booth in 2017 at ANME Trade show
Click on Image to view video
Over the years, there have been a broad selection of toys that are marketed as “air suction tools”… so what exactly are Air Suction tools, you might ask? They have been marketed as tools that replicate “oral sex”. So to ME… they are subtle and gentle, with the flickering of the air replicating a tongue action, and the slight suction one receives during oral sex. DISCLAIMER: NOT ALL AIR SUCTION TOYS SEE IT THE SAME WAY! Ugh! 😩 So that is why Trystology and I have been VERY selective about bringing in air suction tools, as I don’t want anyone to “get hurt!”. LOL (emoji). I have had to test a number of tools that are not so subtle, and in fact felt that they could be too strong! And those tools have been from some very well known brands… which I will not name. Just know, that if I am not carrying it, there might be a reason… please feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions about that!
What do I tell couples and women who are looking at the air suction tools? Like all toys, I tell them not all air suction is created equal, and show them the difference between the flickering of the Womanizer Premium, which is more pronounced and deliberate, with its adjustability of the sensation, with the stronger, more assertive We-Vibe XXXX. I share with them how the Satisfyer Pro is a lower price point, but can be just as viable and effective as the Womanizer Premium, if they don’t mind that it’s got a different flicker, and I can show them how to utilize the unique On/Off switch to mimic the drop sensation of the Womanizer Premium and Duo. But mostly I tell them, that at some point, they really should try one! There’s really nothing like the sensation…
Newer Womanizer Pleasure Air Tools
Womanizer Duo 2Womanizer EcoWomanizer DuoWomanizer LibertyWomanizer Premium
Now, I know, not all people believe that they’d like it. They don’t think they need a toy like this… and that’s okay. But I also challenge them to try it. 5 times… not just one time. As our brain is our biggest sex organ, and depending on how your day went, depending on how stressed, or distracted you were, you might just not be in the “headspace” for that tool at that time. I had an employee who took home the Womanize Pro 100 I believe it was called. Beautiful Rose decorated version. She said “Eh… not sure it was anything special”… didn’t work. She gave it to you best friend, who sung its praises to the rooftops, and she had to buy another one just to “revisit it”. That product has been discontinued for years, but she’s such an avid fan for THAT particular toy, that I make sure if I find one, I send it her way!
So after all that, you can see why I, and Trystology, really feel strongly that we would like to celebrate Womanizer, and Air Suction Technology! We are so committed to this that we will have a Birthday Party for Womanizer… the champion who started it all… and have invited Ryan to Trystology, to celebrate the 11 years… He’s no longer part of the Womanizer family, but he’ll always be part of Trystology family! Unfortunately he won’t be able to join us, but we’ve decided to have the party still! So Please feel free to join us on Sunday November 5th, 2023 for champagne and cake to celebrate the history of Pleasure Air Technology and the lasting legacy of air suction tools!
Other Air Suction Technology Brands – Satisfyer & Zalo
Satisfyer One Night StandSatisfyer Pro 2 VibrationSatisfyer Pro 2 Vibration V3Satisfyer PenguinSatisfyer DeluxeZalo UnicornGolden Moments Kit with Womanizer Premium and We-Vibe Chorus
Remember, we have a philosophy of “an orgasm a day”… so whether it takes 1-3 minutes, as the air suction tools do, or you invest in a 30-50 min session with your partner… we don’t care. We just want you to have one!
Happy Birthday 🎂 🎈 Womanizer! We celebrate 🎉 🎊 you!
Happy June, Southern California! Multi-colored flags are blowing in the sea breeze, and it is that time of year again! Trystology is celebrating Pride in all of it’s glory, but this year, we want to do so differently. Instead of recounting the history of Stonewall (don’t know what that is?! Please look it up!), emphasizing proper pronoun use, or spreading the good word that orgasms are natural and healthy (goes without saying, right?), we at Trystology have a special thanks to give this Pride season. See, whereas the LGBTQ community has had to define themselves by using labels to break free from heteronormative language and society, the love represented by this flag knows no boundary. In a world full of madness, this flag waves as a beacon to all those looking to authentically love and be loved beyond the label.
And well… that’s great for all of us… and in our humble opinion, here’s why! 😉
Full disclosure, as a shop specializing in intimate products for adults, we know most people here in the US have hang-ups about their sexuality.
It’s a sad, but true, fact that we grew up with bunk information about sex – if any at all! And because orgasms, arousal, and intimacy don’t come up as typical dinner table conversations, many of us were left to answer our own questions behind locked doors, on the internet, or within inaccurate anatomy books! Worse yet, as we looked, we only found two labeled camps – his sexuality and hers. Each had a specific function that neither could cross, like some sacred lock and key! Meanwhile, all of this “hush-hushing” and bad information left a lot of us feeling guilt and shame about our bodies, our desires, and the pleasure hard-wired beneath our skin for centuries. And that’s not LGBTQ specific, this informational short-changing was bad for everyone!
Got questions? That’s great 🙂 There are resources and people here for you!
Now there’s no getting around it – historically, the LGBTQ community has faced persecution, insult, discrimination, violence and invisibility. On the morning of June 28th 1969, warriors at the Stonewall bar in NYC ushered in a new demand for equality, and one that now echoes every June worldwide. But with only about 8% of the population identifying within the LGBTQ umbrella, why has Pride become such a big deal for all of us, all over?
Our educated guess?
Beyond labels, the LGBTQ community fought for their sexual rights, their freedom, and their visibility – and by doing so, also fought for yours!
And in their fight, the LGBTQ community further exposed one of the biggest lies we tell our younger humans, and that’s this:
Man = Masculine vs Woman = Feminine
Wrong-O! Every human being is comprised of both masculine and feminine energies. To the heterosexual shifting in their chair right now, yes, this means you too! My male partner has many masculine traits, but he can also make mean curtains, which doesn’t impact his gender identity at all! Women like Becca Longo can kick the ever-living hell out of a football, and may just be the NFL’s first female kicker! She’s good at what she does beyond the false binary. Period.
Now, those last three innocent sentences I just strung together really put a smile on my face, and I hope they put a smile on yours. But not long ago, even those innocent statements would have raised eyebrows. It is thanks to the LGBTQ community for pushing boundaries, making room for all of us to confidently fit and identify – somewhere. The man who loves dresses, the woman attracted to her female best friend, and the non-binary person who didn’t fit the male or female checkbox aren’t marching for football or curtains. No, the they’re marching to love, be loved, and send a message – you are worth divine love too.
Since Trystology is a sex-positive haven for the community, we have one more big, BIG thank you to share. And O… it’s a big one 😉
THANK YOU FOR MAKING SEX BETTER FOR EVERYONE!!!!
Yes, community. Thank you for making sex better for everyone. You know what happens when an open dialogue starts? About anything? Empathy. Discovery. Growth. Vulnerability. Confidence. Healing. That’s what happens. And over the last 50 years, this dialogue has begged the question:
“What is my sexual preference?”
Lemme tell ya somethin’ right now. That is fucking revolutionary! Our grandparents never asked about this, and neither did a lot of our parents. Men were expected to be men, women were expected to be women, and anything outside of the realm of missionary was downright taboo. And women getting their orgasms?! Pshh, forget it.
This Shari Zinn Harness is stylish, study, elegant, and extremely well-made. The soft leather makes for a snug, confident fit without constant readjusting!
The introduction of, “What is my sexual preference,” was a seed of consent. This neatly wrapped question encourages exploration for those who don’t know how the receive pleasure, and relief for those who do! And that really amped up the sex world. Sturdy, well designed strap-ons became more readily available for everyone, including the hetero couples! Plugs became fun for all genders! The truth came out that if you’re alive, you’ve got pleasure beneath your skin. And better yet, your pleasure is uniquely yours to discover.
The Lovense Hush is without a doubt one of the best vibrating anal plugs on the market. The size and shape provides a luxurious feeling of fullness, while the Lovense motor does the rest. Lovense products have a strong vibration, so this power plug promises to get you there again and again.
(Now, pro-tip. Don’t just go out your front door today asking the world about their sexual preference… No, no. That’s rude. Remember – your discovery is your own to share with whomever you see fit, and that goes for everyone else too. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, people, looks sexy on everyone!)
In closing, one more shout out for the LGBTQ community! We know we’ve said it a lot, but we just won’t stop.
Thank You!
Thank you for being who you are, and giving the world consent to do the same. As human beings, we all cover a vast spectrum of talent, ingenuity, creativity, intelligence, and yes… sexuality. No one person out there is exactly the same as you, and none of us are the same today as we were yesterday. As we continue to grow as a society and world, may this banner wave, and may we all have pride to love beyond labels.
Welcome back, Trystologists! May is here, spring has sprung, and summer is just around the corner!
To our dedicated readers, we know it’s been a while since our last post, and we’re going discuss why. See, we’ve been changing, shifting, and taking some much needed time to assess our mental well-being. There’s not much of it left, but May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and Trystology has a question for you…
How good are you at receiving?
Big question, right? We receive a lot as a collective on any given day. Most of us get mail, compliments, criticisms, internet, phone calls, texts, commercials and streaming daily. Perhaps in 2022, many of us “receive” too much! But is this the kind of receiving we’re talking about?
Not at all. What we want to know this:
How are you at receiving intimate pleasure, and how does that behavioral function show itself in other areas of your life?
If you’re a care-giver, people-pleaser, or really struggle to set healthy boundaries, you may have just spit out your coffee… We get it! Receiving pleasure is a common struggle, especially if it’s something you don’t feel you deserve. And that thought can be sneaky as all hell! It’s so sneaky, in fact, we may not even realize we struggle to receive until, (oops!), a partner wants to give us oral pleasure! Or maybe a big show of affection makes us feel crippling guilt and stress! Or perhaps, when it comes to sexuality and intimacy, asking for what we want feels so impossible because we don’t know how to trust, or truly be vulnerable.
Sounding familiar? Yeah… well, guess what? Us too! Again, this shit is common and sneaky. And before you continue reading, let us say this.
There’s nothing wrong with you. In fact, say it out loud right now, “There’s nothing wrong with me!”
Good… Take a breath. 😉
Now, it’s admittedly difficult for any of us to take care of our mental health in a world of so much distraction, or find time to be “in the mood.” I consider life to be a full-contact sport. All of us want to play the field, but how can we be in the game if we can’t keep our eye on the ball? And where’s the ball? Well, I think the “ball” is this present moment. Welcome to it.
Sometimes, when we find ourselves back here, we enter the present only to find the messes we left last time we visited, then run out as quickly as possible. But guess what? Our pleasure, our pleasure, deserves more from us. Sometimes we’ve gotta check in and clean house, so here are three tips we hope help along the journey.
The Art of Receiving: How to Own Your Orgasm and Mental Health
Finding the Fantasy
Here in 2022, many of us are stuck in the quick orgasm loop. I’m certainly not saying consistent orgasms aren’t good for the mind, body, and soul, because here at Trystology we’re all about owning our orgasms, and inspiring others to do the same! But beyond the physical cocktail of the human orgasm exists the fantasy, the feeling – the deeper script.
So what do I mean by being stuck in a loop? Well, many of us, when fantasizing during self-pleasure, rely on scripts of polarity to get there fast then be on our merry way. In other words, the raunchier, the better. Whereas there’s nothing wrong with however you fantasize, what if we took more time to really ask ourselves what we crave, then gave ourselves to permission languish and basque in a present moment with ourselves? What might we find by receiving pleasure more intentionally?
I can say from experience this exercise is notably difficult for me. Being present with my body, even in pleasure, can bring up memories I’ve practiced avoiding. Vulnerability can be terrifying, but it makes for necessary space to let go of the things that weigh us down. A great friend once told me, “Our minds and spirits bounce around from past to future, while our bodies are the only extension of ourselves truly trapped here in the present moment.” They were right. When our stress levels sky rocket, our hearts take the beating. When we’re not paying attention, bumps and bruises pop up. Pleasure helps bring us back here, eye on the ball, back in the game!
Getting Off , by Jamye Waxman is a great place for any female to explore what receiving pleasure means for them. It’s full of tips and tricks, along with helpful diagrams and illustrations. Looking to explore? Get yours today!
Even though this exercise of consistently checking in with my body, specifically my fantasies, brought challenges, I quickly started to see how I sacrifice my own pleasure in other areas of my life. A lot of the time, I just accept discomfort. Blindly. No question. For some of us, discomfort has been such a common occurrence, it almost feels safe… or predictable, at least.
WE’RE HERE TO SAY YOU CAN CHANGE THAT!
Your imagination is powerful, people. You can use it to receive pleasure in a variety of ways, starting today… so what’s holding you back?
True Consenting Adults
So now you’ve spent some quality alone time. Now what? You want to share with your partner, yet still feel uncomfortable, nervous, or flat out scared. Here’s where true vulnerability comes into play. Many of us view consent as, “Partner, may I please ______,” followed by a simple, “Yes.” This is a great place to start, but as our sexualities unfold and develop over time, this ask can start to feel shallow and robotic.
Eventually, each of our unique “consents” deepen, and carry with them attachments to feelings and trust. What is everyone’s major sex organ? Our brain! Arousal starts there for everyone! So how can any of us practice receiving pleasure from partners if we’re battling major fear or anxiety, while possibly even suffering silently?
By using our voice. By being vulnerable. And by telling the truth.
Playing Well With Others, by Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams, is a great guide for anyone looking for a walk on the wilder side. Great writing, honest accounts, and truly helpful hints.
Will this always a clean or painless process? No, but only because you’re getting out what has caused pain for so long. I have personally experienced anxiety ridden intimacy for most of my life. It’s only in the last few years of my life I’ve gained the courage to say, “I am afraid. I’m afraid I’m not enough, and I don’t know how to let go. I don’t know how to receive pleasure.” Sex, or the option to have sex, would spin my mind so hard, I felt I had to assume a whole new character to transform into my “sexy self.” That’s a lot of pressure for many people who are new to receiving pleasure! So share your struggles. Share how you are feeling, and work to trust yourself and your boundaries enough to let go.
Pleasure comes when the static of panic and stress fade. Believe, go slow, and be kind. Set up moments throughout intimate time with your partner to take breaks and check in. Let them know your goals – that you want to be present and learn how to receive. Address anxieties or fears as they arise, and allow your partner to physically be there for you. You may be delighted by the response!
“But what if I’m single?!“
Great question. Practice showing yourself every ounce of love you crave! Be the best to attract the best. By choosing to receive pleasure in your life, you actively teach the world how you wish to be treated. So don’t hold back!
REPEAT!
Step three is nothing new, but it may be the most important of these steps. Repeat! Practice! Commit! Because here’s the truth – many of us struggle with to receive pleasure because we were deeply hurt. To every reader, if this includes you, I am sending you all of my love right here and now. Trust is not easy. Your life, however, is worth your healing, worth your pain, and certainly worth your pleasure!
Is everything going to improve right away? No. Will it be easy all the time? No. But will you start to notice your life getting better? Yes, you will. You’ll see yourself just as deserving of pleasure as everyone else!
The Come As You Are, book and workbook by Emily Nagoski are extremely helpful for those of us who need a little nudge. This beautifully presented package encourages participants to honestly admit how they see themselves now while working toward a better future!
Here at Trystology we encourage you to view receiving pleasure, abundance, and safety as your birth right! Because it is. Our sexualities reflect deep aspects of our being, and when we learn to advocate for our own physical pleasure, we open ourselves up to say yes to more of what life has to offer.
Eat that bowl of cherries, whoever you are! 😉 We think it looks great on you!
Ever heard the old saying, “Age is just a number?” Well, sometimes yes and sometimes no, right?
Welcome back to Trystology Talks, friends! In this article we’re exploring sex and aging – the facts and the myths, all while recognizing the unique journey each of us has walked. Some of us have adventured further along this path than others, and although it can be difficult watching ourselves change and transform as the years roll on, aging is something sacred that unites us all. Our wrinkles represent our pasts, and whether those wrinkles signify our children, our scars, our smiles or our pain, (or all of the above), they’re proof of the paths we’ve walked, and stories we’ve lived. So, does this aging mandate a specific time and place for a sorrowful goodbye to our sexual selves or intimate desires? Do we have to lose our mojo as we age? Simply put, not if we don’t want to!
Now, is there anything wrong with choosing to let it go? Not at all. But as we said before, we all have a unique journey within the skin we’re in. Some may feel completely satisfied without sexual desire in their lives after a certain point while others feel drawn to further exploring their sexuality until they bid they’re last farewell. Either way is perfectly fine, but our goal in writing this is to empower you with good information to choose for yourself!
No matter your age, your body is your first home. It is not separate from you, and fuels whatever life you choose to live. Please love it for everything it is, everything it does, and everything it has allowed and continues to allow you to experience. You. Are. Worth. It.
Always.
So let’s get down to brass tax. What happens to the body and our sexuality as we age?
Beyond age, even gender, the truth is we all share the same primary sex organ. The brain. Is it just a sex organ? We know, no. It orchestrates all bodily function, including aging and regulating our sexual organs.
As our brains age, certain hormone production slows, and that’s all part of life. Let’s face it – we don’t need to reproduce for our whole time here. This is why women experience menopause and men experience lower sex drive. But our ability or inability to reproduce need not dictate our choice to have orgasms as we age! The human orgasm is a cocktail beneficial to the body throughout our lives. Yes, it can boost the immune system. Yes, it can produce hormones providing easier access to joy and happiness. And yes, it can combat high cortisol levels throughout the body, lowering systemic stress, even relieving pain.
So what’s normal for each gender regarding sex and aging?
Women
Women can go through many changes as they age since their unique physiology is designed to house and birth life. A woman may experience changes in her vagina, which can shorten, narrow and become more stiff as the vaginal walls thin, especially if there has been a longer break in sexual activity. Whereas this may cause some painful intercourse, there are ways to navigate this. First, we at Trystology always recommend a water based lube, like Sutil Rich Body Glide, partnered with a simple vibrator. Even if you’ve enjoyed years of partnered bliss, the vibrator can act as a tool to help move lubricant up and around the vaginal wall, encouraging more supple tissue within. This practice can lead to less pain during intercourse, and honestly, boost your confidence that girl… yes you can still have an orgasm!
The Dame Arc is a perfect tool to re-awaken delicate vaginal tissue within. Sex and Aging Tip: Please use a water-based lubricant for insertion. We recommend Sutil, for it also contains hyaluron, the same component in hyaluronic acid that helps rebuild the skin’s surface… just within the vaginal canal 🙂
Also, many women at some point in their lives have either a partial or total hysterectomy. This can mean part of the uterus, the entire uterus, or the uterus and fallopian tubes and ovaries are removed. Does this mean the vagina is gone? No. The clitoris? No. Pleasure centers still exist, and whereas there may be some hormonal changes for sure, this doesn’t mean the end of a fulfilling intimate life with a partner, or solo. If this means hormone therapy for you, you may notice a surprising increase in sexual drive, and this is 100% normal. Our suggestion is with lube and a vibrator, get to know your pleasure centers again with confidence, and don’t write off pleasure if your body is craving more! And please, if these methods don’t work for you, consult your doctor to see what’s possible!
Men
Yes, as men age, some performance issues can arise, (and pssst, that’s normal and okay!). Impotence can be a very real struggle for men, and not just sexually. It can impact a man’s confidence and the way they view themselves throughout their daily lives. Herbal supplements or medications can prove to be helpful, but our first suggestion is this – have the courage to get to know your body again. Some men benefit from using rings, commonly known as “cock rings,” to restrict blood flow within the penis, aiding in longer lasting erections. Some rings also provide vibration to the perineum, which stimulate the prostate from the body’s exterior. Vibration on the penis itself can help with arousal, often times best if low and rumbly. Also, to keep a healthy p-spot, men can use toys designed to stimulate the prostate internally! We know this method isn’t for everyone, but can really boost your overall prostate health and the quality of your orgasm.
The We-Vibe Vector is a perfect tool to explore sex and aging in men. It provides different sensations on the testicles and perineum while adding constriction to the penis – and for the brave of heart, the testicles too!. The entire mechanism vibrates, giving pleasure to any partner looking to saddle up.
Similar to women, some men require surgeries as they age, specifically procedures known as prostatectomys. This surgery is performed to remove the prostate all together, but again, this does not mean a fulfilling sexual life is no longer within reach. If you have questions, check in with yourself first. If the methods stated above don’t work for you, ask your doctor! Theres simply no shame in scheduling an appointment to boost your overall ability to love the skin you’re in.
Our Non-binary Fam
Like I said at the top of the article, sex and aging unite us all. I’ll be frank – the information regarding aging within the non-binary community is specialized. I want to encourage each of you to love the body you’re in, and I want to provide good information for you to do so! This knowledge is admittedly outside of my wheelhouse, but I did find some great information for you to review! Please check out this pdf full of great info, and let us know what you think.
Great question! When anyone goes without intimate pleasure for a period of time, whether that’s two weeks, a month, or multiple years, the body and mind can enter a state of sexual hibernation. This may make the idea of sex seem uninteresting, or just out of reach completely. While this hibernation is a normal response to lack of sex, it can cause rifts in our minds and within our relationships. Does this mean we have to give up? No. We can always come back to our sensual selves, it just may take some effort! In our youth, we are often driven by our sexual needs, and as we age, especially within long-term relationships, we sometimes need to transition from being driven to driving by choice. There can be slow and sweet ways of going about this by simply adding more intimacy into our relationship. Intimacy doesn’t mandate sex – ever. Intimacy for you could be holding hands more often, enjoying walks together, kissing, even snuggling. Re-establishing physical closeness can be a crucial element of keeping our love alive!
To everyone out there, young and young at heart, thank you. Thank you for reading, and thank you for exploring the ways you can love the skin you’re in, no matter your age. Regardless of where we are along this journey of life, its important to check in with ourselves to determine what’s right for us in any given moment. Along this path of sex and aging, we wish you luck, love, and pleasure.
As always, we at Trystology encourage you to Own Your Orgasm! At every age 😉
To stay up to date, please follow us on Instagram @Trystology! We’re here for you, and welcome your feedback, questions, and support!
It was the stuff of dreams, and so long ago I only remember pieces. Embraces here, sighs there, hands on the crook of my hip, all followed by myriad feelings and ah-ha moments I’m still grateful for – freedom, shared self-respect, joyful consent, and a deep recognition of human beauty which surpassed anything I’d felt before. I’ve grappled with how to say this for years, probably because I’ve feared the shame of sharing, but truth be told the experience made me better! I became a better lover, more compassionate to myself, and more empathetic to the love other couples share in and out of the bedroom. This recognition of beauty opened my eyes to the intangible energy of beauty that exists within us all. So if you’re curious about whether or not a threesome is right for you, Trystology is here to help!
Now, is everyone’s first intimate, multi-person experience like this example? No, and that’s exactly why we’re using it to kick off this March 3rd, National Threesome Day! (And if you cocked your head to the side reading ‘National Threesome Day,’ yes, it’s a real thing and we didn’t make it up!) There’s a lot to demystify when it comes to the world of multi-person play of any kind. So in light of the day, Trystology is here to hopefully give you helpful tools to navigate turning this fantasy into reality, realistically!
I think it’s only responsible to include a disclaimer here:
Having threesomes does not make you better or worse at sex, more or less experienced, and certainly not more or less sexy! It’s simply an experience we can choose to take part in, or not! No one moment in any of our lives define us. A close friend reminded me just today that life is a long, complicated journey, taking many twists and turns, highways and detours. The whole painting makes us who we are, and we’re always free to add more paint! So please, read responsibly. Here at Trystology we value sex positivity in all its expressions, and believe us, it’s a vast spectrum! Our goal is making you feel safe, sexy, confident, and beautiful within the skin, heart and mind you inhabit. Do you need a threesome to get there? Absolutely not! But if you feel a threesome is right for you, read on!
Ah – one more thing. Yes, Trystology is full of sex educators of all kinds, but we’re just humans striving to live life on our terms the very best we can. This comes from a few perspectives, and doesn’t claim to speak truth to everyone. Take what resonates and leave the rest! YOU know you best!
Alright, let’s dive in… what is a threesome?!
I wish I could provide a clear cut answer to this question, but the truth is, I can’t. I don’t mean to disappoint, but here’s why. Yes, we can agree the term threesome involves three consenting individuals, but does this necessarily mean nudity or intercourse? Well, no. As we begin exploring dream threesomes, I think it’s important to acknowledge that multi-person play can happen in a variety of ways.
In her book The Ultimate Guide to Threesomes, Stella Harris writes that especially if it’s your first threesome, “it can be a great idea to start small. There doesn’t need to be nudity or genitally focused sex acts for a threesome to be fun.”
We highly recommend this book to anyone looking to create the threesome right for them!
She makes a great point here! Our seasoned readers know all too well that true intimacy surpasses the physical act of sex! It involves establishing safety and trust, knowing our bodies, setting our boundaries, and establishing great communication to truly allow ourselves the brain space to receive pleasure. Can a threesome include all parties participating in intercourse? Yes, but couldn’t it also manifest as an intimate massage? Snuggling? Strip games, or simply making out? Yes, yes, yes, and yes!
The Safety of the Set Up
It’s always first, isn’t it? The fact is this can be a really big decision requiring planning and patience, but can also happen on a whim! And even though many of our fantasies include this out-of-the blue rendezvous, we are here to inform you that the random hook-up is rare, people! It just is. I think many people feel that if there’s too much planning involved the sexiness fades, when that certainly doesn’t have to be true! Where there’s a will, there’s a way, so trust your gut. Here’s how we recommend doing this safely.
First, communication is key.
There are lot of reasons to have a threesome, and many reasons not to, so please marinate on this for a while. Some great reasons to seek a threesome could include living out fantasies, trying something new with a partner or friend, meeting new people intimately, or even confronting jealousy or possessiveness! However, threesomes can’t fix what may feel like a broken relationship, and should never be used as a form of revenge. Our sexuality is precious, and when we are injured or injure others within this realm, the hurt resonates deeply and can carry on for many years. When done with integrity, the joy can last for just as long. Our tip? Make sure you’re sound in your decision and that all parties involved are game.
Second, allow yourself to trust everyone involved.
Here in 2022, there are many great sites to plan hook-ups like Adult Friend Finder, Fet Life, and 3Fun, or you could party with people you already know! However, when seeking your dream threesome, ask the questions that are most important to you while allowing others to do the same. What do I mean? I’m so glad you asked! Let’s say you’re in a relationship and looking for a third to horizontal hokey-pokey. Are you okay with your partner kissing someone else? What is their comfortability with you doing the same? Are you looking to invite a man, a woman, or someone non-binary? Which positions have you pictured in your fantasies? Knowing what’s comfortable and what isn’t is vitally important here!
If you’re single, how do you see the threesome of your dreams? Do you want to know these people after the deed, or are you simply looking for the experience by itself? Get specific! Write it all down! And let yourself fantasize! I’ve said for years that sex is wonderfully weird. I’ve had some straaaange sex dreams that left me waking up, craving pizza. All I’m saying is the flow of our thoughts is unpredictable at best, but very informative! Listen and tune into yourself to find what works for you without shame or guilt!
Last, use protection and don’t feel weird asking potential partners about their sexual health.
Need some condoms? We’ve got you covered! Lovability condoms are made from high-quality, long-lasting latex, and the packaging is great!
There are ways to conduct these conversations with kindness. You could start by opening up about your own sexual health, and go from there! We feel comfortable speaking about our health in every other way! The truth is, stigmas surrounding sexual health keep people in cycles of either catching STI’s or judging others who have them all because they lack good information. Save yourself the stress – ask and share.
Minding Manners
Believe it or not, this topic is so incredibly vast, multiple thick books and articles have been written about it. This is just one more in a wide sea of information, and we still highly suggest reading from some pros, like Stella Harris! That said, let’s talk etiquette. And guess what… we’re talking about honesty and boundaries!
Yes, lovers, your honesty is an aspect of basic politeness.
In order to achieve the threesome of your dreams, honesty is crucial. How can you expect honesty from a group if you’re not showing up honestly yourself? Every successful threesome story I’ve heard involves all people getting their needs met, and that doesn’t happen by magic. Discussing our needs, fantasies, hard yeses and clear no’s can play into the sexiness and success of great threesomes! Also, whatever boundaries you and your partners set need to be respected at all times. Everyone’s major is sex organ is their big, juicy brain. If that brain doesn’t feel safe or respected, it’s a no-O-go! (See what I did there?)
The greatest joys of threesomes come when all involved are comfortable and relaxed! Provide snacks and beverages, negotiate how to take breaks, and make comfortable space! This extra time and courtesy can yield true partnered ecstasy, great orgasms, and maybe some great snuggled sleep! Like anything else, if you’re hosting, we urge you to be a good host! If you’re a guest, be a great guest! Some light food, beverages, and great music are great ingredients to get the night going.
Lastly, should we expect the threesome to be perfect?
Should we expect to have the greatest orgasm ever, and if we don’t, deem the experience a huge mistake? No. When we start discussing multi-person play, I personally believe we should emphasize sensuality over overt sexuality. There’s an element of trial and error to any first intimate encounter, so of course there will be when another person is added to the mix. Whether we’re talking sweet caressing or steamy, more time-consuming BDSM, a threesome can be quite the experience! We should feel free to revel in all parts of it. Feel each other. Luxuriate in each other by recognizing that you are a part of beauty itself. Then joyfully recognize, so are they.
Do Unicorns Exist in Real Life?
Yes they do! This guy may not be the usual suspect, but who knows! Stella Harris defines unicorns like this: “Generally, any third in a threesome scenario. Initially coined to refer to an attractive bisexual woman who would join a couple to fulfill their fantasies while not having needs of her own, and who would then go her own way. Termed unicorn because such people don’t exist.” A lot to unpack here, but this definition gives us a lot of important information to go off of.
Unicorns are people with needs too!
I think it’s important Harris defined unicorn in this way. Many seeking a dream threesome as a couple think their unicorns won’t have needs of their own, or that their role is limited to giving the couple the pleasure they crave. Consent reigns as the ruler of all sexual encounters, and a threesome is no different. Everyone is there, everyone deserves the pleasure of the moment! Fair, right? Right. Now, are all unicorns looking for an orgasm? Not necessarily. Just like threesomes are difficult to clearly define, the roles of unicorns can be too. Really, it’s whatever consenting adults agree to.
Another important point – do all threesomes have a unicorn? NO! Sometimes three people can just agree to have a great time! I think the name of the threesome game is expanding your view of sexuality, and enjoying the ride!
So how did my snowy night end?
Wonderfully, all because of how it began. I was blessed to have amazing partners who ensured comfortability, respect, sensuality, and safety. By the time we were finished, we all giggled and snuggled sweetly. I can’t speak for them, but the threesome almost felt like an out of body experience. It was as if we were dancing in the stars. Was it hot? Hell yes! I didn’t worry about my imperfections once, which came as a shock. Deep down, I still thought I had to be enough for good sex, or to even be considered attractive. I compared myself to every person I considered beautiful, and always felt just out of reach. Almost enough, but not quite. I didn’t yet realize great intimacy could be available to everyone! Two incredible human beings changed that for me. I’m thankful for their gorgeous selves and souls to this day. Their support, sweetness, and loving willingness to play actually changed my life. Since that night I have loved my body and spirit more by judging them less. You know who you are, and I will never forget you. I send you silent smiles often and hope you receive them, only to find yourselves smiling out of the blue.
Good luck out there, lovers! We at Trystology wish you safety, joy, acceptance, beauty and a very Happy National Threesome Day! Something to note – other than defining the term unicorn, this article was intentionally written to be genderless. The threesome of your dreams won’t be the same as others, but we all experience intimacy, touch, arousal and fantasy. May we all revel in the skin we’re in! Period!
Curious about what else we’re up to? Follow us on Instagram! @Trystology
Hello readers, and welcome back to Trystology Talk Valentine’s edition, part two! We are kicking off Valentine’s weekend with a list of our Top-10 Toys, so if you’re new,lucky you!
Trystology started this “Month of Love” with a simplechallenge. You were all invited to somehow prioritize yourselves every day for two weeks, all to prepare for authentic time spent with the ones you love this Valentine’s Day! Our question? How did that go? Would you say it was… easy?
If you did we’re jealous, because prioritizing ourselves wasn’t easy at all! Life moves fast and the truth is, in order to have quality alone time, we have to make it. There were days my only quality time was a thoughtful cup of tea. However, I also found pockets of time throughout the week where I could set time for myself more often. Easy? No. Worth it? You bet! So in light of our collective “ah-ha” moment, we have an idea!
This may sound bold, but after all this quality time reprioritizing the relationship with ourselves, Trystology wants to re-invent Valentine’s Day!
Maybe instead of roses or chocolates for just one day, we could dedicate time to ourselves whenever possible, (especially in February), to better appreciate those closest to us year-round. And yes, we have the ability to make that process sensual! Life is so multi-dimensional, and when we stay connected to ourselves, we can connect honestly with the ones we love! It is feasible to live our busy lives, and introduce romantic escapades, quality time, and even toys to our partners with fierce confidence as ourselves! It’s simply all about making the time.
And here’s a little secret – when we know what we like alone, we’re better equipped to excel in partnered bliss!
So here it is, the wait is over! We proudly present Trystology’s Top-10 Toys, and wish you and your partner quality time… together!
You may be asking why we started here. Does it vibrate? Nope. Mandate penetration or aggression? Also noooooo! Bondage is all about taking something away to heighten something else, and yes, this comes in varying degrees. It requires consent above all else, because bondage is meant to aidin vulnerability as opposed to ever causing harm to another individual. And whereas flogging, restraints, ball-gags and blindfolds can seem scary, the true benefit of these tools isn’t defined by how brutally they’re used. The measure of their benefit exists within the deep intention of their use.
As a quick example, let’s explore blindfolds! When we blindfold our partners, or allow them to blindfold us, we invite a heightened level of focus to our sensual experience. The human body is so attuned to knowing our surroundings that when one sense is removed, or hindered, the others heighten! Blindfolds, and other bondage tools, can give couples the opportunity to reconnect and rediscover each other, sweety with some spice so nice. Here are our favorite sets, but we also sell blindfolds galore! Take a browse.
I’d like to ask delicately if you’ve ever been in an intimate position that was… um… difficult to hold? Perhaps, unsteady? Maybe kinda awkward? Well, we all need some cushion for the pushin’ sometimes, and Liberator products are here to save you! We picked the Liberator Wedge Pillows as #2 on our list because of just how much comfort, control, and depth of sensation they provide couples by positioning them comfortably. These pillows are specifically designed to support backs while lifting the goods! They come in cute designs, they’re discrete, they’re strong, super durable, and they help!
#2 Top Ten Toys
Honestly, just please get one! Please! You will not regret it, we promise!
One of the hardest questions any of us get in the shop is, “What is the best toy?!” The question usually accompanies hopeful eyes. The truth is we all have a different answer because every body is unique. To us, vibrating toys are defined by their type of vibration. As our long-time readers know, not all vibration is created equal! It’s just not. Some rumble, some buzz, some flicker, and all feel great to different people! Hot Octopus products sport a both rumbly and fast vibration all at once, and their Atom Plus does not disappoint.
#3 Top Ten Toys
This tool provides restriction to the penis, vibration to the testicles, and equal vibration to anyone enjoying the ride! The silicone is beautifully made, and my favorite part of this tool is the width of vibration for that cowgirl in you! Even though the Atom Plus is classified as a “cock-ring”, it’s perfectly designed to vibrate the entire clitoral network of the rider.
We-Vibe products always find a way into our top recommendations for good reason! Their silicone is supple and smooth, and the vibration varies from low to strong seamlessly. We put the Moxie at #4 on our list because of how flirty it is! Looking to be a tease, or just teased? The We-Vibe Moxie snaps onto the panty-line with a durable magnet. Once in place, pull up those big girl panties and buzz around! You can keep the remote for a sneaky self-pleasured day, or surrender the controls to someone you love!
#4 Top Ten Toys
If you’re craving a fun date night, and have or love a clitoris, this toy turns up the heat for a steamy night’s end.
Trystology Tip: While not all women require clitoral stimulation to achieve climax, most do. And not for, like, a few seconds either. The fact is, it takes a lot of women up to 40 minutes of stimulation to have an orgasm, and tools like this, teasing like this, can help clitoral companions get there faster!
We’re talking booty, boo! Ah, the Aneros Syn V. Full disclosure, if we were making a list strictly about anal play, men’s health, or orgasms by direct prostate engagement, this tool would be #1. The Aneros Syn V is designed to vibe directly on the prostate by way of the anus. The silicone is smooth, yet hard, for a steady, strong vibration that won’t quit.
#5 Top Ten Toys
But Trystology… aren’t there implications to finding anal stimulation pleasurable? What if I’m… straight?
Well, it’s one thing if anal play isn’t your thing, but men find internal stimulation pleasurable because there’s a lot of nerve endings down there, period. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with it! Better yet, internal stimulation with the prostate can cause much more intense orgasms for men while ensuring a fully emptied prostate. Health!
So nice, We-Vibe made it on Trystology’s top ten toys twice! The We-Vibe Tango X is a very versatile tool. It has a rumbly vibration that goes from a steady low to a decent high. The glory of this tool is not in it’s crazy power, however. Rumbly vibrations penetrate the skin, pleasuring deeper nerves, so the Tango X provides pointed vibration for full body chills.
#6 Top Ten Toys
It’s also one of the longest bullet vibrators on the market. It’s a ‘choose-your-own-adventure’ bullet, and we approve!
The Rianne S Plugs made #7 on our list for all the right reasons! Even if this type of play makes you squeamish, please read!!
In our humble Trystology opinion, plugs don’t get the credit they deserve, but we understand why! This type of pleasure can seem really intimidating at first! I’ve said it in previous articles, and I’ll say it again… I don’t know you, but say you were standing in front of me, minding your business peacefully. Then, out of nowhere, I lunged at you. I guarantee your sphincter would pucker! Don’t act like it wouldn’t!
When we are afraid, we tense! And anal play, when done incorrectly, can be incredibly uncomfortable. However, when done correctly, (by ensuring trust, consent and optimal arousal, using lube, relaxing, etc), anal play can take any sex life to the next level! These plugs made our top ten toys list because they can stimulate prostates just as effectively as they can stimulate g-spots!
#7 Top Ten Toys
Rianne S. uses very soft silicone, and provides sets to steadily graduate the size of your plug if you want, and at your pace. They also offer gold metal plugs, allowing more advanced users to explore internal pressures and temp variations. And they’re so cute!
Here at Trystology, we completely understand the importance of finding a good harness. Strapping up can be so fun, so empowering, so intimate, but if the harness isn’t secure and comfortable, fully embracing your sexy self can be tough. So without further ado, we introduce the Joque Harness to our top ten toys list!
#8 Top Ten Toys
At #8, the SpareParts Joque Harness ensures the security you need for the passionate play you crave. The O-Ring is interchangeable, giving the wearer options regarding dildo sizes. Our favorite part of this harness is the sneaky pocket, perfectly made for bullets or vibes, so the wearer can give and receive.
We can’t say enough good about VixSkin products, and since they’re here at #9, we’re thrilled to tell you why. The silicone used to create VixSkin dildos is supreme! These products are smooth yet sturdy, and beautifully shaped for thoroughly enjoyed fullness! And that’s not all…
#9 Top Ten Toys
Sure, a nice, realistic dildo is great, and this company creates many, but they also create products on the wild side… and this is important! Let’s face it! Some people love penises, real in all of their splendor, and others don’t! We picked this beautiful Tie Bright design to showcase a beautiful dildo that doesn’t take itself so seriously! If you’re looking for fullness, a smooth feel, and some delightful fun, the Maverick Tie Bright is one of our favorites!
#10 – An Authentic, Well-Taken Care of YOU!
#10 YOU!
We know this last one is cheeky, but authentic love requires all of you! Even if no toys ever make their way to your partnered or un-partnered bedroom, your creativity, desire, and presence will always belong to you. We at Trystology encourage you to foster relationships which encourage you to cultivate, renew, and remind yourself of the love you crave, and the life you strive to lead! This especially includes your relationship with yourself! Share that authentically!
“But Trystology, we’re busy!” Yeah, yeah, we are too. We’re not saying that here in 2022, it’s simple to make time for ourselves, our partners, or our passions. We’re just saying it’s necessary. So this Valentine’s Day, give the gift of time. Time to yourself and those you love doesn’t happen by magic. Like all things in life, these things happen when we plan for them. So plan to live a smile-worthy life! And start today!
Oh… and please, please make time for your orgasm. Own it! Self-love is the gift that keeps on giving, and Trystology wishes you and your partner abundance, joy, connected intimacy, and a very Happy Valentine’s Day!
Trystology would like to say a special thank you to AVN!!!!
AVN, (The Adult Video Network), has nominated Trystology as 2022’s Best Boutique!! In the NATION!! We don’t know how well you know the industry, but this is a HUGE HONOR!
First, congratulations to our very own Roylin Downs! None of this is possible without you, and you have uplifted your staff along with your community. You’ve changed our lives, enabling us to give the love you teach. Thank you, Roylin <3
And to our loyal customers, new and old, this really isn’t possible without you! We strive to give you the best only as a reminder that you deserve the best. Because you do, in all areas of your life! But only if you believe it.
We know you’re worth it, always! And we love you, Valentine! <3
The kind within, not without. You’ve just been invited to a self-love treasure hunt!
“Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.”
Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
I know writers have written about love for centuries, but these wise words from Paulo Coelho jumped off the page when I first read The Alchemist. They immediately sparked the thought, “Pssst! Yes, excuse me, but… has anyone seen my heart?! I need to find my treasure… now!!”
And it’s always right where I left it… on the inside.
Trystology Talk is back, and here to ring in this month of L-O-V-E with a Pre-Valentine’s Day self-love treasure hunt!
Your challenge, if you dare to accept, is no simple task! Team Trystology invites you to join us as we relocate, recalibrate, and renew our hearts to properly assess how they’re functioning and impacting our lives.
Our goal?
To love authentically!
And look, I’m not saying the way you love now isn’t wonderful! I’d imagine you’re like most of us – great sometimes, while lacking others. That’s normal! However, the better we assess our own emotional needs, the more understanding we have of ourselves and others. We learn to love deeper. Isn’t it true? Anytime we deeply look into ourselves, we recognize just how complex this human experience really is. In all that vastness, you too deserve love. Behind your eyelids, you deserve your own love.
Sounds great, I know… but what is love?!
(Baby, don’t hurt me!… Look, you’d think it if I didn’t write it, and if you don’t get it, enjoy your youth…)
Theoretically, I’m not qualified to answer this question. Scientifically I’m not either, but the emotion of love is primarily governed by the brain chemical, oxytocin. Oxytocin is produced upon orgasm, yes, but more specifically, it’s also the chemical that makes us feel attached to our friends, families, and partners. It combats stress by regulating cortisol levels in the body, proving a happy life is in fact a healthier one too!
Remember, though, we said challenge, and in order to find our treasure, we have to look within.
Isn’t it interesting how much our minds wander, from the past to the future, while our bodies and hearts remain restricted by this present moment? Sometimes we get caught in the race of life and forget we need our own attention too! Our health and well-being depend on it!
So, your challenge is this:
Go to your calendar, you’re embarking on Trystology’s Self-Love Treasure Hunt!! For the next 14 days, you must do something for yourself and OWN IT! Every. Day. It could be a bath. Perhaps a meditation or a yoga routine. Maybe it’s a walk, or a quiet moment to enjoy a hot coffee. Could be a song, or a new playlist dedicated to yourself. We recommend including time to self-pleasure! Whatever resonates with you, (and feasibly makes sense as an addition to your life), set reminders on your phone to follow through, all the while keeping your intention clear. This time is meant to ask yourself what you need right now, without judging the response.
I know this self-love treasure hunt isn’t easy, because on January 15th, Trystology began a 21-day challenge highlighting our gorgeous, and my new favorite, Chakrubs collection. These authentic crystal tools vary in shape and design, and benefit anyone seeking an intentional and natural addition to their sensual lives. Chakrubs features the discrete Slim, the full Original, the powerful Curve, and one of the oldest passion products known to women – the yoni egg.
Chakrubs genuine gem products come in nephrite jade, rose quartz, amethyst, black obsidian, quartz, and rhodonite. They are only safe when inserted vaginally, but can comfortably remain inside of the body for multiple hours. Once in, the egg acts as a weight for the vaginal wall to both squeeze and birth. They add intention to meditation, and make for a pleasant, gentle reminder to do your Kegels! (<— Mayo Clinic link, and worth a read!)
Trystology tip, please don’t disregard!: When seeking your yoni egg, or any crystal products meant for internal use, please find manufacturers who guarantee safety. Some crystals and stones are porous, leaving room for bacteria to grow. We provide Chakrubs tools because they’re ethically sourced, and made for internal pleasure. Just check their FAQ’s!
I’ll be honest – this challenge has been harder than I thought.
All of the Chakrubs products have an optional journal, and each prompt is deep. For instance, right here and now, what are you birthing into this world? Or this – what most often keeps you from accomplishing your goals? And maaaybe those are simple for you, but as a mid-challenge report, I’m frustrated how difficult it is to prioritize time for myself! But I’m also hopeful. Slowly, day after day, I am getting closer to my treasure.
Stay tuned for our final challenge updates. In the meantime, turn your internal compass toward your heart, and walk with us. Again, set reminders on your phone to do something for you. It might not be easy, but it’s worth it.
Happy Hunting! Treasure awaits!
For updates on the challenge, please follow us on Instagram!! @trystology
Welcome back! Trystology here to celebrate National Sex Toy Day! Yes, November 4th is actually National Sex Toy Day across the nation, and we assure you, this isn’t just an excuse to sell toys. Honestly, the toys do that for themselves. To us, National Sex Toy Day is an opportunity to encourage everyone to further explore the skin they’re in… because they deserve to!
In fact, have you ever asked yourself why this store exists in the first place?
Well, community, for those who don’t know her, and even for those who do, allow us to introduce our fearless leader, Roylin Downs! As a business owner, real estate professional, mother, wife, and incredible example of how to live a full and happy life, she constantly inspires all those who work for Trystology to reach for the stars. Oh, and yes… she actually lives by the philosophy of having a daily orgasm. And whereas sexuality has always been a passion of hers, toys are a newer addition to her life than you might think!She, like many others, was curious about using them, and liked the idea, but what if someone saw her purchasing a toy? How would she face the embarrassment of walking into an uncomfortable store? And what would people think?!
Statistically, the chances this resonates with you are very high. Seriously! We hear it all the time. And this is where we, as a collective, come face to face with our overarching discomfort with how we got here in the first place! I’ll try to whisper this softly, as not to offend…
SEX! SEX! SEX!
You. Are Here. Because. Of SEX! But societally, we don’t really want to talk about it. Least of all, give ourselves open permission to enjoy the creative process sex can provide, which one can surmise, may be one root of why ANY creation in our lives labeled “worth while,” must involve ultimate struggle and stress in order to validate itself. Doesn’t make a lot sense when you think about it, does it?
But why?
Historically speaking, it could be for a lot of reasons. Trauma? Sometimes. Lack of understanding/inner-standing? Usually. Suffering from bad information? Almost always. To toy or not to toy confronts our discomfort with sex, or bigger yet ourselves, head on. And for this holiday, we want to let you know this – more than having sexual organs, you have a nervous system! Think of your nervous system as the body’s general manager, and then think of what happens when your boss is grumpy 24/7. Do you like going to work under these circumstances? Probably not… (And if you do, you might be into some lovingly painful play! Let’s just say we have an entire section of our store just for you!)
Jokes aside, our brains and nervous systems do a lot! They keep us alive, and deserve a break every so often. Pleasure, whether it be a smile, snuggles, laughter, a warm bath, or a great orgasm, is essential to a life well lived. In not discussing our sexuality, we negate the importance of consent, and the grace of knowing what we like and what we don’t! After all, orgasms are actually good for you. Same as broccoli, or walking, or having healthy relationships can benefit a life in moderation, so can pursuing healthy and safe sexual pleasure. The biochemical composition of orgasms can help combat depression, boost our immune systems, and increase our everyday confidence! But no one feels shame about eating broccoli, so what’s the deal?
I digress…
Once upon a party, Roylin purchased her first toy.
She wasn’t comfortable entering the typical sex shop, but felt fine attending a party amongst friends. To her surprise, she wasn’t the only women there who felt this way! Statistics show many women still have no clue what their orgasm even feels like, if they’ve had one, or how to replicate the few they’ve had! We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again, everyone’s major sex organ is their brain, and in order to orgasm, that GM must give the body permission. However, vibrators and other toys can quickly bypass the system, allowing our unique orgasms to reveal themselves. Rumbly coaxing, if you will. This realization, that so many women feared, dismissed, or felt ashamed of their pleasure, was the driving force behind Roylin’s creation of Trystology. Twelve years later, it exists as a monument and zocalo for all people to revel the skin they’re in.
Now, are we saying that in order to orgasm, you must have a toy?
Not at all! In fact, if toys just aren’t your thing, yet you know how to get yourself there in other ways, more power to you! We support that! But if you’re still wondering how to get yourself there, or want to spice things up, toys can be incredibly useful and fun. And you shouldn’t feel any guilt or shame for authentic desires you have, so long as consent is involved. Our goal here at Trystology is simply to provide you with options and tools you might not have thought of.
Now what kind of National Sex Toy Day would this be if we didn’t suggest a couple of beginner and user friendly tools to practice with?
This month we’re highlighting We-Vibe’s Tango X, and the Zalo Bess!
The We-Vibe Tango X is one of the best toys to boost anyone’s big moment.
It was designed to be just a bit longer than other bullets, and has a unique rumble that permeates deep into the skin. As a little side note, not all vibration is created equal. Some toys have a high, buzzy vibration, while other have a lower rumble. The higher, buzzy toys stimulate nerves on the skin level, but toys with more bass penetrate the skin. So because this bullet has a more rumbly vibe, it’s perfect for prostate stimulation, g-spot play, and a full body teasing. The vibrations are not too intense, either. We Trystologists classify this toy as a medium vibration. To toy or not to toy? This is a great first purchase to figure that out for yourself.
Zalo Bess is a store favorite, and very popular with our female clientele!
Bess has two motors – one for a pinpointed clitoral stimulation, and the other to power a discrete dildo on the opposite end… did we mention it’s gorgeous!? We recommend this toy as a starter due to it’s incredible versatility, and it’s undeniable benefit as a couple’s toy. Bess comes with three separate attachments for the clitoral side – a small silicone cap to spread the surface of vibration, a nipple stimulator, and a g-spot wand. It has a low, medium, and high level of vibration along with a pulsing, waving, and steady setting. Looking to spice things up? This tool is about five toys in one, which is precisely why we highly recommend it for anyone looking to explore. This tool works well with water-based lube, or oil. Please… no silicone lube on this baby. She’ll break!
In short, ‘to toy or not to toy’ is not why Trystology exists…
Trystology is here, and will be for years to come, to provide safe space and permission for all looking to explore their pleasure by owning their orgasms. That general manager within, our brain, does need stress relief. And however you find it, we hope you remember to smile all while loving the skin you’re in. Our bodies are not meant to be judged, shamed, bullied, or worked to the bone. They are our homes, and will be for our entire lives. Trystology tip – enjoy every moment you can. You’re so worth it. In case you forget, we’re here to remind you again and again!
To our community, we love you, and thank you for making this place possible. May we all feel blessed and deserving of the beautiful skin we’re in!
“We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.” – Lily Tomlin
Yep. Lily Tomlin. Wise gal, we think. And to celebrate National Orgasm Day, we at Trystology are here with oodles of reasons why #OYO, owning your orgasm, can support a fuller, healthier, and happier life for you and the ones you love! Or maybe just like. Or… make those less than favorable slightly more tolerable. You decide. Read on, the satire has only just begun.
We’ve discussed it before, but for those new to the news, orgasms are great! There’s just no doubt about it. They produce a unique cocktail in the body that relieves stress, supports the immune system, and most importantly, encourages a positive self-image.
Thing is, your orgasm belongs to YOU!
No one else feels it, experiences it, or has control of it. Certainly, partners can, and hopefully do, relish in your experience, but the nerves are yours, and we encourage everyone to have the nerve to explore themselves without shame, guilt, or fear. That said, sometimes this is easier said than done. Shame, guilt, and fear are monster emotions that can take over any occasion, private time included. Perhaps you’ve been there, and maybe you haven’t, but a busy brain can be a real buzz kill. There’s more too. The brain is EVERYONE’S primary sex organ. So, what can we do when the brain goes… a little off the rails?
The easy answer? “A little self-love goes a long way!”
O-kay, but shut up already!
We get it! “A little self-love goes a long way, everyone!” We hear it, constantly. Everywhere. This sentiment has even fingered its way into commercials via advertising these days. But we’re not selling paper towels here, people. We’re talking about that sweet, sweet O. That horizonal hokie-pokie. That no-no in the uh-oh. That… okay, I’m embellishing. But has our popularized advertisement of ‘self-love’ made it a farce? A sell? Some utopian fantasy that moves consumerism forward?!
Take a deep breath. Not exactly… lets go back to basics for a sex… I mean sec.
They key to loving yourself is knowing who the hell you are. And this doesn’t happen overnight. This happens throughout life, folks, which as every adult knows, involves suffering, not perfection. It just does. If you disagree, you’re probably young, or an ostrich. Maybe a unicorn, I’m not sure. Either way, come see me. Let’s talk, because all of us, sometimes, have a real shit day. News flash, we’re allowed to! And whereas orgasms aren’t solving world peace, (and imagining some politicians in the act absolutely horrifies most), they can relieve headaches, keep us healthier and more tolerable, intimately connect us to our partners, and remind us that some shit storms really are followed by a rainbow.
Imagine this…
Tomorrow morning, you wake up to your dream vehicle just waiting outside for a test drive. Who drives it first? Your neighbor?! I sincerely hope not. I hope you drive it, and enjoy every curve of the road, beam of the sun, and wind in your hair. Well, our bodies are just vehicle, and one more miraculous than any piece of steel out there. They’re exquisite. And before giving anyone a ride in or on these skin suits, we should know how they handle, what they like, what they need, and how to keep them humming along these backroads of life.
Here’s a hint.
If life is the road, communication is the fuel. But you can’t communicate what you don’t know to be true, especially when it comes to your body and bits.
For vagina owners, where’s your g-spot, and how do you like it stimulated. Not sure? Take that baby for a spin! It may be a longer road-trip than you expect, so pack up the lube and take it away. Some navigational advice for those who don’t have theirs mapped out, which is completely normal for women of any age, it’s one to three inches in the vagina, up towards the belly button. Steady come here motions work well here, so hydrate for the ride. Clitoral stimulation can help here too, but how does yours like to be touched? Here are some of our favorite exploratory tools to pack for the journey.
Deep in penis possession? How does your body achieve its strongest climax? If you’re not sure, have you found your prostate? If it’s flat out not your thing, that’s fine, but inviting Mr. Prostate out to play could really change your game. Just like the g-spot, it’s about three inches into the anus, and reaching it solo first could be just the secret you want to spill. How about your perineum. Know about it? It’s the patch of skin behind your testicles, and if anal play is a strict no, another road to prostate engagement. Rumbly vibes, pressure, or simple licking can do the trick! Below are the tools we find essential for the trunk.
In a world turned upside down, we think self-exploration, self-knowledge, and knowing your orgasm is time well spent. Truly. At the end of the day, your body is your vehicle to manifesting whatever your heart desires in this world. So today, strap on the do not disturb sign. We at Trystology won’t judge, and it can just be our little secret.
