Category Archives: Uncategorized

Trystology’s Hunting For Treasure This Valentine’s Month!

The kind within, not without. You’ve just been invited to a self-love treasure hunt!

“Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.”

Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

I know writers have written about love for centuries, but these wise words from Paulo Coelho jumped off the page when I first read The Alchemist. They immediately sparked the thought, “Pssst! Yes, excuse me, but… has anyone seen my heart?! I need to find my treasure… now!!”

And it’s always right where I left it… on the inside.

Trystology Talk is back, and here to ring in this month of L-O-V-E with a Pre-Valentine’s Day self-love treasure hunt!

Your challenge, if you dare to accept, is no simple task! Team Trystology invites you to join us as we relocate, recalibrate, and renew our hearts to properly assess how they’re functioning and impacting our lives.

Our goal?

To love authentically!

And look, I’m not saying the way you love now isn’t wonderful! I’d imagine you’re like most of us – great sometimes, while lacking others. That’s normal! However, the better we assess our own emotional needs, the more understanding we have of ourselves and others. We learn to love deeper. Isn’t it true? Anytime we deeply look into ourselves, we recognize just how complex this human experience really is. In all that vastness, you too deserve love. Behind your eyelids, you deserve your own love.

Sounds great, I know… but what is love?!

(Baby, don’t hurt me!… Look, you’d think it if I didn’t write it, and if you don’t get it, enjoy your youth…)

Theoretically, I’m not qualified to answer this question. Scientifically I’m not either, but the emotion of love is primarily governed by the brain chemical, oxytocin. Oxytocin is produced upon orgasm, yes, but more specifically, it’s also the chemical that makes us feel attached to our friends, families, and partners. It combats stress by regulating cortisol levels in the body, proving a happy life is in fact a healthier one too!

Remember, though, we said challenge, and in order to find our treasure, we have to look within.

Isn’t it interesting how much our minds wander, from the past to the future, while our bodies and hearts remain restricted by this present moment? Sometimes we get caught in the race of life and forget we need our own attention too! Our health and well-being depend on it!

So, your challenge is this:

Go to your calendar, you’re embarking on Trystology’s Self-Love Treasure Hunt!! For the next 14 days, you must do something for yourself and OWN IT! Every. Day. It could be a bath. Perhaps a meditation or a yoga routine. Maybe it’s a walk, or a quiet moment to enjoy a hot coffee. Could be a song, or a new playlist dedicated to yourself. We recommend including time to self-pleasure! Whatever resonates with you, (and feasibly makes sense as an addition to your life), set reminders on your phone to follow through, all the while keeping your intention clear. This time is meant to ask yourself what you need right now, without judging the response.

I know this self-love treasure hunt isn’t easy, because on January 15th, Trystology began a 21-day challenge highlighting our gorgeous, and my new favorite, Chakrubs collection. These authentic crystal tools vary in shape and design, and benefit anyone seeking an intentional and natural addition to their sensual lives. Chakrubs features the discrete Slim, the full Original, the powerful Curve, and one of the oldest passion products known to women – the yoni egg.

Chakrubs genuine gem products come in nephrite jade, rose quartz, amethyst, black obsidian, quartz, and rhodonite. They are only safe when inserted vaginally, but can comfortably remain inside of the body for multiple hours. Once in, the egg acts as a weight for the vaginal wall to both squeeze and birth. They add intention to meditation, and make for a pleasant, gentle reminder to do your Kegels! (<— Mayo Clinic link, and worth a read!)

Trystology tip, please don’t disregard!: When seeking your yoni egg, or any crystal products meant for internal use, please find manufacturers who guarantee safety. Some crystals and stones are porous, leaving room for bacteria to grow. We provide Chakrubs tools because they’re ethically sourced, and made for internal pleasure. Just check their FAQ’s!

I’ll be honest – this challenge has been harder than I thought.

All of the Chakrubs products have an optional journal, and each prompt is deep. For instance, right here and now, what are you birthing into this world? Or this – what most often keeps you from accomplishing your goals? And maaaybe those are simple for you, but as a mid-challenge report, I’m frustrated how difficult it is to prioritize time for myself! But I’m also hopeful. Slowly, day after day, I am getting closer to my treasure.

Stay tuned for our final challenge updates. In the meantime, turn your internal compass toward your heart, and walk with us. Again, set reminders on your phone to do something for you. It might not be easy, but it’s worth it.

Happy Hunting! Treasure awaits!

For updates on the challenge, please follow us on Instagram!! @trystology

Your Orgasm, Your Pleasure… OWN IT THIS YEAR!

To all of our readers, followers, clients and friends, Trystology wishes you a joyfully kind, abundantly healthy, and sensually loving, Happy New Year!! 

Trystology here, as always, to encourage you to find the pleasure you deserve in your relationships, bodies, and lives throughout the new year! With 2021 in the rearview and 2022 ahead, how can we inspire the world and ourselves, even having gone through such awe-striking shifts? We are all people changed, yet we still can find ways to smile and enjoy our lives. Jobs are different. However, joy and heartache together make deeper capacities for love!

Here’s the thing… I think there’s a reason Trystology has succeeded through this pandemic. By encouraging people to find the pleasure they deserve!

I think we’ve exposed a wide community to self-care on levels we never thought possible. We all know so… we’ve seen it! We’ve seen women tear up, made non-binary people feel beautiful. All of us have had amazing conversations with great couples while empowering individuals and families. Trystology connected with a non-profit organization who resonated with us, (The Coalition For Family Harmony! We love you!), and we went Live on Instagram together! We’ve truly moved a needle very few organizations are able to even budge… at all! 

We are all, also, a group of women who share, dream, and create together. All while recognizing the feminine power we hold for each other. 

I somehow want this blog to be about empowerment and manifestation, and how a sexual practice, whether alone or partnered, can be a creative and effective way to manifest the life you want! 

I know times can feel tough, but collectively, this is what we at Trystology are doing for our community, isn’t it? And it’s working. We are for real… touching lives in very crazy times. 

The world is becoming exposed, because guess what?! We should ALL feel free to express exactly who we are! And know deep aspects as gems for ourselves too. That these don’t have to be separate things!

We have so much to celebrate this year. And somehow, we want our community to be encouraged to make the same magic in their lives too.

You know, I’ve never personally been a fan of resolutions, but in honor of this year, we pose one.  Own your orgasm this year!  Seriously! Own it!!!

This past year has been a lot for any brain to take on – and if you’ve followed us for any time, you may know that the brain is the biggest sex organ!

Not the genitals…  An orgasm is a unique reflex governed by the brain, expressed through the genitals, that releases a unique cocktail of dopamine (pleasure, desire, motivation), oxytocin (the bonding hormone), prolactin (satisfaction), and vasopressin (pain relief). Once climax is achieved, the brain itself slows down, and we’re left happy, sleepy, and relaxed. This cocktail also combats cortisol, our body’s alarm system made by the kidneys to help us run from danger.

What causes too much cortisol these days?

Stress!  Overwork!  And Judgements we might carry with us… from whatever source you trust… So our advice is to make time for YOU! Self Care, and self pleasure!  Here at Trystology we promote an orgasm-a-day. Are we saying regular climaxing is a fix all? No. But give this a try:

Find a quiet moment alone. Close your eyes, and see yourself and the fully realized you, then see if you can use your orgasm to become more and more of that. Make it a practice, and see what happens. Because we’re here to tell you this – beauty, wealth, success, blah, blah, blah – those things don’t validate you, or make you sexy. Authenticity, and perhaps a little self pleasure… that, however, does.

As you encourage yourself to find the pleasure you deserve this year… come as you are.

Take a look at yourself, and say proudly, “I am the only me! The same creative force that made mountains, oceans, stars and trees made me! And deep within me, that same creativity pulses. I am the Queen of my body, or the King of my soul! I own my orgasm!”

Wear the skin you’re in proudly, and let it become your home. Know, deep within, that superficiality does not validate you. Your heart, soul, uniqueness and owning your pleasure does.

To our regular readers and shoppers, thank you. Without you, none of this is possible! 

Shout out to our vagina owners!

Trystology is hosting a 30 day challenge to further encourage you to find the pleasure you deserve this year!

This may look like a quail egg, but it’s not. It’s one the oldest vaginal tools in the world, called the yoni egg, one of the many products created by Chakrubs. The yoni helps keep the vaginal wall tight, which in turn, strengthens our orgasm, while others have penetrative girth. The challenge, if you so choose to take it, is to use these gorgeous crystal tools  to encourage you to find the pleasure you deserve throughout the new year! It’s a personal 21-day devotion to self. Take a deep dive into the comprehensive four-phase workbook developed by Founder Vanessa Cuccia, designed to support you in making your Chakrubs practice a habit that enriches every area of your life.

Create a deep, transformative relationship with your Chakrub, awaken your erotic potential and be supported by practical tips like how to introduce yourself to your Chakrub, different ways to energetically cleanse your Chakrub, how to ask for and receive guidance from your Chakrub, internal and external massage techniques, and more! 

Please follow us on Instagram! The challenge starts January 15th, so stay tuned there, and get your Chakrubs while supplies last!

The Many Loves of Polyamory Explained

Welcome to Trystology Talk, where we shamelessly discuss sexuality in all of its expressions!

This month we open the roundtable to polyamory!

November 23rd is National Polyamory Day, and this hot topic has many thrilled, and others flat-out scared and confused. In 2021 we’re seeing celebrities from Bella Thorne to Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith proudly claim their polyamorous natures, sites dedicated hook-ups, and a portion of our society bucking against the societal norms of “traditional” marriage and partnership… which for some is incredibly uncomfortable. But why? And of course, what is polyamory, and what is it not?

If you’ve followed this blog for a while, you may know I’m a fan of words and their meanings, so let’s break down the word polyamory before we dive any further…

Poly-amory is literally defined as many loves, hence the title The Many Loves of Polyamory Explained.

It’s important to note the absence of the word “sex” here. I say this because our society often times hears polyamorous as synonymous with sexual deviancy, irresponsibility, or something inherently sneaky, which couldn’t be further from the truth. Whereas there’s no one way to be poly, (and there’s certainly no one right way to do it), the world of polyamory requires communication and consent above all else. It may surprise you to know polyamory requires its own ethics – a deep knowing of self, and a willingness to explore the individual ownership of our complex emotions, needs, and desires. Sounds healthy in comparison to the general assumption, doesn’t it?

Side note, I think it’s important to highlight one more thing before we expose the goods.

This blog is dedicated to shamelessly giving everyone the permission to enjoy the pleasure of their human experience. Beautifully so, we all share different expressions of this “being-ness.” This article is not written to convince the world that all people are poly, just as this blog is not written to convince anyone they’re gay, lesbian, bi, trans, queer, heterosexual, asexual, male, female, or non-binary. These articles are written to expose our community to the vastness which makes us human. Period. My personal fascination with human sexuality is rooted in a deep awe of our collective ability to create something out of nothing.

To me, sexuality encompasses ultimate creativity. Viewing it as such has allowed me to see, know, and love aspects of myself and my own creations with more honor, respect, and compassion than I ever thought possible. It’s to this end we write, we educate, and we present Trystology as a safe space for everyone. That said, let’s carry on.

We’ll start by taking a more fluid approach to another word – commitment.

This word can feel limiting and triggering for many of us, for adult life requires a lot of it. We commit ourselves to our work and bills. We commit ourselves to our families and friends. If someone has done something society deems wrong, they’re committed, just as traditionally partnered couples can be committed to one another. But because of the binding vibration we feel when we hear this word, as like so many others, we tend to avoid our true understanding to what we are personally committed to doing, accomplishing, and succeeding in our lives. To quote an extremely well-written sentence from The Ethical Slut, “People can make commitments to each other in numbers greater than two.” Our commitments, just like our desires, vary and are vast and many.

Yes, for some, the commitment of love and sexuality authentically surpasses monogamy, and may add a third partner, a fourth, or a general openness to a greater community. Sometimes this multi-relationship status is completely void of sex, primarily focusing on the intimacy of emotional connection. For some, sex is seen as a friendly past-time, like shopping or grabbing coffee. Others see relationships as hierarchal and actively maintain their primary relationship while engaging sexualluy in secondary relationships on the side. To add to the mix, triadic, (party of three) and quadratic, (party of four) relationships involve long term commitments with a greater group. These are all expressions of polyamory, making this particular term immune to singular definition.

The lingering question is how can this possibly work?

Even for our monogamous crowd, I ask you the readers to count how many intimate relationships exist within your partnership. If you’re coupled, you may have said two, yours to your partner’s, and your partner’s to you, but we’re here to challenge that. Even in traditional coupled partnership, four relationships exist, ie A-B, B-A, A-A, and B-B. To be less cryptic, our partners have a connection with us, we have a connection to them, yes. But each partner also has a separate connection to themselves. We even experience this in our closest friendships! And this fact becomes paramount within any polycule for some major and important reasons! Navigating these waters is exactly why polyamory requires communication and respect, while owning what belongs to ourselves independently!

Remember, polyamory simply means many loves, and in light of many loves, we must face self-love as an integral aspect of our lives. Why?

Well, let’s talk about jealousy, and our collective harsh judgement of this particular emotion.

“They’re just jealous,” is a common validating term we say to ourselves to self-soothe while degrading others, when there’s nothing so simple about this emotion! Jealousy is a natural expression, like anger or sadness, that isn’t bad or good. It just is. And when we experience it, we can either allow it to overcome our entire being and close us down, or we can take it as the presence of a teacher perhaps exposing something our being is craving to overcome. As with all things in life, do we own it, or allow it to own us?

Jealousy in polyamorous partnerships comes up, just like all other relationships!

It just does. This is why communication, consent, and boundaries are so necessary to achieve partnered bliss. When we experience jealousy, it usually comes with some friends, namely shame, guilt, blame, and denial. This fun mental party we’ve all experienced is, sorry to say, a natural teacher who will continue teaching us until we decide to listen or completely shut down. Poly couples commit to openness around this emotion. Instead of villainizing jealousy, they choose to embrace it together, challenging all partners to grow into a deeper understanding of self, and the struggles of humanity we all inevitably face.

Poly couples also commit to conflict resolution in order to keep vulnerability safe and sacred.

None of us are perfect. If you’ve read previous articles, you may know I view ‘perfect’ as one of the worst words in language today. Conflicts come up! But what do we do with them when they occur? And how do we honor our feelings without destroying another person’s confidence or the opinions they’ve constructed along they’re own life path? Personally, the people I love most in this world are also the ones I’ve fought the most. Not to say I seek a fight to validate my love through fights! At all! But if I have the confidence to fight a loved one, it’s usually because I care enough to do so, and feel safe enough to share what’s actually on my mind.

When maintaining multiple partnerships, this level of vulnerability becomes crucial. We all have bad days. We all struggle with certain things. Intimacy, above all else, involves a general acceptance of this so we don’t have to go at it alone.

Which brings us to agreements and consent in action.

Every partnership consists of two or more unique human expressions, and we all have things we are willing to do, accept, experience… and those we aren’t. Agreements and consent are important for all partners, but become especially highlighted within the realm of polyamory. Poly relationships are not inherently abusive or neglectful. They’re honoring, both of self and of union, by establishing clear and followed agreements based upon each members’ consent. And we all have something to learn here, which is this. Our thoughts matter. Our feelings… matter. Our mental health and wellbeing matters. Big time. And if we can’t cultivate a voice to stand up for the things that matter most to us, how will they matter to anyone else?

To our polyamorous crowd and clientele, we want to offer a special thanks.

Even for those of us who identify as monogamous, you have shared incredible wisdom and knowledge surrounding boundaries, consent, and how to view our relationships with intimacy as something we foster from within. For more information, we Trystologists highly suggest finding a copy of The Ethical Slut, written by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton. Their writing inspired so much of this article. We thank these authors for their dedication to a life lived on their terms! It has given their readers permission to do the same.

As always, we love our community, and feel incredibly blessed to share dynamic aspects core to this human experience. May you all see yourselves as worthy of your love, no matter how you define it. As far as we’re concerned, you have full permission to live your life on your terms! And we’re honored to remind you any time we can.

To Toy Or Not To Toy

That is the question, isn’t it?

Welcome back! Trystology here to celebrate National Sex Toy Day! Yes, November 4th is actually National Sex Toy Day across the nation, and we assure you, this isn’t just an excuse to sell toys. Honestly, the toys do that for themselves. To us, National Sex Toy Day is an opportunity to encourage everyone to further explore the skin they’re in… because they deserve to!

In fact, have you ever asked yourself why this store exists in the first
place?

Well, community, for those who don’t know her, and even for those who do, allow us to introduce our fearless leader, Roylin Downs! As a business owner, real estate professional, mother, wife, and incredible example of how to
live a full and happy life, she constantly inspires all those who work for Trystology to reach for the stars. Oh, and yes… she actually lives by the philosophy of having a daily orgasm. And whereas sexuality has always been a passion of hers, toys are a newer addition to her life than you might think! She, like many others, was curious about using them, and liked
the idea, but what if someone saw her purchasing a toy? How would she face the
embarrassment of walking into an uncomfortable store? And what would people
think?!

Statistically, the chances this resonates with you are very high. Seriously! We hear it all the time. And this is where we, as a collective, come face to face with our overarching discomfort with how we got here in the first place! I’ll try to whisper this
softly, as not to offend…

SEX! SEX! SEX!

You. Are Here. Because. Of SEX! But societally, we don’t really want to talk about it. Least of all, give ourselves open permission to enjoy the creative process sex can provide, which one can surmise, may be one root of why ANY creation in our lives labeled “worth while,” must involve ultimate struggle and stress in order to validate itself. Doesn’t make a lot sense when you think about it, does it?

But why?

Historically speaking, it could be for a lot of reasons. Trauma? Sometimes. Lack of understanding/inner-standing? Usually. Suffering from bad information? Almost always. To toy or not to toy confronts our discomfort with sex, or bigger yet ourselves, head on. And for this holiday, we want to let you know this – more than having sexual organs, you have a nervous system! Think of your nervous system as the body’s general manager, and then think of what happens when your boss is grumpy 24/7. Do you like going to work under these circumstances? Probably not… (And if you do, you might be into some lovingly painful play! Let’s just say we have an entire section of our store just for you!)

Jokes aside, our brains and nervous systems do a lot! They keep us alive, and deserve a break every so often. Pleasure, whether it be a smile, snuggles, laughter, a warm bath, or a great orgasm, is essential to a life well lived. In not discussing our sexuality, we negate the importance of consent, and the grace of knowing what we like and what we don’t! After all, orgasms are actually good for you. Same as broccoli, or walking, or having healthy relationships can benefit a life in moderation, so can pursuing healthy and safe sexual pleasure. The biochemical composition of orgasms can help combat depression, boost our immune systems, and increase our everyday confidence! But no one feels shame about eating broccoli, so what’s the deal?

I digress…

Once upon a party, Roylin purchased her first toy.

She wasn’t comfortable entering the typical sex shop, but felt fine attending a party amongst friends. To her surprise, she wasn’t the only women there who felt this way! Statistics show many women still have no clue what their orgasm even feels like, if they’ve had one, or how to replicate the few they’ve had! We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again, everyone’s major sex organ is their brain, and in order to orgasm, that GM must give the body permission. However, vibrators and other toys can quickly bypass the system, allowing our unique orgasms to reveal themselves. Rumbly coaxing, if you will. This realization, that so many women feared, dismissed, or felt ashamed of their pleasure, was the driving force behind Roylin’s creation of Trystology. Twelve years later, it exists as a monument and zocalo for all people to revel the skin they’re in.

Now, are we saying that in order to orgasm, you must have a toy?

Not at all! In fact, if toys just aren’t your thing, yet you know how to get yourself there in other ways, more power to you! We support that! But if you’re still wondering how to get yourself there, or want to spice things up, toys can be incredibly useful and fun. And you shouldn’t feel any guilt or shame for authentic desires you have, so long as consent is involved. Our goal here at Trystology is simply to provide you with options and tools you might not have thought of.

Now what kind of National Sex Toy Day would this be if we didn’t suggest a couple of beginner and user friendly tools to practice with?

This month we’re highlighting We-Vibe’s Tango X, and the Zalo Bess!

The We-Vibe Tango X is one of the best toys to boost anyone’s big moment.

It was designed to be just a bit longer than other bullets, and has a unique rumble that permeates deep into the skin. As a little side note, not all vibration is created equal. Some toys have a high, buzzy vibration, while other have a lower rumble. The higher, buzzy toys stimulate nerves on the skin level, but toys with more bass penetrate the skin. So because this bullet has a more rumbly vibe, it’s perfect for prostate stimulation, g-spot play, and a full body teasing. The vibrations are not too intense, either. We Trystologists classify this toy as a medium vibration. To toy or not to toy? This is a great first purchase to figure that out for yourself.

Zalo Bess is a store favorite, and very popular with our female clientele!

Bess has two motors – one for a pinpointed clitoral stimulation, and the other to power a discrete dildo on the opposite end… did we mention it’s gorgeous!? We recommend this toy as a starter due to it’s incredible versatility, and it’s undeniable benefit as a couple’s toy. Bess comes with three separate attachments for the clitoral side – a small silicone cap to spread the surface of vibration, a nipple stimulator, and a g-spot wand. It has a low, medium, and high level of vibration along with a pulsing, waving, and steady setting. Looking to spice things up? This tool is about five toys in one, which is precisely why we highly recommend it for anyone looking to explore. This tool works well with water-based lube, or oil. Please… no silicone lube on this baby. She’ll break! 

In short, ‘to toy or not to toy’ is not why Trystology exists…

Trystology is here, and will be for years to come, to provide safe space and permission for all looking to explore their pleasure by owning their orgasms. That general manager within, our brain, does need stress relief. And however you find it, we hope you remember to smile all while loving the skin you’re in. Our bodies are not meant to be judged, shamed, bullied, or worked to the bone. They are our homes, and will be for our entire lives. Trystology tip – enjoy every moment you can. You’re so worth it. In case you forget, we’re here to remind you again and again!

To our community, we love you, and thank you for making this place possible. May we all feel blessed and deserving of the beautiful skin we’re in!

Trystology Speaks Up this Domestic Violence Awareness Month

This article is about Domestic Violence. As the writer behind the veil, I admit, this is a tough topic. Not just because of how real this issue is to myself and millions of families, but because it deserves something special I learned from matriarchs in my family – compassion with intention. This compassion is not stagnant. It requires endurance and forward momentum, especially through rough waters.

When I even think about how to start this, my stomach boils and I get angry.

I know I’m angry due to the help of a lot of therapy. Because guess what? We all express anger, it just doesn’t always look like the typical, red-faced ear steam we see in cartoons. Anger is a natural human emotion, but one we must ask ourselves, “Do I own this emotion, or does it own me?” Sometimes it’s explosive, and other times it’s slow and precise. For some, it’s violent. We can learn to identify it and channel it in healthy ways, but anger, no matter the kind, can also build. And if stagnant anger or trauma builds high enough, people get sick.

Stress is a very literal killer in our society, and no one wants to talk about it.

When it comes to domestic violence, many don’t feel like they can. So, in honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we at Trystology hope to give you a voice – one of support, respect, and empowerment. Whatever, wherever, and whoever you are, you deserve safety, kindness, and the comfort of your home. You deserve peace, not just in your surroundings, but in your mind. You deserve to see beauty in yourself and the world around you. And you deserve this, right now!

In fact, everyone deserves the fullness of this present moment. If only we all just knew it.

But this shit is just fluff to read when you’re going through it.

If dealing with domestic violence of any kind is part of your daily routine, life becomes walking a tightrope, or trying to live with a gorilla. If that gorilla wants to dance, oh… you’re dancing. You don’t have a choice… right?

But you do. Many choices, in fact.

The first question we collectively need to answer is … What is domestic violence?

Here’s the clearest definition I found:

“Domestic abuse, also called “domestic violence” or “intimate partner violence”, can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. It can occur within a range of relationships including couples who are married, living together or dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.” 

Yes, this is how the United Nations defines it. I can’t think of a better way to put it. And domestic violence cases have been on the rise across the nation since Covid-19 began. But why? Why, does this very human inevitability of victim and villain exist? Why do human beings hurt each other… when they love each other? Even once?

The fact is, many of us didn’t see great examples of healthy love and affection as children. So enter, center-stage, generational trauma.

Life has a funny way of meeting our expectations, doesn’t it? Even as children, we mimic the world around us as we establish understandings of our world. If domestic violence is part of a child’s upbringing, then domestic violence is an aspect of their reality as well. And the cycle repeats. Over, and over again.

But what if we could expect… better? And we didn’t have to do it alone?

This month, Trystology had the honor of speaking with Laura Morales, the Housing Services Manager at The Coalition for Family Harmony here in Ventura. The Coalition is a registered 501c3 providing direct services to victims of domestic violence and sexual assault.

As we all spoke about this month, it felt like we all knew who and what we were looking at. Women who had been there. You could tell by how genuinely everyone listened. Heart listening. We all know the road out isn’t easy. It’s messy, mind, body and soul. It can feel endless. But one day, when we’re looking for the light, the clouds part and the skies clear. You make it, because you believed the sun was coming out again. It also takes a lot of work, and not the heavy lifting kind. The grit kind. The fighting-the-inner-self kind. Real shit.

According to The Coalition, 85% of victims are women, but their records only account for those who have come forward. According to California State statistics, over 30% of both men and women have been the victims of abuse, but again… these are just the reports.

We’ve clearly defined domestic violence, but what about other words commonly associated with it, like having a toxic relationship, or identifying narcissists?

These terms have picked up in their regularity, but what do we mean when we use them?

Toxic Relationship, you’re up first.

Any relationship that continually makes you feel worse rather than better can be considered toxic. Does this always have to include abuse or domestic violence? Strictly, no. Many of us have had toxic relationships. We know because we’ve felt the tethers holding us back, and hopefully make the tough decision to do what’s best for ourselves by fixing the issue or ending the relationship. (Easier said than done? Often, yes.) Can we unintentionally or intentionally victimize ourselves by blowing these incidents out of proportion? Statistically, yes. Many domestic violence claims are due to this alone. Toxic relationships can lead to domestic violence, but don’t inherently involve violence of any kind. A square can be a rectangle, but a rectangle isn’t a square.

Now you, the narcissists.

This word has caught on like wildfire, which is unfortunate, because narcissism is a diagnosable thing. The world is full of assholes, and we all have bad days. But not every asshole is a narcissist. I suppose the square/rectangle analogy applies here too.

According to the Mayo Clinic, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is defined as, “a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.”

And this very real sickness puts millions of people in danger each year, including the narcissist themselves. Narcissists often seek comfort in the illusion of ultimate control over everyone and everything around them. Many who suffer from this disorder witnessed horrors growing up and didn’t learn how to deal with any of it. These offenders can recover by taking classes and seeking therapy, but are often in denial or are too ashamed to do so on their own. That’s why states mandate that abusers attend classes and seek therapy, to limit repeat offenders within the system. Again, narcissists can be incredibly dangerous to themselves and others over time, so the psychological illness, when referenced, should be taken seriously.

So how can we bring light to this issue as a community? How can we provide safe space for victims of domestic violence and abuse respectfully? How can we encourage offenders to heal?

Remember?!

Compassion with intention. We forge forward to look at the stuff we’ve swept under the rug for too long, and decide to clean house. We teach ourselves to expect better than we’ve learned and we forgive ourselves. A call to the The Coalition in Ventura is a great start, but if you’re not in the Ventura community, here’s a list of NGO’s and safe houses near you.

The Coalition for Family Harmony – Ventura, CA

Greater California Domestic Violence Shelters Near You

Country Wide Safe Houses and Resources

Know this, whoever you are. You are not alone. Millions of men and women stand beside you. Help is out there. I remember an ah-ha moment I had after my own brush with domestic violence. I sat in a park and thought about victims and villains. These archetypes are so familiar to us, we forget they exist to express polarity. In my story, I had learned all intimate partners were villains, so inherently I was the victim. As time and healing passed by, I saw myself as neither. I saw myself as learning, nothing more. That acceptance has made all the difference.

“Never forget that walking away from something unhealthy is brave even if you stumble a little on your way out the door.”

Puzzling Out the Art of Family Sex Talks

Hey y’all, Happy Fall! Trystology’s back again puzzling out the birds, bees, and processes behind learning the pleasure centers of our bodies, family edition, and this time we’re calling a…

{scary tubas and high pitched violins!!!!}

Family Meeting!

Today we will be discussing the Art of Family Sex Talks. Look, I know we all dread the family sex talk, so in honor of National Family Sexuality Education Month, (I’m not trying to make a joke, but that’s a mouthful), we’re here to hopefully shed some light on how to open a dialogue about sex at home.

Whether your family is transparent about sexuality or not, we all know the awkward feelings that can come up when kids have questions about sex. That’s why this is called the art of family sex talks. There are also many schools of thought surrounding this issue. Every parent makes decisions about what information is appropriate for their children at any given age. For the health and wellbeing of children, we as adults need to provide our children with balanced answers to their immediate questions.

Does this mean we just… let them jump right in?

Well, hell no!

What we mean is this –  education is not abuse. I repeat, education is not abuse.

In fact, just the opposite. Knowledge is power! We tell our kids this all the time. When it comes to sexuality, knowledge yields responsibility, respect, kindness, and safety. Also, just as every child unique, every parent is too, so knowing what is appropriate when varies from family to family.

So readers, imagine we had a time machine to take us back to our budding time of puberty…

Blech, I couldn’t even write that with a straight face. Whether you’re experiencing it now, will be, or you’ve forgotten that version of you sprouting pubic hairs, puberty can feel like a real bag of cats. Your mind, body, and world view skyrocket into a whole new becoming.

Some of it’s fine. Some of it sucks.

Emotions are in a tailspin. Self-comparison is constant. Zits and cracked voices accompany new periods and wet dreams. It’s a party most would opt to miss.

But orgasms… well, orgasms are real great.

At some point, whether it’s you or the innocent person you’ve watched grow, we all discover our bits, and humanity is vast. In a world highly impacted by Wikipedia and porn, today’s kids need enough good information to make sense out of the world, and who they will become in it.

Life’s wild. Truly, things only become more wild as we find our place within this greater happening, but owning our orgasm is a practice that starts with us as the individual, not with a partner. In order to find a matching puzzle piece to our unique sexual needs, we should know the shape of our own piece! And this learning involves and requires a process. One that takes years, so keeping up with our bodies and needs is just another way to stay centered along the road

As adults, we learn with our kids.

Supporting those we love becomes very real when setting examples of healthy sexuality for our youth. As we all know, no matter how fiercely we may try to prevent or quickly remedy it, our children and teenagers will feel. They will feel everything, just like we all do. They will feel intense joy, pain, pleasure, success, failure, sadness, the whole enchilada. And arousal. That too. We all do. Our job as adults, parents and teachers is making open space for our youth to confidently find themselves, knowing love and acceptance will always be available to them. Especially through the bumpy parts.

So, how can we talk about sex with our kids, and how can we, the adults, do this while maintaining our own sexual health?

Well, It’s all in the presentation. 😉

Trystology’s Art of Family Sex Talks

First, be positive.

Remember, this conversation does not have be awful. In fact, a positive approach will teach young people the importance of self respect and self-care. Also, this conversation shouldn’t just be a “one-off.” Discussing sexuality is vulnerable by nature at all ages, and getting anywhere with this talk involves trust. Again, I’m going to remind everyone of the word process. Here’s another word… investment. Discussing sex with our kids is an investment in their emotional, physical, and over-all well-being.

Then, encourage.

Remember those days? Holy cow! I didn’t feel attractive, or understand how to speak to anyone I liked. I didn’t know or understand my value. In part, how could I? I was learning. Remind young people of all of their talents and attributes. Be authentic and vulnerable. Explain that it’s okay to be sexual, they are worth kindness and pleasure, and that you are there to support in any way you can.

It’s common to lead with the scary stuff… but try your best not to.

Should we discuss STIs? Yes. Pregnancy? Also yes. All to understand the inherent joy beneath our skin responsibly, so that we can enjoy it and encourage those we love to do the same. Using scare tactics regarding sex with kids hasn’t worked for centuries… let’s collectively move past this. For everyone’s sake.

October is a big month for sexual holidays, and there’s a big one on it’s way. National Coming Out Day! It’s important to mention this because your child’s sexuality may not exist on the same spectrum as yours does. Everyone, even your kid, is different, and this is perfect. There’s no one way to exploring sexuality, and reiterating this to our youth is a healthy reminder for we adults.

Invite conversation by making time to listen.

Sharing stories can break the ice, but can also miss the mark. Listen to what they’re experiencing, ask kind questions, and encourage them along their road. Do this for them, but let it be a reminder to check in with yourself.

Lastly, remember to be yourself with your kids.

What do I mean? Well, whether we like it all the time or not, kids are learning… all the time. They learn how to live, behave and feel based in large part on the environment they inhabit day to day. Obviously kids shouldn’t witness what goes on behind closed doors, but allowing our kids see us show affection to our partners by kissing them, holding hands and smiling only shows them the kind of affection we hope for them in the future.

I have one more word for this article, and its this – legacy.

We at Trystology are honored to see our community through a unique lens. We have important conversations in our store, and I will tell you that in 2021, people are still taught that masturbation can cause blindness. Why? Your guess is as good as mine, but the first reasons that come to my mind are fear, shame, and guilt. When I look at humanity as a whole, I don’t believe fear, shame and guilt build solid foundations for our future. So let’s help our kids find their way. Let that be our legacy. As the adults of today guiding the ones of tomorrow, let’s give them our best by allowing them to discover the best this world has to offer them.

If we all loved the skin we’re in, wouldn’t the world be a better place?

Way to go, you made it to the end! Family meeting adjourned. For more great information on the art of family sex talks, here are some of our favorite authors and products for your toolbox.

Off the Shelf!

Learning Good Consent, by Cindy Crabb
Curated by Doris editor Cindy Crabb, Learning Good Consent looks at the culture of sexual consent from a standpoint which is both sexy, educational, perfect for the art of family sex talks. During the course of 64 pages, Cindy and friends create a well-rounded consent workshop, with all sights set on healing and helping. In the midst of rape culture, “blurred lines,” and troubled relationships with power and boundaries, Consent has your back. As says Cindy in the zine’s intro, “Talking about our experiences with consent, our struggles, our mistakes and how we’ve learned, these are part of a much larger revolutionary struggle.”
The Body is Not an Apology, by Sonya Renee Taylor
The Body Is Not an Apology offers radical self-love as the balm to heal the wounds inflicted by these violent systems. World-renowned activist and poet Sonya Renee Taylor invites us to reconnect with the radical origins of our minds and bodies and celebrate our collective, enduring strength. As we awaken to our own indoctrinated body shame, we feel inspired to awaken others and to interrupt the systems that perpetuate body shame and oppression against all bodies. When we act from this truth on a global scale, we usher in the transformative opportunity of radical self-love, which is the opportunity for a more just, equitable, and compassionate world–for us all.
In Trans Like Me, CN Lester takes readers on a measured, thoughtful, intelligent yet approachable tour through the most important and high-profile narratives around the trans community, turning them inside out and examining where we really are in terms of progress. From the impact of the media’s wording in covering trans people and issues, to the way parenting gender variant children is portrayed, Lester brings their charged personal narrative to every topic and expertly lays out the work left to be done.

Sex: How to Authentically Play Well with Others!

“Sometimes you have to play a long time in order to play like yourself.” – Miles Davis

So, what is sexual authenticity…

“Wait! Hang on, Trystology… isn’t September National Pleasure Your Mate Month? Aren’t we going to discuss how to give and receive great orgasms?!”

Well, yes.

But as Trystologists, we believe the best part of authenticity’s definition is it’s inherent inference that everyone is, in fact, different, and that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Miles Davis had a point. You may have to play for a long time, but play is the key word here. Play to know yourself, and others, for the real thing.

Sex, and Authentically Playing Well with Others!

Sexually, we all have our own authentic solo inside, and no matter how slow or erratic that vibration expresses itself, somehow it just works when we let go, and we’re not quite sure how. Intimacy is the sensual celebration of this release, together. Like jazz, it’s that one drum line, bass riff, or horn piece uniquely accompanied and better for it, toward an inevitable peak and fall. Freedom without plan or expectation.

Our partners, for better or worse, reflect our ongoing realities back onto us, and conversely, we do the same for them. We aid in guiding each other toward a more pure view and realization of our true selves. The jewel of this human desire for connection exists within the here and now, and choosing to share this present moment, intentionally, with someone we love.

The name ‘Trystology’ comes from the Latin word tryst, meaning a meeting between lovers, so this September, in honor of National Pleasure Your Mate Month, Trystology encourages every reader to give their loved one the best gift of all.

The honest, bare, and authentic you.

Afterall, that’s what we share with those closest to us, whether we like it or not. All of us have a resident crazy person who dwells within… those who love us know our more unique versions well. There’s nothing we can do about that other than to embrace it, flaunt it, and seek to accept all of who we are in order to love all of someone else.

So how will embracing our wild, desiring, hopeful, sweet and sensual side benefit our partnered pleasure, personal orgasm, and who cares anyway?!

How to Play with Others: Trystology’s Authenticity Edition 1.0!

Think of our sexuality as our deepest most creative self, wordless. It is within this sacred expression we are all unique, and sharing this can strengthen bonds of love, compromise, and overall understanding. Healthy vulnerability is good. It’s human, and can lead to more efficient communication over longer durations of time.

Now here’s the thing. No one’s perfect. In terms of sexuality, perfection doesn’t even apply. It has no place in creation. And sure, vulnerability can hurt. That’s why along every road we establish boundaries, not just as a form of protection, but also as a declaration of choice and self-love. By playing with our partners, we learn to give and ask for consent. We learn what we like, and how to communicate our needs.

This is Trystology’s 3-Step Guide to Pleasuring Your Mate, as Yourself!

How to Play with Others: Trystology’s Authenticity Edition! - Self Pleasure

1. Play Well Solo First!

In Trystology’s Authenticity Edition, why would we start with self-pleasure? C’mon, it’s not to be selfish! In order to ask our loved one what they desire, shouldn’t we know how to answer them in return?!

Knowing what we want, and how we like it only empowers ourselves, and our partners! Remember the quote at the start of this article? Play. Beneath our skin, pleasure exists. As we’ve said before, regular orgasms support stronger immune systems, sleep, and overall mental well-being. Without knowing what our bodies like, how can we share that magic with our partners? Maybe spice it up by encouraging them to explore too!

If you’re looking to re-familiarize yourself with your pleasure centers, here are some great tools to pack for the journey:

The Womanizer Duo!

What could be better than a Womanizer? The mind blowing clitoral stimulation of a Womanizer blended with deep G-Spot stimulation thats what! Revel in 12 escalating (independently operated) intensity levels to bring user to explosive, climactic bliss. Using patented Pleasure Air Technology, the clitoral stimulator’s pressure waves gently suck the clitoris to deliver a superb new orgasmic sensation.

Zumio

Unlock new sensations with Zumio i, using elliptical rotation – not vibration – to deliver precise stimulation exactly where you want it! Zumio i’s spoon-shaped tip spreads stimulating energy across a larger area, creating a more diffuse range of clitoral sensation while its elliptical pattern, 8 speeds, and pressure sensitivity put you in complete control of your pleasure.

We Vibe Vector

With rumbling vibrations that target both the prostate and the perineum, Vector leads the way to sensations that go beyond anything experienced before. Designed for comfort with an adjustable head and flexible base, Vector hits all the right spots to lead your beloved prostate owner to their strongest orgasm yet!

Tenga Spinners

Enjoy a unique sensation like none other. An all-new internal coil makes the SPINNER twist as you insert, sending unbelievable sensations with each stroke!

How to Play with Others: Trystology’s Authenticity Edition! - Quality Coupled Play

2. Playing better together.

Set aside uninterrupted time for each other. Commit to it, and plan for it. Now reconnected to what works for you, prepare yourself to listen to what works for them. Whether it’s a night on the town or a sensual evening in, take time to be with the one you love, and connect.

Since everyone’s primary sex organ is the brain, relaxing can increase arousal and the ultimate quality of climax. Wearing sexy lingerie and using stimulating oils, or even massage candles can bolster self-confidence, add ease and set the mood. Here’s a list of our top couples toys and products, perfect for any fantasy. Don’t forget to communicate! If words aren’t available, noises can be guiding all by themselves, but practice conveying your needs while hearing and honoring theirs.

Atom Plus by Hot Octopus

Whether used for solo play or with a partner, the Atom series represents the dawn of a new age for C-rings. Atom Plus combines innovative design with powerful vibration motors to create a C-Ring that delivers deep, rumbly stimulation to all the right places.

Rainbow Crystal Bubble Dildo

Calling all Rainbow People! Finished with a glittery dichroic bulb, this dil will soon become a favorite! The rainbow spectrum-colored gentle curve fits well in the hand, and the bumps make the smooth glass easily gripped. The texture is perfect to achieve an ongoing “first penetration” feeling. The Rainbow Bubble’s curve was made for partnered G-spot or A-Spot stimulation. 

NJoy Fun Wand

Njoy’s most versatile design, the Fun Wand provides a plethora of sensual possibilities. Ideal alone or with a partner, the Fun Wand is great fun for combined oral and G-spot stimulation, or flip the toy (and your partner!) over and use the graduated bulbs to give them the anal treat you know they deserve…

We Vibe Ditto

Explore anal play with We-Vibe’s new slim, flexible, comfortable vibrating plug. Wearable by either a man or a woman, facing forward or back, Ditto can be controlled conveniently by its remote or with the We-Connect app. Playing with other We-Vibe toys? We-Connect can control both from the same device! Rechargeable and fully waterproof!

Oh, and don’t forget the lube!

How to Play with Others: Trystology’s Authenticity Edition! - Authentic Favorites and Further Fantasies

3. Future Fantasies at Play!

Our best advice is keep it going! Talk with one another about what does it for you! Have the courage to be yourself, remember to always respect boundaries, and above all else, don’t forget to play. Play, and watch what develops in your life. If sexuality encompasses a core aspect of our being, learning to be vulnerable while asking for what we want can only resonate outward into the rest of our lives. And yes, it only gets better together!

Sounds good, doesn’t it?

To all our lovebirds out there, we send you our best! Love each other, as yourselves.

And play on.

<3

Looking for more? Please join us Wednesday, September 15th from 6:30pm-8pm via Zoom for our Pleasure Your Mate Class! Spots fill quickly, so reserve your spot now! All beings and questions are welcome, so we hope to see you soon 🙂

Ring, Ring! Calling All Bootys!

Calling all bootys, calling all bootys!

This is your annual Trystology check-up, making sure your rear is in the clear for National Anal Health and Awareness Month. Yes, it’s August, and this month is all about the booty. Don’t worry, no gloves or turning your head to cough is necessary … unless it is, in which case we encourage you to visit your doctor before stopping here.

Instead, we’ve decided to celebrate the month by digging deep to give you the goods on the taboo topic of anal pleasure for her, him, and them. Take a seat, a deep breath and get comfortable as we demystify and openly discuss the intimate, pleasurable, and yes, normal, act of anal sex.

Tense already?

Let’s start by getting to the bottom of some major misunderstandings surrounding this issue. Anal sex, although gaining in popularity between couples of all genders, is not new to humanity, is not dirty, and does not make anyone wrong for enjoying it. Nor does reveling confidently in booty play define your sexual preference in partners. Right now, we’re talking about anatomy. The fact is every human being has millions of pleasure providing nerve-endings in and around their A-Spot, and this ecstasy, for some, can actually support better health and wellness.

Also, if anal play is strictly not your thing, that’s fine too! We’re all different, as we should be. Reminder: we all share more similarities than differences. We all have beating hearts, hopes, desires, bootys, and share the same major sex organ – the brain. In order to enjoy any sexual act, communication and consent together reign as king and queen of this jungle.

Oh, and one more thing…

Here at Trystology we always promote safe sex. If you’ve been blessed with long-term relational bliss, the call is yours, but condoms are always encouraged when entering the back door.

Feeling better? There here we go…

But the butt’s an exit only, right?

More like exit and. Yes, one of the biggest fears with anal play is, I’ll say it, poo, which just isn’t a sexy thing to discuss. To both the timid and the tigers, when done correctly, this issue can be avoided. Now, we all have tummy issues sometimes. If booty play is something you’ve pondered, your first try might not be on a bloated or gassy day.

Trystology tip:

Day of, you might want to avoid dairy or any flatulent prone foods like beans or broccoli. Also, stress itself can make the stomach bubble, so above all else, relax and get your head out of the game.

Um, won’t anal pleasure… hurt?

Lube, lube, lube, my dudes. The anus, unlike the vagina, does not lubricate itself. Safe anal pleasure requires lubrication, protection and when used, can level up any orgasm. However, as stated above, stress can be a major pain here too. When our bodies are stressed or feeling fear, we brace for emotional, and yes physical, impact. Clenching due to stress can make this experience more painful than need be. Getting the brain to calm is a major must.

Trystology tip:

Relax, and go slow. No one is running a race here, and pornography can be incredibly misleading. Even the best porn stars in the game need to warm up for anal play, so let romance and sensuality be your friends. Maybe try a warm bath to clean and calm your tush before the push.

Also, not all lubes are created equally!! Lubricants vary from silicone based, water-based, hybrids, and oils, all of which are safe for anal sex. However, silicone lubes are not made for toys. I repeat, silicone lubes are NOT for toys. The medical grade silicone used for many toys can break down when slathered in some silicone lubes, so don’t break your expensive toys! Water-based and oil lubricants are safe for toy use, so you decide.

Here are Trystology’s top-selling lubricants of every kind:

Uberlube is a premium silicone lubricant free of parabens and other harsh chemicals. Versatile, Uberlube may be used for sex, massage, anti-frizz, and anti-chafing. Formulated with only the highest quality silicone and fragrance-free, Uberlube is perfect for sensitive skin. Weightless in consistency, waterproof, and never sticky, it is easy and comfortable to use. Artfully packaged in a non-porous glass pump bottle and safe to use with rubber latex, silicone, plastic, glass, and metal toys.
Luxurious, long lasting, water based lubricant. It’s made with herbal formulations and an eco-friendly biodegradable bottle for environmentally conscious users. The luxe formula contains a stimulating combination of ingredients (horny goat weed and ginseng) to help increase blood flow to applied areas for longer lasting and increased performance. Sold in multiple sizes from 2oz to 8oz for increased fun!

Formulated for more comfortable anal pleasure, this is the first silicone based lubricant that contains jojoba extract. The jojoba relaxes the skin and anal muscles, but does not desensitize or numb. It’s long lasting, no messy clean-up, contains extra-moisturizing hyaluronan, and is latex condom safe.
All natural Bisabolol extract from the chamomile plant makes this the perfect silicone glide for relaxing anal sex. It has been used for hundreds of years in skin remedies because of its skin healing and muscle relaxing properties. Bisabolol is known to have anti-irritant, anti-inflammatory and anti-microbial properties.
Coconut oil based lubricant by Coconu! Personal moisturizer also works very well as a massage oil. Long lasting formula protects and heals dry skin creating a lasting slippery effect. Made with USDA certified organic coconut oil.

Can anal play stimulate the P-Spot and the G-Spot?!

Yup! Sure can. Anal play is pleasurable for vagina owners, penis owners, and anyone in between. If P-Spot and G-Spot are unfamiliar terms, the P-Spot refers to the prostate, located two to three inches inside the anus of cisgender men. It is stimulated with a finger, buzzy toy, dildo or penis. Why is it pleasurable? Because it provides direct contact with the prostate, and encourages a complete ejaculation, which can lead to you or your partner’s strongest orgasm yet. The prostate will get larger, or feel spongy, upon stimulation, and this type of pleasure can induce an orgasm with or without an erection. Start gently, communicate, and enjoy the ride as this orgasm can be most intense for penis owners.

Trystology Tip:

The second most common type of cancer in the U.S. is that of the prostate. We don’t say this to scare anyone. In fact, here’s some information which may ease your mind, and bits. Harvard found that prostate owners were less likely to develop cancerous cells when their prostates emptied fully, and regularly. Anal play for him/them can actually support longer and stronger sexual health.

Here are some P-Spot tools to fit any bottomline:

  • Lelo Hugo
The remote controlled LELO HUGO is perfectly designed to offer entirely new avenues of sexual satisfaction. With 8 settings and exclusive SenseMotion technology, HUGO is all set to become the playpartner you’ve been waiting for. It’s USB-rechargeable and 100% waterproof. This expertly sized pleasure object deeply massages the prostate, while a secondary motor in the base stimulates the perineum for overwhelming stimulation.
  • Aneros Syn V
Helix Syn V produces quiet yet powerful vibration in an ultra-compact, hands-free design and can be used in two modes, powered and unpowered. Helix Syn V offers a unique experience in unpowered mode with fuller, more robust stimulation. Powered mode introduces 8 expertly tuned, preset vibration patterns at 3 levels of intensity for a total of 24 enhanced sensory experiences, utilizing a simple multifunction button control.
  • Sensuelle Homme Pro S
Here’s the rechargeable prostate massager by Sensuelle. Curved to follow the body’s natural flow, this internal massager has ten different vibration intensities and a ball massager at the tip. It has three different up and down speeds for complete pleasure!

Ah yes, the G-Spot. Otherwise known as the Grafenberg Spot, it’s located in the vagina if cisgender women one to three inches in and toward the belly button, however, can also be stimulated anally. The G-Spot enlarges with steady contact like the prostate, whether directly through the vagina or by way of the back door. Gentle come hither motions to start are best for anal pleasure and sensations only increase when coupled with buzzy or oral clitoral stimulation.

Trystology Tip:

Start with a plug! Taking in a partner’s full member, or even a dildo, can feel intense to start, so start low and slow! Plugs are designed to stay in place, and many come in super cute designs! Some vibrate, some don’t.

Either way, G-Spot, here’s the buzz on some of our favorite fillings:

  • Godebuster Medium Plug
A medium glow in the dark, vibrating, anal plug… Does it get more fun? Godebuster can be used for personal pleasure or as a gift for lovers or friends.
  • Rianne S Booty Plug Set
Rianne S allows wearers to display their booty beauty with pride! These extra sleek silicone plugs are beautifully finished with a gem-like stone. It’s the ideal training kit to further explore anal pleasure and undiscovered erogenous zones.
  • Sensuelle Mini Plug with Remote
This plug can be used solo or with a partner for lots of sexy fun. It comes with fifteen different speeds and a one year warranty!
Features also include a USB Rechargeable Bullet, USB Rechargeable Remote, it’s 100% Waterproof (submersible), and there’s a toy bag included!

Conclusion?

If you’re happy and you know it, bottoms up! Anal pleasure, when done carefully, kindly, and safely, can excite your love life while improving your health, not shaming it. Here at Trystology, we encourage you to love your tush, and all the pleasure it has to offer. Check up complete, and your rear is clear for take off!

Own It for National Orgasm Day!

“We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.” – Lily Tomlin

Yep. Lily Tomlin. Wise gal, we think. And to celebrate National Orgasm Day, we at Trystology are here with oodles of reasons why #OYO, owning your orgasm, can support a fuller, healthier, and happier life for you and the ones you love! Or maybe just like. Or… make those less than favorable slightly more tolerable. You decide. Read on, the satire has only just begun.

We’ve discussed it before, but for those new to the news, orgasms are great! There’s just no doubt about it. They produce a unique cocktail in the body that relieves stress, supports the immune system, and most importantly, encourages a positive self-image. 

Thing is, your orgasm belongs to YOU!

No one else feels it, experiences it, or has control of it. Certainly, partners can, and hopefully do, relish in your experience, but the nerves are yours, and we encourage everyone to have the nerve to explore themselves without shame, guilt, or fear. That said, sometimes this is easier said than done. Shame, guilt, and fear are monster emotions that can take over any occasion, private time included. Perhaps you’ve been there, and maybe you haven’t, but a busy brain can be a real buzz kill. There’s more too. The brain is EVERYONE’S primary sex organ. So, what can we do when the brain goes… a little off the rails?

The easy answer? “A little self-love goes a long way!” 

O-kay, but shut up already!

We get it! “A little self-love goes a long way, everyone!” We hear it, constantly. Everywhere. This sentiment has even fingered its way into commercials via advertising these days. But we’re not selling paper towels here, people. We’re talking about that sweet, sweet O. That horizonal hokie-pokie. That no-no in the uh-oh. That… okay, I’m embellishing. But has our popularized advertisement of ‘self-love’ made it a farce? A sell? Some utopian fantasy that moves consumerism forward?!

Take a deep breath. Not exactly… lets go back to basics for a sex… I mean sec.

They key to loving yourself is knowing who the hell you are. And this doesn’t happen overnight. This happens throughout life, folks, which as every adult knows, involves suffering, not perfection. It just does. If you disagree, you’re probably young, or an ostrich. Maybe a unicorn, I’m not sure. Either way, come see me. Let’s talk, because all of us, sometimes, have a real shit day. News flash, we’re allowed to! And whereas orgasms aren’t solving world peace, (and imagining some politicians in the act absolutely horrifies most), they can relieve headaches, keep us healthier and more tolerable, intimately connect us to our partners, and remind us that some shit storms really are followed by a rainbow.

Imagine this…

Tomorrow morning, you wake up to your dream vehicle just waiting outside for a test drive. Who drives it first? Your neighbor?! I sincerely hope not. I hope you drive it, and enjoy every curve of the road, beam of the sun, and wind in your hair. Well, our bodies are just vehicle, and one more miraculous than any piece of steel out there. They’re exquisite. And before giving anyone a ride in or on these skin suits, we should know how they handle, what they like, what they need, and how to keep them humming along these backroads of life.

Here’s a hint.

If life is the road, communication is the fuel. But you can’t communicate what you don’t know to be true, especially when it comes to your body and bits.

For vagina owners, where’s your g-spot, and how do you like it stimulated. Not sure? Take that baby for a spin! It may be a longer road-trip than you expect, so pack up the lube and take it away. Some navigational advice for those who don’t have theirs mapped out, which is completely normal for women of any age, it’s one to three inches in the vagina, up towards the belly button. Steady come here motions work well here, so hydrate for the ride. Clitoral stimulation can help here too, but how does yours like to be touched? Here are some of our favorite exploratory tools to pack for the journey.

Deep in penis possession? How does your body achieve its strongest climax? If you’re not sure, have you found your prostate? If it’s flat out not your thing, that’s fine, but inviting Mr. Prostate out to play could really change your game. Just like the g-spot, it’s about three inches into the anus, and reaching it solo first could be just the secret you want to spill. How about your perineum. Know about it? It’s the patch of skin behind your testicles, and if anal play is a strict no, another road to prostate engagement. Rumbly vibes, pressure, or simple licking can do the trick! Below are the tools we find essential for the trunk.

For today, treat yourself!

In a world turned upside down, we think self-exploration, self-knowledge, and knowing your orgasm is time well spent. Truly. At the end of the day, your body is your vehicle to manifesting whatever your heart desires in this world. So today, strap on the do not disturb sign. We at Trystology won’t judge, and it can just be our little secret.

Gender Beyond the Binary

Hey there, Trystology here in celebration of National Non-Binary People’s Day!

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National what?!

Yeah! Happy National Non-Binary People’s Day! Words matter, and our use of them has vastly fluctuated throughout history. We at Trystology believe it’s time our language around sexuality follows suit! Words are powerful communication tools, and their meanings/our understandings of them shape our realities. For example, how do you define gender? How about manhood, or womanhood? Can you point to them? And what happens when your identification with gender expands past our already fragile societal norms and vocabulary?

Also, why is this blog post possibly our most important this year? I’m going to cut out of my normal writer’s voice for a moment to answer this first. People are dying, folks. All over the world millions have lost their lives to Covid-19, and even amid all of that loss and sadness we’re seeing more non-binary and trans lives lost due to ignorance than ever. It’s only July, and 2021 already accounts for more trans murders than all of 2019, and most are Black and Latina women. Even more lives are lost to suicide, and astoundingly more are ostracized from political, cultural, even medical representation.

This article is unapologetically about gender, and the language we use to describe it. Historically, we are more than ‘man’ or ‘woman’, or ‘male’ or ‘female.’ The word gender inherently surpasses society’s understanding of it, and we are here to discuss why the world, and the orgasm, extend past the binary.  

To our non-binary, trans, non-gendered, genderqueer, intersex community and more, we thank you, we welcome you, and we hope this article does you proud!

Binary, and Beyond!

It’s no surprise that as a bipedal species with two outward facing eyes, feet, hands, and ears that we would settle and find comfort with mere duality. However, the idea that there are only two neatly boxed up genders is a common and dangerous misconception. Always has been. Simply put, its false. For instance, Intersex folks have always existed and have been both ostracized and exalted in high societies and religious practices.

Non-binary is a term for those who don’t identify completely with “man” or “woman”, or “male” or “female.” Many don’t find home within these terms at all. Instead, some feel blends of both, some feel something altogether different, while intersex people are born with anatomical or reproductive systems outside of the strict male or female classification. Other terms for non-binary include genderqueer, agender, trans, non-gendered, and more. While none of these terms mean the same to everyone, they all speak to an experience of gender beyond male or female.

And even though non-binary is a new term, this experience has written historical relevance pre-dating the Middle Ages!

Practicing Proper Pronouns

Okay, so we know there’s more than male or female. We know. So how can we honor the experience of our non-binary family in society, culture, and the legislature governing both? Although we have a long way to go, we can simply start with the proper use of pronouns! Many who identify outside the already false binary prefer the use of they/them/their when being referred to in society. But how do we know when to use these pronouns? And what if we make mistakes?

In every article we’ve written about sexuality, Trystology has emphasized the importance of communication. The same applies here! Non-binary people are just people, and have been in our lives forever whether we’ve known it or not. In order to know how someone identifies, all we have to do is ask! Sure, this is a new conversation, but we are living within a time of revolution, transition, and change. Our courage now to respect one another and to empathize with others’ experiences can start with, “Hi friend, which pronouns do you prefer?” We then make the effort to respectfully adhere to the work an individual has put into knowing themselves. Will we make mistakes? Undoubtedly. But asking about pronouns is a way to grant visibility to those beyond the binary, and representation matters. Language has changed before, it’s changing again, and we will survive.

Questions Everyone Should Avoid…

Whereas open discussions aid society’s understanding of the non-binary experience, some questions are flat out rude, such as, “Have you… transitioned?” or “Do you still have a penis/vagina?” C N Lester, in Trans Like Me, speaks on this in a way that cuts right to the heart of the issue. Whether each of us knows someone openly non-binary or not, chances are good we all know a mom. When women give birth, we ask kind questions. “How are you and the baby?” or simply, “Congratulations!” The process of birth is intimate and unlike any other. It can be messy, painful, and complex. A mother may choose to describe her experience of labor to family member or friend, but for a stranger to ask how severely someone’s vagina tore giving birth would certainly be unacceptable and offensive… period. The same is true of asking about anyone’s genitalia. Not. Your. Business! And it’s certainly not anyone’s obligation to answer!

My. Family.

To pop out of my writer’s voice once more, I want to thank a specific member of my family for aiding in my understanding of this issue. Out of respect for them, they will remain nameless. However, in order to write this article properly, I asked them for a personal interview. I was honored when they agreed and was astounded at how much I too had to learn. Here are some points they shared with me.

They were identified as male at birth yet began dressing in women’s clothing from the laundry hamper in secret at age four. Pediatricians now estimate that children understand their gender and gender expression by exactly this age. For the cisgender folks reading, (those who identify with the sex they were assigned at birth), I ask you to imagine the mental toll of learning to hide your true gender from family and society so young. As a teacher, this breaks my heart. I’m happy to say that in their sixties, my family member has finally found support, a community, and safety within it. Home, you might say. And to this member of my family, I love you, I am proud of you, and I thank you for everything you have taught me.

At the end of my interview with them, I asked, “What, if any, advice would you give to the younger you?”

“I would tell them to go ahead and do what makes them happy.” They went on to say, “I’ve spent my entire life being what other people wanted me to be, you know? A real man, or whatever the hell that is. I took care of my kids financially, I had the nice house, you know. I’ve been there for my family when they were sick and stuff. But now it’s my turn. I finally feel entitled to make myself happy.”

I then asked, “What have you learned by having the support of your peers?”

Their emphatic response? “Be honest. I’m a firm believer that it may be hard in the beginning, but it will get easier as you go.”

I could hear in their voice that honesty meant much more than being open to others. It meant, first and foremost, gaining the comfortability and confidence to be honest with themselves.

Now for the Goods!

So finally… can non-binary people have sex? YES!! Non-binary, trans, intersex people and more have orgasms, and the biological make-up to do so. Just as most men and women navigate their orgasms differently, the same can be true for those who identify as non-binary. Here, family, are some of our favorite toys to rock, flaunt, and enjoy your beautiful selves!

The Toy Chest

Strap ons!

For the transmasculine community who haven’t undergone phalloplasty, strap-ons offer a great way to penetrate partners, and have been around for hundreds, yes hundreds, of years. Here at Trystology we offer a wide array from natural to spacey to honor every desired size, look, and feel. We also carry underwear style harnesses fit for a natural look, and perfect for packing! Strap-ons can suit transfeminine people as well. Estrogen therapy can take a toll on someone’s ability to maintain an erection and strapping up can provide a way to have sex while avoiding dysphoria or any contact with the genitals. For those who have undergone vaginoplasty, strap-ons can still be used the same way cisgender women use them today. No matter how you top, here’s a list of our top faves.

Let’s Vibe it Out!

Vibrators, specifically vibrating wands, are awesome for everyone. The reason? They offer a larger area of vibration that suits all kinds of genitalia. Wand vibrators do not require an erection and are strong enough to be used through clothing. Smaller bullet vibes can also be used for muffing, a sexual act stimulating the inguinal canals of transfeminine women.  

Rings and Things

Cock-rings, whether those that vibrate or those that don’t, can be used by both the transmasculine and transfeminine. For those undergoing estrogen therapy, the use of cock-rings at the base of the penis, or around the penis and testicles, can aid in maintaining an erection for a longer period of time. For those post-phalloplasty, vibrating cock rings can be used to heighten sensation to the back base of the penis.

Dilators

For our post vaginoplasty fam, dilators are a must, and it’s recommended to use them twice daily for up to fifteen minutes. This exercise will maintain surgical depth while healing from surgery, and can ensure the success of your procedure. Here’s our a list of medical grade, top of line dilators for you.

Off the Shelf

Without these amazing authors, this article would not have been possible. If you’re looking to understand the non-binary gender, a loved one, or yourself, here are the good reads we recommend.

In Conclusion…

I encourage you, reader, to look up the definition of gender. Its origin is sexless, and simply means “membership of a word or a grammatical form in such a subclass.” In laymen’s terms, the word gender helps us define parts of the whole. We are all parts of the whole. Black, Latin, Asian, White, Indigenous, L, G, B, T, Q, I, A, 2, and PLUS! Collectively we give breath, voice, and life to the rainbow of Earth. At least within this human experience, we can consciously choose to do so. The most courageous and important journey any of us undertake is the one toward self-understanding, and to that we at Trystology encourage all genders to flaunt proudly! As we brave making mistakes navigating this expanding world and vocabulary, let’s own those mistakes together. And if you’ve got a problem with that, we kindly ask you to… go have an orgasm.